


Cacophony

by EmeraldWaves



Category: K (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Music, Angst, Classical nerdy pianist Munakata, Completed, Eventual relationship, M/M, Mikorei - Freeform, Rock Band Mikoto, Slow burn mikorei, band au, past Mikototsu, side Izuseri
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-07
Updated: 2018-02-25
Packaged: 2018-05-05 11:34:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 41,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5373830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmeraldWaves/pseuds/EmeraldWaves
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the death of their pianist, Totsuka Tatara, Suoh Mikoto decides to give up playing guitar for HOMRA, the band they've worked so hard to create together. A year later, Kusanagi forces Suoh to pick back up his guitar to share Totsuka's compositions with the world. However Suoh is more than apprehensive when they bring in their new pianist, uptight, classical piano genius, Munakata Reisi.</p>
<p>*Completed*</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

The lights were always brightest when they had stood together on stage at the end of every concert. He could feel his hands tremble, the sweat running down his slick back as his chest heaved up and down, finally conscious of his breathing. It was then he knew he should look at the crowd and appreciate the people who had taken their music in, felt it, and moved to it. But instead he looked towards him, Totsuka Tatara; their pianist, the best musician he had ever known. He always looked so serene, sitting in front of the small keyboard, eyes closed as he let the songs he had written flow into the world. He’d turn towards the crowd and smile, bowing his head. It was then Suoh knew it was okay to smile, at least, as much as he knew how.

It was these moments he wanted to cherish and hold dear. No one had brought as much happiness to this world as Totsuka Tatara. Now, things were different, but he couldn’t help remember the feelings he had once known, even if he had to fight against the guilt threatening to overtake his mind.

“Mikoto…” Kusanagi sighed, leaning back against the wall as he lit a cigarette, his friend’s voice pulled Suoh from his pleasant memory. There was a long silence between the two, the light hum and honks of the city filling the awkward quiet.

“I already said forget it,” Suoh mumbled finally, almost inaudible. 

“Well, I already signed us up,” Kusanagi argued gently. Blowing out a large curl of smoke into the air, Suoh didn’t even bother to turn around.

“Yeah, and you shouldn’t have done that,” he muttered, staring out at the building wall in front of him. 

It had been almost a year. A year since he’d left them and now, it was almost a year since Suoh had touched the dusty guitar sitting in the corner of his tiny, disheveled apartment.

A shiver crawled down his spine and flowed through his limbs, tingling on his skin. Suoh Mikoto hated the cold more than anything and with the simple drop in temperature, it was easy to tell winter was upon them. Leaning over the slightly broken railing, Suoh took a long drag on his newly lit cigarette. He hated being cold. He hated winter. It reminded him of things he didn’t want to think about.

It reminded him of things he wanted to move past. Or rather, things he thought he wanted to move past, but in reality had made no attempt to. Every time he almost felt a tinge of happiness, he’d remember what it was like to truly experience that feeling. To see joy embodied in a person and have that person ripped away from life, it was devastating. A sorrow Suoh couldn’t quite overcome. Every time he felt the pleasant emotion creeping up inside of him, it would fall back down again, never quite able to reach it’s peak.

How could Suoh possibly be happy in world that was missing the one person who had had enough positive energy to keep them both motivated and peaceful? How could he enjoy a world missing the person who was most precious to him? He’d remember his smile and it was almost enough to make the other smile without him. Almost. Then it would disappear, just like his physical form had and with it, Suoh’s chance to feel something powerful again

And Suoh knew Totsuka would be so disappointed in him now. Moping around like he was. Suoh had always been lazy, but this past year he’d been at his worst. Totsuka had been the one to drag him from his warm bed to go to practice. Totsuka had been the one to push Suoh out the door and without that push, there was absolutely no reason to leave. 

He knew Totsuka would be mad about Suoh ‘wasting his talent’ too. But when Totsuka had died, so had his music and Suoh’s muse. Totsuka had been the music which had swelled from deep within Suoh and all of them really. He had written the songs which had joined them all together. Totsuka had brought forth a kind of sound Suoh had never heard before, it was why he had fallen for the other guy. He’d captured his soul completely and Totsuka had never given it back. Their sound was gone from this world and as far as Suoh was concerned, there was no way they were going to get it back.

Suoh saw no reason to play Totsuka’s songs with him gone. Without his pure energy to fuel them, they had nothing or rather, _he_ had nothing. There was no reason to touch the instrument now, when all life was gone from his deceptively warm hands. When he had received the call about Totsuka’s accident, Suoh had put his guitar down and from that moment on, he had never picked it back up again. And that was how he wanted it to be.

Currently, Kusanagi Izumo stood behind him, trying to change his obstinate mind. 

“Yata and I both agreed it would be…good.” Kusanagi chose his words slowly and carefully. Suoh had known the other long enough to know his friend was treading lightly, as well he should. In fact, Suoh didn’t know why Kusanagi had strolled in here with such a dumb fucking idea in the first place. As his best friend, he should’ve known how the other was going to react.

“Glad to hear it. Find someone else then if you’re so hellbent on playing in this damn competition,” he snapped quietly. 

“You know we wouldn’t do that. We’re in this together. I don’t think Yata would let me replace you even if I tried,” he chuckled, trying to ease the tension filled air. 

“How can we possibly be in this ‘together’ without _him_?” Suoh retorted. He pressed the end of his cigarette into the bar of the railing and tossed it over the edge. Turning around to look at Kusanagi, Suoh’s amber eyes burned angrily, though his face looked rather calm. 

Suoh couldn’t imagine starting up HOMRA again without Totsuka, since it had been the excitable blond’s idea to create the band in the first place. Totsuka, Suoh, and Kusanagi had been practicing music together anyway when Totsuka had come up with the ‘brilliant’ idea. Totsuka would play piano and write songs, Suoh would sing and play guitar and Kusangai could play both guitar and bass, depending on what they needed. So, Totsuka had made it his goal to find a drummer for them and it hadn’t taken him long to find someone. Totsuka had always been talented at convincing others to do things. When Totsuka discovered their drummer, Yata Misaki, the enthusiastic boy had been more than eager to join them, finding them ‘cool.’ With Yata, everything had felt complete. And with Totsuka’s music, Suoh had actually started believing they could do something amazing with their combined talent.

Sighing, the taller man rubbed the back of his neck. 

“I understand why you would feel that way, but…don’t you think it would be a waste to not…share his music with others,” Kusanagi offered quietly. 

“Tch,” Suoh scoffed quietly, tucking his hands into his pockets as he stepped back inside his tiny apartment. 

Totsuka had been the composer for all of their songs and the best pianist Suoh had ever met in his whole goddamn life. The way his fingers moved seamlessly across the keys, there was never any hesitation in what he played. If he made a mistake, he laughed. When he thought of a new song, he’d rush to the piano and it became impossible to disturb him or break him of his focus until the song was close to being completed. Totsuka was practically a musical genius. He was an idiot in all other aspects of his life, but when it came to music his talent shone like a passionate burning flame.

Kusanagi _had_ given him time to come to terms with the loss. Not very much, but he had. For the first few months, none of them had played. None of them had the heart to play songs written by the soul of the group. Over time, Yata and Kusanagi both grew restless to play again; both wanting to feel the connection they had felt before again. But Suoh didn’t need or want to try to find those emotions again. They had died with Totsuka and attempting to bring them back up wouldn’t be anything more than a disappointment. Declaring HOMRA disbanded, Suoh had left their practice space behind and his guitar in the corner of his apartment. 

Following him inside, Kusanagi slid the slider door shut behind them. He ran his hand through his dirty blond locks, glancing to the dusty guitar in the corner of the room. 

“I knew you would reject this idea but I had to try,” he sighed. “Don’t you think we could keep his music alive this way? Keep _him_ alive? He loved these songs, Mikoto. We owe this to him.” 

Suoh dragged his feet on the carpet and sluggishly walking back to his room. He slammed the door in Kusanagi’s face. They didn’t owe Totsuka a damn thing. Why should they pretend to keep his presence alive when there was no way he would ever come back? Playing his songs didn’t make Totsuka alive, all it would do was dig up happy memories which now plagued Suoh with a deep-rooted sadness. It wouldn’t be the same without him. 

On top of that, there was no way Totsuka’s songs would sound complete without the piano parts…and there was no one, absolutely no one, who could play those songs like Totsuka. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The lights were always brightest when he stood on stage at the beginning of a performance. Standing on the wide space alone, he couldn’t see anything but the loud glare of the light reflecting off his thin glasses frames. Even if he had wanted to see anything, the lights were far too blinding for him to even attempt to look out at the seats in front of him. All for the better though, he wanted nothing to distract him before he fell in to the world of his piano. With each step he took towards the instrument, his heart throbbed with anticipation. It was then, bowing before his audience, that a small smile would appear on his face. He knew in a few moments he would captivate them with the world of music he had come to love so much himself. 

It was in these moments he felt truly alive. Today was no different, though the audience was small, only three people. A tension hung in the air and a desire for success reverberated through his being. 

“Munakata Reisi, 23, pianist.” The dark haired male bowed to the men sitting in the rows in front of him. He’d been practicing for this audition for quite sometime now and finally it had arrived. He took his seat calmly in front of the grand piano placed in the middle of the stage. 

It was here, Munakata thought, he felt most comfortable. In front of the instrument he had spent years perfecting. It was his only true friend, the piano. And though they had faced many hardships together, he loved music with his whole being. He loved this moment, the calm before conjoining his fingertips with the powerful instrument. It was a single brief moment in which there was absolutely nothing else but him and the piano in front of him. A silence would fall over the world as he shut his eyes and took a deep breath in. Right before the performance would begin, he would hear nothing but the sound of his heart slowing as he mentally took the time to calm himself. No one else could interrupt him in this moment as he grew to recognize he was moments away from creating music with the instrument in front of him. 

Placing his hands on the smooth keys in front of him, he began to play. His lithe fingers stroked over the smooth white and black keys, pressing down on the bars with weighted precision. It was a piece he had composed himself. It began slowly and eventually built for a faster, heavier sound to create an emotional swelling finish. This particular conservatory he was applying to preferred pieces written by the applicants themselves, wanting to get a feel for not only how they played and wrote music, but also how they could convey emotions in their music. 

Munakata had been playing piano since he was a small child, but he hadn’t done much composing. Still, Scepter Conservatory had one of the most prestigious piano programs in the city and Munakata wasn’t going to pass up an opportunity to try and learn more. Plus, many of the musicians who studied there went on to be professional musicians almost directly after graduating. 

Munakata knew, at the very least, he had the skills to attend a place like this. In fact, the majority of his life had been spent leading up to an audition such as this. But for now…he concentrated on enjoying the music, first flowing from the movement of his fingers, to the piano, and finally, echoing out to the music hall. He had lost himself completely in the instrument, his fingers moving with perfect speed and accuracy. 

Before he really could realize it, he had reached the end. His fingers rest on the keys as he took a breath in, closing his eyes once again. He felt the air fill his lungs slowly and he exhaled to let the air empty from his body. This was his second favorite moment; the aftermath of what he had created. It was a split second, right before applause began, where there was a tremor of an echo, a gentle sound reverberating in his being as he reflected on what he had played. It was a precious moment, where he knew he had played to the best of his ability.

Applause snapped him out of his musical daze as the sound came from directly next to him. Tentatively, he stood up, bowing to the judges sitting in the third row of the audience. 

“Thank you for your time,” he stated professionally and began to make his way off of the stage. At a school like this, they wanted to know you were poised and professional and Munakata knew he could provide them with exactly what they wanted. 

“Ah wait!” An older gentleman called out, stopping Munakata in his tracks. “Please, come sit at the edge of the stage. We’d like to speak to you. Get to know you a bit.” Munakata blinked before turning back around, adjusting his glasses on his face. He certainly hadn’t been expecting an interview after his performance, but he also would never deny speaking to them. He walked to the edge of the stage and slowly slipped his legs over the side, following their instructions. 

“Yes, of course,” he said, smiling.

“That piece was…quite lovely.” The man spoke casually and the two other judges both nodded in agreement with the man. “And your skills are clearly excellent, superb really,” he continued. Munakata bowed his head for a moment, giving thanks to the judge. “We’d like to ask you what inspired you to write such a piece?” 

“Ah, I suppose I wanted something with a wide range of sounds. Something subtle at first that builds into a more powerful feeling at the end. It’s almost as though the piano is unsure of it’s true skills until the end of the piece.” 

“Interesting,” the man replied. “However, that’s not exactly what I meant. You provided us with quite the technical response,” he chuckled. “You can relax, this is a very casual interview.” 

“Right,” Munakata responded. Though it was the casual nature of the interview which was baffling him currently. Of all the programs he had looked into, this was the last thing he had expected from such a place.

“You’ve certainly got the skills to study here, I do not doubt that. Plus, you’ve got a rather impressive resume. You’ve been playing since you were quite young and you’ve even had a few professional concerts,” the man said, glancing over the sheet of paper in front of him. “Plus, the piece you wrote was…very complex as far as arrangements go. However we…are curious about you as a person…do you understand?”  
“Of course,” Munakata nodded. “I am willing to answer any questions you would like to ask me.” 

“Right. Well, all we really want to know is what made you write a piece like this? You said the piano perhaps is unsure of it’s skills and what it is capable of until the end of the piece. Is this something you’ve perhaps experienced during your training?” the man inquired.

“No,” Munakata replied confidently. Never had he been unconfident in his own skills. Piano was one of the only things that actually made any semblance of sense to him. He hadn’t always been that way, but he had worked hard to reach the level he was currently at.

The judges blinked and the man laughed. 

“You don’t have to act so confident all the time, Munakata,” the man smiled. “We enjoy candidates who are talented musicians, of course, but we also enjoy talking to people on a more personal level. Perhaps you have faced other hardships in your life? It doesn’t necessarily need to draw from your journey with learning the piano.” 

Munakata’s fingers curled around the edge of the stage. He wasn’t quite sure how to respond to this. After all, he _was_ confident in his piano skills…all he did was practice. It was all he knew how to do really. 

“I see,” he replied slowly, after an awkward amount of silence.

“Don’t worry, we recognize your talent, but maybe you could take some time to experience some…different things and then from there we could hear a new piece from you in the spring?” the man said finally. 

Munakata swallowed and nodded slowly as he processed the information. They wanted him to try again? He wasn’t so confident to think he didn’t need to improve, but…he hadn’t been expecting a rejection over…not being able to describe where he had drawn inspiration from. 

And what exactly did they mean by ‘experience different things’? Did they mean ‘things’ in the general sense of life? Maybe they meant ‘things’ with other people? Maybe they wanted him to take a vacation, not that he could ever bring himself to do that. Or perhaps they meant for him to try a ‘different’ type off music. He was hesitant to ask for clarification. For some reason, he had a feeling they would telling him it was something he needed to figure out on his own.

He stood up and bowed to the judges once more.

“I will…certainly do that. Thank you for your time,” he said, making his way off the stage. 

He grabbed his jacket and scarf from the bench in the dressing room and slipped his coat on. Picking up his binder full of music, he held onto it tightly as he stepped out of the building. Sighing when the cold air hit his face, he began to make his way back to his apartment on the other side of the city. 

Certainly not the results he had been expecting at all.


	2. Chapter 2

“I don’t know how to convince him this is something he has to do,” Kusanagi sighed, resting his head on his palm. He swirled the beer around in his hand before taking a sip. Across from him stood Awashima Seri, his…sort of…ex-girlfriend. She was as lovely as she had always been, her dirty blonde hair falling just past her shoulders. He loved when she wore her hair down, her locks framing her gentle features. It was such a rare treat for Kusanagi, as he normally saw her with her hair pulled back, looking professional for her violin concerts.

The two had attended the same university together, though Kusanagi had been two years older than her. They’d met in a music theory class Kusanagi would’ve failed without the talented violinist’s help. He graduated and spent most of his time practicing with his band, yet he still managed to make it back for the majority of her concerts and she had done the same for him. They dated for about a year and Kusanagi had completely fallen for her, but Awashima broke things off, wanting to focus on her violin career. The two stayed in touch, neither ever really moving on, enjoying the occasional night on the town together. Kusanagi silently hated labelling her as his ‘ex’, silently hoping it wouldn’t stay that way forever.

“Do you really think it’s something he _has_ to do?” she asked. Her fingers fiddled with the tip of the small olive covered stick resting in her drink. 

“He has to do something to move forward with his life. Otherwise he’s going to waste away in his pigsty of an apartment and I’m going to lose two best friends, not just one,” Kusanagi sighed, staring at the beer in front of him. Of the two of them, he knew Seri was the more logical one, so he held his breath and hoped she agreed.

“Mmm,” she hummed softly, closing her eyes for a moment. “One could argue it’s too soon.” 

“Are _you_ arguing it’s too soon?” Kusanagi asked. 

“Not necessarily,” she said, shaking her head slowly. Reaching forward to squeeze his hand, she gave him a gentle smile. “You know Suoh far better than me,” she continued. “I would think you would know what’s best. If this is the kick he needs, perhaps you do need to push him,” she urged. Rubbing his forehead, Kusanagi sighed and took a large gulp of his drink. 

“It’s been a year. I don’t want to rush him, Tatara was…more important to Mikoto than to Yata and me. But I feel…there’s no right way to do this,” he grumbled. “Yata and I have been dying to play again and if we play without Tatara and Mikoto it’ll feel wrong. I know it will…and I know Mikoto will be mad. But if we keep pushing him to play again, he might _never_ ,” Kusanagi explained, his words feeling more jumbled the more he spoke. 

“With these things there is never a right way, Izumo,” she whispered. Glancing at the blonde in front of him, Kusanagi squeezed her hand back. He couldn’t imagine losing Awashima, nor could he begin to pretend to understand Suoh’s feelings. Kusanagi had lost one of his best friends, but Suoh had lost his best friend and the only person who had dug his way into his closed off heart. His red-haired best friend had always been rather…emotionally stunted. 

“And even if I do manage to convince Mikoto to come back to play with HOMRA…there’s still the issue of the pianist…” Cocking her head, Awashima looked confused. 

“Have you started looking yet? How much time do you have?” she asked. Kusanagi shook his head.

“No, I haven’t, and not much,” he explained. “The competition is a month away. And even if _do_ find someone…there’s no way Mikoto will ever approve of anyone who isn’t Tatara,” Kusanagi muttered. Folding her arms, Awashima pursed her lips.

“Even if said person is…extremely talented?” she asked. Raising an eyebrow, Kusanagi pressed his glasses up further on his nose, leaning forward.

“Do you have someone who could be our new keyboardist?!” he exclaimed, almost knocking his drink over as he leaned towards her even more. Reaching out to grab his beer and steady it, she snorted. 

“Do you remember Munakata Reisi?” she asked. “He was in the music department. He was the year above me, so, a year below you, and he played a few concerts with me,” she explained, trying to jog Kusanagi’s memory. 

“Hmm…the name sounds familiar…but I can’t place it to a face. But if he played with you he must be oh so worthy,” he smirked. 

“Very funny,” she snorted, taking a sip of her practically untouched drink. “But you are correct, he’s very talented. Last I heard he was attempting to attend Scepter University for their classical graduate program,” she continued. 

“So you still talk to this guy?” he asked, raising an eyebrow at her.

“Well, yes, I’ve asked him to play a gig with me here and there. Why?” she smirked, leaning forward to poke his cheek. “Are you jealous?” she chuckled. 

“What? Me? Never,” he grinned, grabbing her finger playfully. “And since when do people in the classical world call it a ‘gig’. I thought that was a band thing,” he teased, releasing her finger from his grip. 

She shrugged, “I don’t know, maybe you’re rubbing off on me too much,” she said, pushing his forehead as she stood up straight. “Do you want my help or not?” she asked. “I can ask Munakata if he’s interested in playing with you guys. If he’s actually at Scepter, I doubt he has time, but who knows, it’s worth a shot.” 

“Do you really think some stuck up, classical pianist would be interested in playing our songs?” Kusanagi chuckled.

“I don’t know. I’m not sure what he does in his free time,” she sighed. “He was always a rather private person. I’m sure he could play whatever you throw at him.” She took another sip of her drink, casually shrugging.

“Oh, I don’t doubt his talent,” Kusanagi sighed. “I find it hard to believe someone like him would ever want to do something like this.”

“It never hurts to ask,” she shrugged, biting one of the olives off the stick. 

Wrinkling his nose, Kusanagi sighed, “I guess you’re right.” Really his reluctance didn’t come from the person at all. He didn’t doubt Awashima’s suggestion or Munakata’s talent. But he did doubt Suoh’s reaction to said person. He shook his head and grunted, placing the money down on the table, enough to pay for both their drinks. “Let’s get out of here, I need a smoke,” he said, turning away from the table to make his way outside. 

Placing a cigarette between his lips, he lit it, taking a hit. The smoke blew out into the cold air, visible as it twisted up into the sky. He shivered, buttoning up his coat.

“I’m sorry. Should I not have suggested Munakata?” she asked, wrapping her scarf around her neck as she walked up next to him.

“Nah…it’s fine. It’s a good suggestion,” he sighed. Taking the cigarette from his lips, he flicked the ash onto the sidewalk, watching as it sullied the white, newly fallen snow. 

“What’s wrong?” she asked. “It isn’t like you to ditch me in a bar,” she said, nudging him gently. 

“Ah, but I didn’t ditch you,” he smirked. “You followed me, so we left together.” 

“I only left because _you_ left,” she frowned, folding her arms. “Something’s clearly wrong. I’m not an idiot, Izumo.” 

“Darling Seri, don’t worry, I was never thinking I’d get away with tricking you,” he teased, taking a long hit on his cigarette. The snow, which had started early this year, fell around them lightly and muffled honks and voices created the soundscape of the city. Kusanagi listened, enjoying the clamor of the loud city. Music was an ever-present essence which hung in the air of the noisy bustle. He simply wanted Suoh to remember how much they all loved it. “I don’t know. It’s so damn complicated,” he said finally. “Nothing feels easy anymore. We can’t just play the music we love. We gotta find someone to take the place of Tatara and we gotta make sure Mikoto will actually do it. Agh…these should never have been problems for us,” he growled. 

Wrapping her arm through his, Awashima rest her head on his shoulder. “Seri?” he whispered, glancing down at her. It had been so long since she had been affectionate in such a way with him, he couldn’t help but momentarily feel his heart flutter in his chest.

“Look, I’ll talk to Munakata and you talk to Suoh…Let’s just…see what happens, alright?” she said. Her tone was sweet and gentle, a sound Kusanagi had missed.

He nodded in response, tossing his cigarette on the ground as he stepped on it to put it out. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Munakata replayed the message on his cell phone once more, still trying to fully comprehend the words echoing into his ear. 

_“Hello Munakata! It’s been awhile. I hope you’re doing well. I’m not sure what you’ve been doing lately, though I’m sure you’re busy, as always. I had a favor to ask of you. A friend of mine needs a keyboardist for his rock band…I know it’s not your normal…style, but-”_

A rock band. Even coming from Awashima it sounded so…foreign. It was something he had never tried or thought to attempt even. Had he ever listened to a rock song? Maybe that was dramatic…he must’ve heard one on the radio at some point, right? 

The message continued to explain the situation in more detail. Awashima’s friend had entered their group into a competition, but they were in desperate need of a keyboardist for said competition.

Pulling the kettle off of the stove, Munakata sighed and took out a small tea cup from the cabinet. Pursing his lips, he pushed the small button on his phone, repeating the message. He poured the hot water in the cup, steeping his tea while listening to Awashima’s soft timbre echo poorly on his voicemail once again.

It was true, with the rejection to Scepter University, he had a great deal of extra time now. He liked to pretend as though he were taking the rejection well. It had been his original ‘after rejection’ plan; move on, move up and move forward, just as he always did. But actually the more he thought about it, the more he realized rejection was a rare occurrence for him. It felt so unusual to recall the events of that day and feel the frustration wash over his skin. Many of the days which had followed that fateful day had included him drinking tea and reading in his apartment. He hadn’t touched his keyboard, simply because he had nothing to work on; no school work, no compositions, no gigs, nothing. 

Well, they had urged him to try something new, experience something different. Playing for a rock band would certainly fulfill that requirement. It wasn’t something Munakata had ever done or planned on doing for that matter. It was certainly a good excuse to start playing again.

Though how unorganized were these people? To enter a competition when they didn’t have the proper amount of members seemed careless. 

Rubbing his forehead, he glanced around the room at his sterile apartment. It wasn’t as though he had very many options otherwise. He didn’t have classes anymore and he had no gigs lined up currently. He could take classes, but that meant using money he’d been saving for future endeavors. 

Carrying the cup to the table, he took his phone with him, staring at Awashima’s name on the brightly lit screen. He had always appreciated his friendly, working relationship with the woman. She had played for him for some of his composition projects at school and he had aided her when she needed a pianist for a few of the jobs she often booked. Actually, thinking on it, he was almost certain he had never turned her down when she had offered him a chance to play. He didn’t really want to start rejecting offers now, no matter how strange this request was, Munakata took pride in being a reliable colleague.

This _was_ different however. Would he even be able to successfully play their music? He doubted it would be all that complicated. Rock songs never were all that difficult, from what little he had heard of them. At the very least, he could meet them and look at the music. If it wasn’t for him, he could try and find some other way to branch out. For now, it seemed a good place to start. 

Picking up the phone, he tapped Awashima’s name, waiting for her to answer.

“Ah! Hello, Munakata?” She picked up after the second ring. 

“Awashima, it’s good to speak with you,” he mused, taking a sip of his tea while they exchanged pleasantries. It really had been awhile since he’d spoken to her. Actually, it had been awhile since he’d spoken to anyone. Most of his summer had been spent in his apartment, working on his complicated composition piece which had only resulted in his rejection. 

“I take it you received my message then?” she inquired. 

“Mmm,” he hummed, “I did.” 

“And? Do you have time? It would really help them out,” she said. There was a slight hint of desperation in her voice Munakata hadn’t heard before. Normally, Awashima was rather composed and poised. He was unaware of the small details of her life, but it seemed she held more stock in this band than he had initially thought. 

“I do have time, but to be completely honest, I’ve never even looked at rock music, so I have no idea if it’s something I could do.” 

“Oh, I promise you, you could handle it,” she laughed softly on the other end of the line. 

“Well, I’d like to at least look at the music before agreeing to anything,” he explained. 

“Of course. Are you available Saturday? Kusanagi mentioned something about having their practice space then. You can meet everyone and see if you’re interested. Thank you so much, Munakata,” she said, the relief apparent in her tone. Hearing that, it was difficult to even consider rejecting her. He kept repeating in his head that even just meeting them and seeing a different style of music could be a valuable experience which could help him in the future. 

“Ah, yes I could do then. Could you email or text me more specific details?” he asked. 

She agreed cheerily and the two hung up after exchanging goodbyes. With a sigh, he stared at his blinking phone as he rest it on the table. Picking up his tea, he took a small sip, the silence in the room unsettled him. What had he agreed to exactly? If he hated it, he could walk away from the project. He hadn’t signed a contract. Still, he couldn’t help but think he was walking into a musical disaster.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I said no.” Suoh glared at Kusanagi. The blond stood outside his door, a pack of cigarettes in one hand and cup ramen in the other. “I wouldn’t have even come to the door but I didn’t want your ass to freeze.” 

“Nice to hear you care so much about my ass,” Kusanagi smirked, stepping into the cluttered apartment. Slamming the door behind him, Suoh followed Kusanagi down the entry hallway to his small living room. 

“Shut up,” Suoh growled and snatched the cigarettes from Kusanagi’s hand. “And don’t get comfortable. You’re leaving when this burns down,” he said, gesturing to the cigarette now placed comfortably between his lips. 

“But I brought you cup ramen!” he whined, sitting on the couch with a flop. 

“I don’t wanna talk about it. If you think cup ramen and cigarettes are going to make me change my mind, you’re mistaken, Izumo,” he scoffed, blowing a long puff of smoke out. 

“I found us someone…” Kusanagi said. “If you’re going to kick me out anyway, might as well cut to the chase,” he whispered, staring up at his red-haired friend. 

“Someone?” he asked. Kusanagi could see Suoh’s eye twitch ever so slightly, a nervous tick he had developed only after losing Totsuka. It usually meant he didn’t want to talk about him, but what it _really_ meant was Kusanagi had far less time to explain than he thought.

“Yeah, a pianist. Awashima knows this guy-”

“Leave.” The word was like poison to Suoh; as though ‘pianist’ had become a synonym for ‘Totsuka’ and no one was speak of either around him. 

“Mikoto, please. Be a little more open-minded…” he sighed heavily. 

“My mind hasn’t changed in barely 48 hours, Izumo. My mind is _never_ going to change,” he muttered. 

“Do you really plan to never play again?” he asked, rubbing his forehead. 

“Yeah. Especially not with someone your snotty, classical violinist girlfriend knows. Probably got a fuckin’ pole up his ass,” he growled, blowing smoke in Kusanagi’s direction. 

“Fine, Mikoto. Fine. Be a stubborn asshole,” Kusanagi glared, standing up. “Waste away in your apartment and never touch your guitar again. If that’s what you’re so hellbent on doing, then so be it. I lost one best friend last year and I didn’t plan on losing two. But you’re making it impossible to speak to you,” he growled. 

“He was always stronger than both of us and you know that,” Suoh whispered, stepping away from Kusanagi as he head out onto his cold deck. “I’m not strong like he was.” 

“You’re right. He was stronger than us. But you’re choosing to be weak about this, Mikoto,” Kusanagi sighed. “You’re choosing to let your pain eat you alive. If you played his music, maybe you could let some of it out. Direct your pain elsewhere, instead of _in_ all the damn time.” 

Yelling at Suoh was never effective, Kusanagi knew this. He was well aware of how stubborn his best friend was, especially when it came to Totsuka. Alive or dead, Suoh would never stopped being affected by his presence. For awhile, Kusanagi understood, but now, walking into Suoh’s apartment was like walking into a time lapse. It stood, frozen, stagnated on the day Totsuka’s soul had left the earth. It was a bubble of melancholy Suoh wasn’t quite willing to pop. Kusanagi could try all he wanted to help him, but nothing changed Suoh’s attitude; his feelings unwavering for an entire year. 

Suoh didn’t answer, and Kusanagi was anything but surprised. He stared for a moment in silence at the back of the ghost of what was once his best friend. As much as he had fought to not do so, he had lost them both. Forever he would reach for Suoh and never quite reach. Forever would his words shout in his direction and never quite penetrate Suoh’s ears. Caught between the living and the dead, Suoh’s feet were stuck on the ground while he secretly, desperately, wanted to forget everything which lay directly in front of him. 

With a sigh, Kusanagi ran his hand through his hair, “I’ll leave. I…rented the practice space out this Saturday at 2. This guy…he’s willing come try and play for us. I want you to be there. Yata wants you to be there. But…if you don’t wanna be there, then you don’t wanna be there. But I wouldn’t feel right doing this without you. Take a step forward with us and see how it goes. If you hate it…you can step back,” Kusanagi said gently. “Address is on your fridge…in case you forgot how to get there.” And with that, Kusanagi returned to the normal flow of time, while Suoh stayed, unmoving, on his balcony. 

Hearing the door shut, Suoh chucked the cigarette on the ground and stomped it out angrily. Making his way inside, he stared at the address glaring at him on the surface of the fridge. How the hell was he supposed to go there without Totsuka? He was doing just fine staying in his damn apartment with his damn mess and his damn dusty guitar. He didn’t need them and he _really_ didn’t need this new guy. They could find another guitarist too and all move on together. 

He took a seat on the couch and stared at the dusty guitar in the corner. It’d been so long since he’d used his voice he silently wondered if he could sing anymore. Totsuka had always been the better singer of the two, but he’d insisted Suoh be the lead singer.

_‘The guitarist as the singer looks way cooler in rock bands!’_

_‘I’ll be the back-up singer! I want you to sing them…’_

_‘I love your voice, Mikoto…’_

“Idiot…my voice sucks,” he whispered and covered his eyes, craning his neck back to stare at the dirty ceiling. Sometimes when he was alone in his apartment he could hear Totsuka’s voice. It was insane and he knew it. It was absolutely insane to imagine your dead lover speaking to you, but Suoh didn’t mind. His voice was gruff and harsh, but Totsuka’s was smooth and angelic, a voice you wanted to dream about.

Sometimes he could remember his stupid little Totsuka-isms. The way he flit about the apartment, tossing music papers around, dumping water, tea or whatever the hell he was drinking on the carpet with no care, as he danced to music floating in his head. 

_‘Dance with me, Mikoto!’_

_‘Don’t put the radio on, let’s make something up!’_

_‘Just play something. Anything. Don’t think. Just go.’_

A soft chuckle escaped his lips. How many times had Totsuka told him to stop thinking and just play? He had lost count after the first ten times. Totsuka had an uncanny knack for being right all the time too. It was in those moments, when Suoh let go of his thoughts, that he played his best. The music flowing through his body, the natural sound he wanted to produce coming out through the vibrating strings of the instrument.

_‘Just play something. Anything.’_

He hadn’t played in over a year. He claimed it was because he didn’t want to play without Totsuka, that there was no way it would sound the same. But the truth was, he was _terrified_ to play without Totsuka. He was terrified it wouldn’t sound the same, he was terrified it _would_ sound the same; that Totsuka wasn’t needed to produce the music they had loved so much together. The music Totsuka had given to Suoh in the first place, without him, it should’ve been incomplete…but what if it wasn’t?

_‘Don’t think, just go.’_

How long had it been since Suoh had done that? Every action he had nowadays was plagued by his damn thoughts. His damn thoughts of Totsuka and his damn inability to see past anything but the dead boy who had a lock on his soul. 

Standing up, he walked over to the guitar, looking down at the instrument he purposefully had chosen to keep his distance from.

_‘Don’t think, just go.’_

He grasped the handle of the guitar, pieces of dust floating through the air as he did. His hand created a small print of unrest on the unused instrument neck. The neck was dry and foreign against his fingers. He couldn’t remember the last time he had touched it. Staring had been all he had done, unable to touch the memento of their past.

A year had gone by and finally, he was picking it up again. He pulled on the neck of the guitar gently and he held it to his chest, his dark gaze resting on the strings. Strumming his hand over the instrument, he began to play. The sound was harsh and completely out of tune, but Mikoto was certain he could almost hear Totsuka laughing. The idiot probably would’ve said the sound was the most beautiful he had heard in over a year.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh sorry for the slowest update everrr. I always end up taking so long to add new chapters, but I hope everyone sticks with me anyway! Thank you for reading and I'm sorry MikoRei didn't talk in this chapter, I did say it would be a slow burn LOL! That being said, next chapter will definitely include their interactionsss. I hope people still enjoy!! Also Sorry for a dialogue heavy chapter. But, anyway, thank you for reading!
> 
> As always feel free to talk to me on twitter @musickazoo or tumblr emeraldwxves.tumblr.com ! <3


	3. Chapter 3

Standing outside the door of their normal practice space, Suoh considered turning around to go home. He had gotten this far, but he was a little annoyed he had let Kusanagi talk him into this. Or maybe it was more accurate to say Totsuka had talked him into this. He pulled out a cigarette from his pocket and lit it as he stood in the dirtied snow around the large metal door. Taking a long hit, he held the cigarette against his lips for a moment, tugging the door open.

“Mikoto!” Yata Misaki’s loud voice called out as he waved, drumstick in his hand. He jumped up from behind the large drum set. “You’re here!” he said. Quickly glancing towards Kusanagi, Yata immediately sat back down, as though he had made some grave error. “I mean…hey. What’s up?” he continued, attempting to be more casual. Suoh tried his best not to snort at Yata’s transparent behavior—obviously Kusanagi had assumed Suoh wasn’t going to come.

“Hey,” he muttered, pressing his cigarette against the ashtray on the top of a garbage can.

He could see Kusanagi peering over his glasses as he stood up, setting his bass down against the amp on the stage. “Glad to see you could make it,” he chuckled, folding his arms. Nodding, Suoh placed the guitar case down, unzipping it to pull out the no longer dusty instrument. 

Suoh stepped up onto the stage and glanced at the keyboard and the empty small bench in front of it. It had been so long since he’d seen one, the instrument which Totsuka’s hands had often graced with their masterful movement. In just a short while, someone else was going to sit there. Someone else would create the sound Totsuka used to. Suoh felt his heart throb as he looked at the vacant spot. This wasn’t right; they shouldn’t be letting someone else sit there. It was his spot after all and they should be saving it- 

A hand on his shoulder stopped Suoh’s thoughts in their tracks. Abruptly turning around, he stared at Kusanagi, his gaze taking note of the concern on Yata’s face as well. “It’s going to be okay,” Kusanagi said softly. “I know you think you’re not ready to do this, but you are. We know you are,” he smiled. 

“Yeah,” Suoh muttered, turning away from his two bandmates. Pursing his lips, he lifted the guitar strap over his head and rest the instrument against his body. Minus the other day when he had touched his guitar simply for a few chords, Suoh really hadn’t _played_ in a year. Grunting, he strummed at the out of tune instrument, causing Kusanagi to wince.

“Eesh. You didn’t tune it?” he asked, shaking his head. Suoh could only shrug as he began to twist the tuning pegs on the head of the guitar. “You didn’t prepare at all,” Kusanagi snorted, laughing as he did. “Typical.” He nudged the red haired male and made his way over to his own instrument and picked it up. “Should we play a warm up?” Kusanagi asked. 

“Eh?” Suoh replied, his eyes flicking back towards the keyboard. “What about this new asshole?” 

“Okay, you probably shouldn’t call the new guy an asshole when you haven’t even met him. We don't want to scare him off immediately,” Kusanagi sighed, a hint of scolding in his tone. It was as though both Yata and Kusanagi were walking on eggshells with him and based on how he’d been acting for the past year or so, Suoh supposed he couldn’t exactly blame them. 

Scoffing, Suoh rubbed the back of his neck. “I’m here, alright? Not plannin’ on leaving or anything,” he grunted. “So you don’t have to act weird.” As he spoke, Suoh could see relief flash across Kusanagi’s face and Yata let out a long breath as though he’d been holding it ever since Suoh had arrived. 

“Yeah we know,” Kusanagi replied. “I guess I’m just happy to see you here,” he admitted. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Suoh shrugged, brushing him off. “You still didn’t answer my question. New guy— where is he?” 

“Oh, right. I told him to come at 3 so we could have some time to ourselves,” he smiled knowingly. It actually wasn’t a terrible idea. Suoh had been frustrated seeing the empty seat and he could only imagine how he would’ve felt if the new pianist had already been there, sitting where Totsuka sat, touching the instrument that was made for him…He sighed and glanced down, strumming at his guitar a few more times. He knew it was only fair to give this new guy a a chance. “Shall we play?” Kusanagi asked, once again breaking Suoh of his thoughts. 

“Yeah!” Yata said, hitting his drumsticks together excitedly. “It’s been so long,” he said, practically bouncing in his seat. Slamming the sticks down against the drums, he pounded against the snare drum, rolling the sticks over the head. “I am so ready!” 

Kusanagi joined him, strumming out a few notes on his bass, which Suoh quickly began to play over. Thankfully, he hadn’t lost his touch in the year he hadn’t played. The guitar came back to him, the strings immediately feeling familiar against his fingertips. His fingers moved as though he had been born playing the instrument. As the three began to play together, Suoh let the sounds wash over his body, the vibrations flowing down his spine. The loud noise echoed through the practice space and a small smile curled onto Suoh’s lips. He glanced out over the empty room, remembering what it felt like to play for crowds that moved to their music—Totsuka’s music. He had missed it, more than he ever had expected to.

The three of them did sound fantastic together—a hard rock sound with energy and passion, almost like a musical fire, but Suoh couldn’t help but think they were missing something crucial. He only hoped this mysterious new pianist would do half as good a job as Totsuka would have. 

~~

Standing outside of the practice space, Awashima stood next to Munakata as the door vibrated. He had arrived fashionably early, (almost 30 minutes) so he waited with the woman outside for the time being. 

“At least I know I’m in the right place,” he smiled. “Are you sure they’re looking for someone such as myself?” he asked, glancing at the shaking metal door. Munakata had barely even listened to this style of music before. He was certain he could figure out how to play it, especially if they had sheet music, but it was very different from what he was familiar with. Of course, that was the whole reason why he had agreed to this in the first place. He was supposed to be experiencing new music and throwing himself into a completely different genre was certainly one way to go about doing so. 

Awashima nodded. “Please, you’re very talented. They’ll be honored to have you.” 

“Well, there’s no need to go _that_ far, Awashima,” he chuckled, adjusting his glasses on his face. He knew his skill level and he knew he could handle playing the music, he was more concerned about meshing well with these people.

The winter breeze blew around them and Munakata shivered. Reaching for the large sliding door, he pulled it open. They were early, but if the others needed more time practicing alone, Munakata could wait with Awashima inside. 

Upon opening the door, the two stepped inside which halted the music immediately. 

“Seriiiii~!” One of the men called out, placing his bass against his amp as he jumped down to greet the blonde woman. “Thanks for coming along,” he said, winking at her. 

“Hello Izumo,” she said. “This is Munakata Reisi, the man I told you about.” 

“Kusanagi Izumo,” the man introduced himself. “It’s great to have you here. We really need the help,” he chuckled. Kusanagi held out his hand and Munakata took it, giving it a firm shake. 

“Yes, it is very nice to meet you,” he smiled. “I am looking forward to trying something new,” he nodded, letting go of his hand. 

“As you probably guessed, I’m the bassist,” Kusanagi said, gesturing to himself. “I guess you could also call me the manager too. And that’s our drummer, Yata Misaki and our lead vocalist and guitarist, Suoh Mikoto.” 

“Yo!” Yata called out, waving as he still gripped one of his drumsticks. However, the red haired man let out soft grunt and his eyes narrowed at Munakata before glancing away, his arms folded over his chest. Munakata frowned momentarily, before turning back to Kusanagi with a smile. It seemed perhaps they had not agreed on Munakata taking the place of their previous keyboardist. Of course, Munakata had no idea of the circumstance upon which the other had left and he certainly wasn’t about to ask, but he did hope his presence wouldn’t cause unrest in the group. 

“Hello,” he spoke finally. “As Awashima said, my name is Munakata Reisi. I’ve been playing piano my whole life and one could say I consider it my passion,” he explained. “I’ve never played any sort of popular or rock music. I’ve been a classical pianist only, up until now. However, I do believe my skills will be at an adequate level for what you need.” 

Suoh immediately scoffed and Munakata let out a labored sigh, ignoring him. Hopefully, whatever problem the red head had with him would dissipate once they began to play. 

Kusanagi glanced upwards, shaking his head as he stepped towards his bag on one of the chairs. “Let me get you one of the songs and we can do a run through. About how much time do you think you’ll need to learn the music? Can you sight-read?” Kusanagi asked, pulling a binder from his bag to hand to Munakata. 

Opening the book, he scanned the pages. As far as Munakata could tell, the pieces were fairly simple, though he could assume when put with the other parts it could be rather complex. He had played with others before, though never in a band style setting. He didn’t foresee it being a problem though, since the music appeared to be straightforward. “Oya? Yes I can. It doesn’t seem too complicated. If you let me look at it for a minute or two, I’m sure I could play along with you,” he nodded. 

“Confident. Good, that’s what I needed to hear,” he smirked, stepping back up onto the stage. “Why not just have a go for a few a minutes and then if you feel confident still we can start jamming together?” he suggested. 

“Alright,” Munakata nodded and tugged his scarf out from under his pea coat, draping it on one of the empty folding chairs. He unbuttoned his black pea coat and lay it with his scarf. Already he felt a bit out of place compared to the others. His white button down and dark blue slacks were a stark contrast to the very casual outfits the rockers wore. All of them wore jeans and both Kusanagi and Suoh had on casual white t-shirts. Suoh had piercings down his ear and a few heavy chains draped off of his pants. Yata had on a large baggy sweatshirt and beanie. Munakata stuck out like a sore thumb, looking completely over-dressed. 

 Swallowing, he stepped up onto the stage and bowed to the other two men before making his way to the small keyboard. Turning it on, he propped the binder up on the stand, glancing over the music quickly. He ran his fingers over the keys, playing a quick scale to feel the weight of the instrument underneath his fingertips. It was lighter than a regular piano and it took a moment for Munakata to grow accustomed to how easy it was to press down on the light keys — it had been forever since he’d played on a keyboard. 

“Mmm. Let’s see,” he said, mostly to himself, as he leaned forward and adjusted his glasses to scan the music. “I’ll just…play something from this first one?” he asked, glancing around behind him. “And then we can…jam,” he continued awkwardly. It was a word he was unfamiliar with. 

“Take your time,” Kusanagi nodded. “We can wait.” 

For a moment, Munakata’s eyes met Suoh’s. His amber hues looked angry, disgusted…annoyed? It was a wide range of emotions that Munakata couldn’t quite read or place. He wasn’t about to stir up trouble in a group he had just started working with, but if the man kept up his attitude, Munakata was tempted to speak up. 

Frowning, he turned back to the music and took in a large breath. The music was why he was here anyway. He wasn’t here to make friends with the other members of the band — he was simply going to play a concert with them, gain the experience he needed, and return to the world of classical music, a much more comfortable world than this. 

Pressing his hands to the keys, his eyes scanned the music while his fingers drifted over the instrument playing the melody in front of him. It was simplistic, but rather nice. The tune was catchy and actually, Munakata found he could close his eyes and guess where the melody was going based on the parts before it. He played through the song with ease—as expected it was no where near as complicated as many of the classical pieces he had spent months studying. Pulling his hands off of the keys once the song ended, he glanced back and smiled. 

“I hope that was to your liking?” 

~~

Suoh couldn’t stop glaring at the man’s back. He had prepared himself for this; someone else would be playing the songs Totsuka wrote. But no amount of mental preparation could have helped Suoh when the music actually began to play. It was as though Totsuka was there in the room with them…the sounds trickling into Suoh’s ear, the songs he had once known so well. The sound rest heavy in his chest…so familiar and yet…so different. The song was dynamic but the heart and grit of Totsuka’s emotions were gone, as though a player piano were playing the song Suoh had fallen in love with.

Then the sound stopped, and Munakata turned around with a smile and he looked proud, as though he had done them some huge favor by getting it “correct” on the first try. Suoh clenched his fists, gripping the neck of his guitar. 

“I hope that was to your liking?” Munakata said. 

“It was…great!” Kusanagi said, and Suoh whipped his head around to glare at Kusanagi. What the hell was he saying? Was he being nice to spare the man’s feelings? Had Kusanagi listened to the same thing as he had? “Actually I was surprised you picked it up so fast. I shouldn’t be though,” he chuckled, “since you’re good friend with the incredibly talented Seri!”

Munakata laughed along with Kusanagi. “Yes, Awashima is a very talented violinist,” he mused. Suoh dug his fingernails into his hands, clenching his fists hard. He hated this guy. He knew it wasn’t fair, but just looking at him made Suoh’s blood boil. The way he talked all pretentious—not to mention the fact that he looked like he’d just come from some official business meeting. He didn’t fit in with them at all. 

“Why don’t we try playing through it with you and see if you can handle it?” Kusanagi said. “Not that I really think you’ll have a problem,” he shrugged. 

“Alright,” Munakata nodded. “Let’s give it a go. From the looks of the music, it seems the drums start this one?” he asked.

“Yup! I start!” Yata smiled, giving them a thumbs up as he began to press his foot against the lower pedal, hitting the bass drum. Kusanagi followed shortly after and Munakata came in perfectly on time. Suoh almost would’ve been happier if the ass had messed up, but of course he hadn’t since he was some kind of piano robot. 

Suoh almost missed his own entrance, he was so damn focused on all the things Munakata was doing wrong. How was he able to hit every note so perfectly? Too perfectly. He began singing and staring at the empty space in front of them, Awashima now the only person in the audience. He hated that he missed this feeling, he hated that having Munakata meant they could hear Totsuka’s sound in a twisted way. Totsuka’s music always sounded like it was laughing. This, whatever they were playing now—it wasn’t anything like that.

He stopped abruptly, yanking the guitar off his head. “I can’t.” 

“Mikoto-” Kusanagi began to call out, but Suoh placed his guitar down and turned to Munakata. 

“You suck.” 

Turning around on the bench, Munakata’s eyes widened at him, shocked by the words. “…Excuse me?” he said, looking completely flabbergasted by Suoh’s outburst.

“I said, you suck. You play like a robot.” 

“Mikoto!” Kusanagi yelled again.

“A robot?” Munakata scoffed, offended by the comment.

“Yeah. A robot,” Suoh repeated. “You play like a damn robot. You think you’re so damn great because you’re some perfect pianist, but the truth is you have absolutely no emotion in what you play. You can play that music but you don’t sound like you’re enjoying it.” There was silence as Suoh stopped speaking, all three of the other men staring at him. His outburst hadn’t been unexpected to Kusanagi and Yata, but the two had certainly hoped he would keep his cool around the new guy. 

“I hope you realize I’m doing you a favor by being here,” Munakata stated flatly. “I was asked to be a pianist and that is what I am doing. I’m playing the music correctly, I’m not sure what more you could possibly want.” 

“You will never be good enough to play Tatara’s songs,” Suoh hissed, glaring at Munakata’s purple hues. He jumped down from the stage and left the building, slamming the door over with a huff.

~~

“Shit,” Kusanagi groaned and covered his face. “I’m so sorry,” he said, turning towards Munakata as Suoh stormed out the front door. 

Munakata had never been so offended in his whole life. If not getting accepted to Scepter had been a blow to his ego, this had been even worse. This man claimed he ‘sucked’ at playing such simplistic music? Munakata tried to reply the song in his head, attempting to discover where he possibly could have gone wrong. For all he could remember, he had played everything perfectly and he hadn’t been off time with the others or anything. A robot? There was no way he played like a robot. It was preposterous! Completely implausible. He’d been training for years and he could’ve played this style of music with his eyes closed. “Well,” he said finally. “I can certainly see when I am being disrespected, and I’d rather not put myself in that situation.” He stood up and pulled down on his shirt, smoothing himself out awkwardly. 

“What a mess…” Yata grumbled, placing his drumsticks down.

“No. It’s just…Mikoto has—had a really strong connection with our original pianist and he just-” Kusanagi ran a hand through his hair, struggling to explain properly. “Look, he hasn’t played in almost a year and convincing him to come here…it’s not really my place to say any more but…just let me talk to him, okay?” Kusanagi begged, stepping down off of the stage to follow after Suoh. 

Munakata sighed and stepped off the stage as well, taking a seat in a folding chair next to Awashima. “Alright,” he said. “I don’t appreciate his behavior, but Awashima is a good friend of mine and has helped me quite a few times. I’m willing to stay and give you another chance, for her sake.” 

“Thank you,” she whispered as Kusanagi bowed and stepped out of the building. “I am so sorry,” Awashima apologized. “Izumo has told me quite a bit about his friends but I…I never realized it would be this bad.” 

Munakata shook his head and crossed his leg. “No, no. There’s no need for _you_ to apologize,” Munakata said. “You didn’t do anything wrong. Just as I suspect I didn’t either,” he muttered, turning around in his seat to glance at the door. Suoh obviously had a problem regarding something with their old pianist. Munakata knew it wasn’t his business to inquire further about the circumstances of their old bandmate, but he knew he had no desire to play for them if this man truly didn’t want him around. He’d had enough rejection for one year.

“You didn’t,” Awashima urged. “You sounded wonderful,” she nodded. “I’m happy you picked it up so quickly.”

“Ah, Awashima you always flatter me,” he chuckled, attempting to lighten the mood. He wasn’t upset at her at all and he really did want to give it a chance. If only for his own sake as well—he had promised to try something different and expand his horizons. 

“Never,” she smiled gently. “I do hope they can figure this out, I believe you could help them greatly.” 

“Well I suppose I will wait to see if this Suoh Mikoto feels he can apologize to me. If he does, I won’t mind playing for them,” he said. Though he had a feeling that wasn’t going to be an easy task for the seemingly stubborn guitarist.

~~

“Oi, Mikoto!” Kusanagi yelled, stomping through the snow to his friend smoking against the building. 

“Don’t fuckin’ yell at me, Izumo. I told you I didn’t want to come in the first place. I told you I didn’t want to replace him. That guy…he’s a terrible fit for us.”

“You heard him play for barely ten minutes and that’s what you’ve concluded?!” he snapped. “He’s talented, Mikoto. Really talented…and we don’t have many options. Can you please just give the guy a chance?” Kusanagi begged.

Suoh simply grunted, turning his gaze away from Kusanagi’s angry glare. He knew he was partially overreacting, but hearing Totsuka’s music played by that man had been far more difficult for him than he had expected. He wanted to say they should forget the competition altogether.

“We all hate this Mikoto,” Kusanagi muttered, staring at the ground. “Yata hates it, I hate it…of course we would prefer it to be _him_ in there with us. And I know you and Tatara had a different relationship but…please. At least give him a chance?” he asked softly. “Just a few more practices and if you still hate him, we can stop and I’ll tell you you were right and that this idea was stupid all along.” 

Raising an eyebrow at him, Suoh turned back to stare at his best friend. He still did think the idea was stupid, but he knew how far Kusanagi had gone to convince him to come back…and Suoh had been ass to Munakata. Totsuka would’ve probably been disappointed in him; the idiot always befriended people so easily, even if they were stuck up assholes who played piano like a robot. 

Scoffing, Suoh pushed himself off the wall. “Fine, a few more practices. If he doesn’t get it, that’s it. I look forward to sayin’ I told you so,” he grunted, nudging Kusanagi’s shoulder as he headed back towards the practice space. 

Stepping back inside, Suoh noticed Awashima and Munakata sitting together, talking casually. The guy didn’t look too upset, but figured it best to apologize now—get this blow to his ego out of the way. 

Approaching them, he tucked his hands into his pockets and cleared his throat. “Look,” he began, unable to meet Munakata’s eyes. “You don’t…suck. It was just different. Unexpected, or whatever,” he said and flicked his gaze towards the man. There was something slightly smug in his purple hues and it made Suoh’s eyebrow twitch. Rolling his eyes, he rubbed the back of his neck and let out a long sigh. “What I’m saying is, we should try again…since I didn’t give you much of a chance and all.” 

Standing up, Munakata pressed his metal frames up the bridge of his nose and smirked. “Apology accepted! I will be happy to try again. As I said, Awashima is one of my close colleagues and since I’m doing this as a favor to her, I won’t hold what _you_ said against her,” he grinned. He made his way towards the stage, turning around to glance at Suoh. “I must admit this is a mutually beneficial agreement, so I’m willing to work with you, even after you were quite rude,” he chuckled, stepping up towards the keyboard.

Suoh felt his eyebrow twitch—he really hated that guy. His ‘one chance’ couldn’t end fast enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gosh, it's been forever XD I am so so sorry. My life got eaten by the Mikorei Dragon Shifter AU, BUT I'm finally back on track with this fic and others! Thank you guys for being so so willing to wait. Also thank you to my lovely bae Sara for letting me adapt our RP <33 ILU
> 
> [emeraldwxves](http://emeraldwxves.tumblr.com/) is my tumblr! 
> 
> [musickazoo](https://twitter.com/musickazoo) on twitter if you wanna chat Mikorei/K Project with me.


	4. Chapter 4

After a week of rehearsing with Munakata, Suoh continued to wait for the sound to improve but it did not. He missed the way Totsuka’s hands glided over the keys as though his fingertips were the ones projecting the gentle sound, not the instrument in front of him. It was so naturalistic, an ever-changing sound, the rest of them simply had to go with his flow. As far as Suoh knew, Totsuka never had any sort of formal training. He was self-taught, his playing filled with the tiniest of mistakes—mistakes filled with love from tireless hours and endless devotion to the difficult craft Totsuka had dedicated himself to perfecting. Totsuka had never been perfect and that was exactly why he had shone; no one had more emotion than Totsuka Tatara.

Munakata on the other hand, was incredibly perfect, _too_ perfect. Disgustingly perfect. Every note was played with such stoic precision, Suoh could barely comprehend how the guy even _did_ something like that. Of course, Suoh was aware of the amount of training Munakata had gone through and it showed. Everything about the guy pissed Suoh off—the way he spoke with such articulation, the way he dressed in dorky looking sweaters and slacks, the way his lithe fingers pressed hard on the keys, the muscles in his hand well defined from years of playing, and Suoh especially hated how serene and pretty Munakata looked all the damn time.

As they stood on the practice stage, Suoh couldn’t stop glaring at Munakata, unbeknownst to the pianist. He played and sang the songs, but his amber gaze continuously flicked towards the dark-haired male, anger boiling up under the vibrations on his skin from the sound.

The echo reverberated as Mikoto ended the final song of the set, the noise settling in the air as the silence began to fill the small space.

“Great!” Kusanagi said, with a smile. “Let’s take five before going over some notes, alright?” he suggested.

Grunting, Suoh yanked the guitar over his head and placed it down on the stage. “Good, I need a smoke.” He hopped down off the stage, not saying another word as he trudged across the empty space, not looking behind him once as he did. He tugged the door to the outside open, and stepped to the side, leaning his back against the wall.

He couldn’t listen to Kusanagi and Yata praise Munakata as they had been all week. The two of them thought it was “So amazing that Munakata had picked up the piano part as fast as he had,” and, “They were so lucky to have him.”

But Suoh couldn’t help but hear something entirely different. “Totsuka was easily replaceable.” No, none of them had actually come out and said that, but they didn’t have to with how much they praised Munakata.

He knew deep down inside, Totsuka would have loved hearing someone like Munakata play his music. Totsuka would be the guy to go in there and explain just what Munakata had to do to get it ‘right’. It would probably come out in the form of a convoluted explanation, but somehow it would be exactly what Munakata needed to hear to play correctly.

A grin spread across Suoh’s cheeks just imaging the scene. He placed a cigarette between his lips, and pulling his lighter up, he flicked his thumb over the small wheel, taking a long first hit.

“Mind if I join you?” Kusanagi asked, leaning against the wall with Suoh as he pulled a cigarette from his own pocket.

“If I said I minded, would you listen?” Suoh scoffed, raising an eyebrow at his best friend.

“‘Course not,” Kusanagi chuckled, lighting his own cigarette.

“Don’t even think about lecturing me, Izumo,” he grunted.

“Well you haven’t exactly been the most welcoming,” Kusanagi mused softly. Suoh took a long hit, pulling the cigarette from his lips as he blew the smoke into the cold air.

“Don’t care. I don’t like him. I said I’d give him one chance and that’s turned into about five.”

“Why don’t you like him, Mikoto?” Izumo sighed, taking a hit on his cigarette as well. “He’s talented, he’s basically learned the songs completely. Are you even hearing what he’s doing?”

“I am. Are you and Yata?” Suoh scoffed, his eyebrow twitching slightly from annoyance. “Listen to the guy next time. He’s stiff. Like someone took a piece of wood and shoved it up his ass, so he’s perpetually stuck like that. You and Yata don’t seem to notice, singing his damn praises all the time.”

Kusanagi choked, coughing as the smoke puffed out from his lungs. “Damn Mikoto, that’s the most I’ve heard you talk in a year,” he teased, chuckling as he let out a long sigh.

“‘m serious,” he mumbled. “He’s got no emotion. Nothing like Tatara,” he whispered.

“No one can replace Tatara, I get that and I agree,” Kusanagi said softly, his gaze tilting towards the cloudy white sky. “But this guy is the best chance we got.” Suoh wanted to argue that they could simply not play the concert, but at this point, he assumed there was no way he could convince Kusanagi to back out. “And he’s not bad. A little odd, but he’s hardworking and he knows what he’s doing. If you really think he’s stiff, why not try and get him to loosen up,” Kusanagi suggested.

“Loosen up?” Suoh questioned, tossing his cigarette on the ground as he stamped it out, blowing the last of the smoke from his lips.

“Yeah, explain to Munakata what you want from him. Maybe he’ll play with more emotion if you speak up. If it’s really bothering you that is,” Kusanagi shrugged, tucking his hands into his pockets.

“Mm,” Suoh grunted. Kusanagi was correct. If Suoh had such a problem with Munakata, he should say something. However, this required him to actually interact and speak with the man. Rubbing the back of his neck, Suoh stretched forward. “Alright.” He headed to the door, sliding it to the side. 

 “Okay,” Kusanagi muttered. “Just remember, no matter who we get, they’re never going to be like Tatara.”

Suoh sighed and rubbed the back of his neck, waving his hand at the other, as he made his way back to the stage.

How exactly he was supposed to broach the subject was a bit beyond Suoh, however. He’d never been one for speaking his mind, nor did he really know a lot of technical terms when it came to music, so he’d have to hope Munakata could use that damn smart brain of his to catch on to what he was saying. Though the last time he had gone to speak his mind to the pianist, Munakata had stormed off the stage, threatening to quit. He didn’t feel like listening to Kusanagi, so he prayed he’d have, at the very least, a little more tact than last time.

Stepping up onto the stage, he frowned as he looked at the other. “Mmm,” he grunted. “Oi, Munakata.”

“Ah, Suoh? Can I help you?” Munakata asked, turning around on the bench. In the light of the practice stage, his violet eyes shimmered with an eagerness Suoh was sure he had missed the first time. Still, there was a slight hesitation in Munakata’s voice, as though he was wary of what Suoh was about to say.

With a sigh and another grunt, Suoh gestured to the piano. “You’re still stiff,” he said.

“Pardon?” Munakata frowned, glancing towards the keys.

“You’re still missing a lot of the…uh…feelings of the songs?” Suoh said slowly, trying his best to choose his words carefully. “You gotta loosen up.”

Munakata stood up slowly and folded his arms. “Can you please elaborate?” he asked, pressing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. “Or perhaps you’d prefer to give me and example of how to do exactly what you’re asking me to do?”

“Mmm…” Suoh grunted and closed his eyes. He wished he could say it with the eloquence of Tatara, even Kusanagi would be more organized about this than him. He rubbed his forehead. “Alright. When you’re playing, what are you thinking about?” Suoh asked, folding his arms indignantly.

“The notes, of course,” Munakata replied quickly.

“Hmm…yeah, okay, no,” Suoh shook his head. “Try, uh…okay. If it’s a happy song, think about something that makes you happy. If it’s a sad song think about something that makes you sad. You know what I mean? Don’t just think about the notes,” he explained.

Tilting his head slightly, Munakata looked perplexed and Suoh could tell the other hadn’t really understood. “That’s all well and good, but one has to focus on the notes to play correctly,” he said, glancing toward the sheet music on the stand.

“Nah,” Suoh said, shaking his hand. “Forget about that. If you mess up, you mess up. Just focus on the emotion, play what you think the feeling of the song is. Make sense?” Sighing Munakata tugged on the bottom of his sweater sleeve.

“Alright, how about I try it and you can tell me if you think it’s better?” he asked, raising an eyebrow at him. Suoh frowned and shut his eyes, nodding. Though Munakata was agreeing, it almost felt as though he were simply agreeing to shut Suoh up. The guitarist knew the way he had described what he meant hadn’t been the most eloquent, but Munakata could at least try, since he had asked…semi-nicely.

“Yeah, okay,” Suoh replied, watching as Munakata took a seat back at the piano. He raised his hands and began to play the first of Totsuka’s songs. It was a faster piece, since it was the opener and Munakata really did handle the tempo with excellence, Suoh couldn’t deny that. Munakata’s body swayed fast, his blue locks gently brushing over his cheeks as he moved with the beat of the song. He did look quite elegant as he played through the piece, it was hard not to grow mesmerized with the way Munakata’s fingers brushed over the keys. However, Suoh still couldn’t shake the staccato feeling of the notes. “No, no, stop.”

With an abrupt motion, Munakata pulled his hands from the keys, the sound echoing once again in the large room. “Suoh, do you play piano at all? Perhaps it would be beneficial to both of us, and the band, if you simply showed me what you meant?”

 “Ah no. I don’t play. And s’not really somethin’ you can show…” he muttered. “Try, uh, letting it flow a little more naturally.”

“There’s nothing unnatural about what I’m doing,” Munakata retorted. “Suoh, perhaps we’re having some kind of misunderstanding. You’re not a pianist, so you most likely do not understand the small subtle nuances—”

“I know what this song is supposed to sound like,” he glared at the other. “And it’s not that.” Grumbling, he pulled his phone out of his pocket, pulled up his web browser, typing into the search bar.

Glaring, Munakata stood up again. “I’m not sure what exactly you want from me, Suoh. You barely speak to me at these rehearsals and when you do you’re blunt and rude and quite frankly—”

 “Oi, Yata, hand me that pen and notepad by the desk!” Suoh called out, ignoring Munakata’s ranting.

“Huh? Oh, sure thing,” Yata said, hopping back onto the stage to hand him the pad of paper. Suoh scribbled down an address quickly and ripped the piece of paper off the pad, shoving it in Munakata’s face.

“What’s…this?” The baffled pianist asked, slowly reaching up to take the paper from his hand.

 “It’s a club, but they have live bands that play every night. Tonight,” he said, gesturing between their chests. “We’re going.”

“Oya?” He stared at the sheet of paper as though it were a foreign object he had never seen before.

“You don’t really listen to this kind of music, right?” Suoh asked. “So tonight we’re gonna listen and then maybe you’ll see what I mean,” he sighed, bending down to pick up his guitar. “Meet me tonight at that address at eight,” Suoh said, hopping down off the stage, leaving a silent Munakata standing next to the keyboard.

 ~~

Munakata stood outside the given address at exactly eight, which he realized was probably a terrible idea. He wasn’t sure why he had expected Suoh to be on time, and the venue was practically empty. Glancing at the address on his phone, he was certain he was in the right place, which was a plus. For now, he tightened the black pea coat and tucked his mouth under the scarf wrapped around his neck.

Winter was always cold in this city, and while he could’ve gone in and warmed up, Munakata felt slightly out of place. Men stood outside in jackets, smoking, and women wore short dresses and high heels, wrapping their own jackets around them tightly, though Munakata thought they looked as though they were about to freeze. In this weather, their outfits seemed rather counterintuitive.

With a sigh, he glanced at his phone; 8:06 now. Suoh would probably get there, at the earliest, at 8:30. Knowing how slow the guitarist was about getting to rehearsal, Munakata shouldn’t have expected him to be there, actually Suoh would probably get there closer to 9:00. He felt foolish for getting there so early and as he watched people file into the club, he felt a little foolish for coming at all. This clearly was Suoh’s scene, not his. 

Suoh hadn’t exactly been friendly to him so far. In fact, the guitarist had only spoken to him when he had something critical to say about the way he was playing the songs. Suoh was one of the more frustrating people Munakata had worked with. However, earlier, Suoh had attempted to explain what he had meant, though he had made absolutely no sense to Munakata. Puffing out his cheeks, Munakata exhaled heavily, his breath curling into the frigid air. He wasn’t sure what more he could do really. He wasn’t making mistakes, and yet, somehow, Suoh wasn’t satisfied.

Of course, Suoh wasn’t the first person to criticize him in such a way—not that Suoh’s opinion mattered compared to the men at his Scepter audition. But, both of them wanted Munakata to perform different, less…perfect, was the only way Munakata could think to describe it. 

Tucking his hands into his jacket pockets, Munakata silently wondered why he was even still playing with this band. The music was certainly easy and very different from anything he had ever played before in his life, but he wasn’t quite sure how much he was actually learning. The whole reason had agreed to this was to attempt to understand different forms and genres of music; his few months to “experience something new” before re-applying to the Scepter program.

Munakata didn’t mind the rehearsals all that much, though they were much more casual and disorganized compared to the rehearsals he had attended in the classical world. Yata and Kusanagi were friendly people, but they were definitely the type of people Munakata had never before associated himself with—he wasn’t a rock star, he was a classical pianist.

And then there was Suoh. Seemingly, the lead guitarist despised him, though Munakata wasn’t sure why. Of course, he wasn’t Suoh’s number one fan or anything of the sort. Suoh was lazy and temperamental, though he barely conversed with anyone besides Kusanagi. Even Yata didn’t seem to gain much of his attention, though the boy did try. Munakata’s interactions with the man hadn’t been very positive, so why he stood outside of this club waiting for him was a bit of a mystery, even to himself. Perhaps it was his inability to half-ass anything he tried, or maybe he couldn’t help but think this band held the key to moving forward with his classical career, as strange as that was.

“Shoulda expected you would get here early,” Suoh’s voice jolted Munakata from his thoughts as he turned around, seeing the red-haired guitarist smoking a cigarette in front of him.

“I got here on time, actually,” Munakata retorted. “Unlike _some_ people, I actually carry a watch,” he said, raising an eyebrow at Suoh.

Brushing past him, Suoh shook his head and waved his hand. “Let’s go,” he mumbled, ignoring the bite in Munakata’s voice. Not wanting to stay outside any longer, Munakata rolled his eyes and followed, annoyed Suoh hadn’t even offered an apology.

As they stepped into the club, Munakata was immediately hit with the loud sound pounding in his chest. The bass rumbled under his skin, pulsing in his ears. It wasn’t an unpleasant sound, but Munakata had never been around something so overbearingly loud.

“What are we supposed to do?” Munakata called out and Suoh glanced at him, gesturing towards the stage, wanting the other to focus his attention there. Suoh’s lips moved, but Munakata couldn’t actually hear anything he said. Sighing, he stepped closer to the red-haired male. “It’s loud!” he yelled and Suoh turned to him once more, raising an eyebrow as he pointed to his ear and shrugged. Even yelling this close to him, Suoh couldn’t hear him over the loud sound?

Suoh tilted his head and gestured towards the stage, wanting them to move closer as the band playing began to start a new song. Pushing through the sweaty people, Munakata winced, until he and Suoh stopped. They were closer now and Munakata felt a bead of sweat begin to trickle down his own forehead. The crowd was tight and the band was loud and he was sweltering in the heavy jacket now. He glanced at his surroundings, mesmerized by the people moving about. They seemed to be so enthralled in the music, though practically none of them were actually looking at the stage and the ones that were, had their eyes closed. It was strange, very different from any concert he had ever attended.

Thinking back, he could remember watching classical concerts as a child, his eyes shimmering with envy as he watched older pianists play with such ease. It was as though their bodies had melded into their instrument, flowing through time with the legato sounds. Everyone around him would be transfixed by the person on stage, gazes unmoving. To capture an audience in such a way had always impressed Munakata greatly. When he watched those performances, he wanted nothing more than to be like the pianists he saw on those stage, drawing everyone in.

Currently, he couldn’t help but think these people were the same. Though it appeared to be different, the men on the stage were captivating their audience. So much so, they could get them to move and dance. It was loud, though Munakata could tell they were talented musicians. Just as the pianists from his childhood had, it seemed these men had a connection with the instruments. His eyes stared at the stage, watching at the men moved about. He glanced toward the keyboardist and focused in on the sound coming from that direction. Of course, it was hard to pick out one instrument among the loud mixture, and he was actually impressed at how well the sound blended into the song.

Glancing at Suoh next to him, Munakata felt his cheeks flush as he noticed Suoh was staring at him and not the stage. Their eyes met for a brief moment and Suoh smirked, turning his gaze to the stage, his body rocking ever so slightly to the music blasting in the room. Munakata wasn’t sure why Suoh had been watching _him_ over the stage—maybe he was making sure Munakata actually was paying attention to…whatever Suoh wanted Munakata to pay attention to.

Right. He was supposed to be trying to understand what Suoh had meant by “loosen up”. Whatever Suoh was doing currently didn’t matter. Glancing back to the stage, he could possibly understand. Their bodies were quite…physically loose, with the way they rocked back and forth, swaying with the music. Though Munakata had never really considered himself to be uptight when he played, he thought it had more to do with the emotion behind the music. Shutting his eyes, he focused on the sounds he was hearing trying his best to differentiate from his own.

After a few songs, Suoh’s hand wrapped around Munakata’s and he pulled him from the crowd. Dragging him outside, Suoh leaned against the wall as he placed a cigarette between his lips.

“Why did we leave?!” Munakata yelled loudly, causing Suoh’s eyes to widen.

“Oi,” he muttered. “You’re outside, you don’t have to yell. I can hear ya’ now,” he scoffed and took a long drag on his cigarette.

“Ah, right,” he said, attempting to lower his voice, though it was hard to actually tell how loudly he was speaking, the ringing in his ears drowning out the sounds around him.

“I wanted a cigarette,” Suoh replied finally. “Plus, you looked a little awkward in there.”

Frowning, Munakata folded his arms and adjusted his scarf. “It was very strange to me, yes,” he admitted. “It was quite different than any other concert I’ve ever been to.”

Suoh snorted and held the cigarette between his lips. “Figured,” he replied. “What ya’ think?”

“Hm,” Munakata hummed softly and shut his eyes, reflecting on the performance. “Well,” he began, pressing his glasses up as he stared back at Suoh, “the singer was adequate, I think your vocals have a more, hm, attractive gruffness to them. The drummer was off-beat a few times, though the rest of the musicians didn’t seem to notice or stop, perhaps they knew he would catch up. They keyboardist was hard to hear in some places, though it seemed he blended quite nicely into the sound, even against the sometimes flat, bassist. I think he needed to check his tuning,” Munakata said.

Blinking, Suoh stared at Munakata and nodded after he fully processed everything Munakata had pointed out. He pushed himself off the wall and tucked his hands into his pockets. “Alright,” he muttered. “But can I ask you somethin’,” he said, Munakata simply nodding in reply. “Did any of those things really matter?”

“Well, of course they matter,” Munakata replied quickly. “If they want to perfect their sound they should consider getting an outside listener to point out the aspects they can improve upon.”

Suoh sighed and shook his head. “Alright, maybe. But did it matter to you in the moment? Cause I looked over at ya’ and you looked like you were seeing some amazing thing happening for the very first time.”

“I don’t know about that, but I hadn’t ever experienced anything like this before,” he whispered, his cheeks flushing against the cold wind biting at his skin. He sighed, shivering slightly as he clenched his fists in his pocket. “I suppose, in the moment, I didn’t really notice much of those things.”

“Right,” Suoh nodded. “And what did you feel?”

Pursing his lips, Munakata let out a sigh, his breath clouding in the cold air in front of his lips. “I felt mesmerized, as did most of the people around me,” he muttered.

“Exactly. No one cared if they missed a note or two,” Suoh nodded. There was a silence between them, though Munakata’s head was still pounding from the after effects of the loud club. If he were to go back in there and ask some of the people listening, Munakata could only assume none of them would be able to point out the mistakes he had. He had been studying the technicalities of music and music theory his whole life, but the average listener wouldn’t care about that. Suoh was correct, it was more about the feeling they had evoked. Of course, it helped that they were quite technically talented, minus the small flub here or there, but no one was enthralled by their ability to play properly. It was their ability to perform and emote which had driven the audience to respond.

Surprisingly Suoh was the one to break the silence finally. “You really like music,” he mused. 

“How observant,” Munakata muttered, not wanting to be broken of the thoughts rushing through his mind.

“‘m serious,” Suoh muttered, folding his arms. “I was watching how you looked at them. Your eyes got all shimmery and intense. Nice to see you can appreciate this music, even if you know nothing about it,” he teased, a smirk tugging across his face.

“I wouldn’t say ‘nothing’,” Munakata retorted quickly. “But you are correct, though I haven’t explored other genres as much as I have classical, I do adore music of all kinds.”

“Use that,” Suoh grunted.

“Huh?” Munakata asked, tilting his head in confusion.

“Look, I guess what I’ve been tryin’ to say is—I can’t really teach you what I need you to learn, but you gotta put more of yourself, your emotions and your experiences, into what you’re playing. That’s how you get that sort of reaction and that’s how you blend your sound with us,” he said. Munakata was surprised by how quickly Suoh spoke and how clear his statement had been. Munakata had actually understood his intention that time.

“I see,” he muttered in response. He needed time to think it all over. This evening had been an overwhelming whirlwind. “I think it best we end this evening’s activities,” Munakata said softly. “I feel I have a lot to think on before rehearsing tomorrow.” He didn’t think he could change it overnight, but he hoped he could use this new knowledge to take a step in the proper direction.

“Right. See ya’,” Suoh shrugged, tossing his cigarette to the ground as he stamped it out with his foot. He gave Munakata a wave and headed off.

Munakata was frustrated—trying to make sense of it all and wondering if all this time, his piano had been lacking some form of deeper emotion. What experiences could he call upon to bring forth the emotion in the songs HOMRA had given him? Most of his experiences included his time as a student of piano and most of the hardships he’d overcome included that as well. Maybe he really _did_ need to experience more things.

As he began to walk back towards his apartment, Munakata couldn’t help but think the hardest part about it all, was that Suoh and the admissions officers at Scepter were right about all this. He could only hope he never had to admit that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my gosh did I actually update in a month? Wow, I am so proud of me! XD. I'm happy to say this story is finally Mikorei centric hahah, I hope people are still enjoying it? Well thank you for sticking with me through this ridiculous slow fic LOL.<333 And thanks to my lovely Sara for letting me adapt this RP. And SUPER big thank you to my beta on this chapter [missgine](http://archiveofourown.org/users/blueberry_muffin/pseuds/missgine)! <3 
> 
> [emeraldwaves](http://emeraldwaves.tumblr.com/) is my tumblr! 
> 
> [musickazoo](https://twitter.com/musickazoo) on twitter if you wanna chat Mikorei/K Project with me.


	5. Chapter 5

“You killed him.”

“I didn’t kill him,” Suoh grumbled, rubbing the back of his neck. “I took the idiot to a concert. I didn’t murder the guy.”

“I knew you weren’t fond of him but to think you’d go this far,” Kusanagi sighed, dramatically.

“Shut it,” Suoh rolled his eyes, crossing his arms as he sat in the chair, waiting for their rehearsal to begin. As much as he hated to admit it, it was odd Munakata was late. He hadn’t been late to any of their rehearsals, and he didn’t seem like the kind of guy who was late to anything. Ever.

“Well you obviously did something. Otherwise, he’d be here. The guy hasn’t been late to any of our rehearsals,” Kusanagi said, speaking Suoh’s thoughts out loud.

“Maybe he’s living life on the edge?” Suoh mused, placing a cigarette in his mouth. 

Kusanagi pursed his lips, rubbing his forehead. “I swear, Mikoto…The competition is in a week and a half and we finally found a pianist. I get that he wasn’t up to your damn high standards, but if he quits because you felt the need to scare him off—” Kusanagi was abruptly cut off by the door sliding open as Munakata rushed into the practice space.

Suoh smirked, glancing towards Kusanagi with one eyebrow raised. Kusanagi rolled his eyes, waving his hand at Suoh.

“Ah, I apologize for being late,” Munakata said, bowing as he caught his breath. Suoh watched as Munakata, red-faced and huffing, slipped off his scarf and began to unbutton his pea-coat. Damn attractive prissy boy.

“I’m shocked. The perfect pianist actually did something wrong,” Suoh murmured, though a smirk was still present on his lips.

“Yes, yes, go ahead and chide me all you want,” Munakata sighed, draping the jacket over the back of the chair.

“Nah, I’m impressed,” Suoh chuckled, stepping onto the stage, and grabbing his guitar.

“Only you would be impressed by tardiness,” Munakata scoffed, brushing some of the snow out of his hair. “I simply underestimated how long it would take me to walk here in the snow. It was rather slippery.”

“I was convinced Mikoto had murdered you,” Kusanagi teased, following Suoh’s lead. He picked up his bass, placing the strap over his head.

Munakata pulled the folder of music from his bag, smiling as he walked towards the stage. “Actually Suoh and I had a lovely evening. Quite eye opening,” he said, stepping up onto the black stage.

Suoh watched as Munakata took his seat at the piano. Damn idiot really was far too pretty for his own good. “Mmm. I hope this means you’re gonna play like a human today, instead of a robot.” Munakata turned around, narrowing his eyes at Suoh. Even angry, he looked good, Suoh thought.

“Suoh,” Munakata began, hissing out his name. “I do hope you don’t expect some magical change overnight.”

“And here I thought you were a prodigy,” Suoh teased, before they began to start the song. Listening to Munakata play now, Suoh couldn’t help but glance back at him every so often. It still felt stilted, but slightly less so than it had before. Only slightly, Suoh wasn’t going to admit to any more than that. Shrugging, the guitarist turned his gaze back towards the front, focusing on his own part and singing. Munakata wasn’t anywhere close to Totsuka, but it was better than he had expected after only one day. Munakata was shockingly talented, technical, but talented. The more time he spent with him, the more impossible it became to deny that.

At the end of the set, Suoh turned towards Munakata, watching as he sighed and sat back, resting his hands on the keys. "Better," he grunted, hating the way a gentle blush rose to Munakata's cheeks. "Let's take a break," he said, immediately stepping down off of the stage. The less he had to say to the pianist the better. Suoh sucked at talking to him, and knowing how much Munakata enjoyed talking, the ass would probably start to ask him questions Suoh didn't have an answer to.

Suoh grabbed his jacket as he walked towards the door and yanked it open with both hands, the sliding echo loud in the now quiet practice space. He stepped outside and lit a cigarette, letting it burn down in his mouth.

“Admit it, you like him,” Kusanagi chuckled, now standing next to Suoh as he wrapped his coat around himself, lighting his own cigarette.

"Who?" Suoh grunted, letting a large cloud of smoke escape from his lips.

“Munakata," Kusanagi smirked, raising an eyebrow at him.

"Mm. S'fine I guess," Suoh growled. He didn't have to admit anything. As far as he was concerned, Munakata did his job and served his purpose. Suoh didn't have to like him or befriend him anymore than he already had.

"You took him to a concert."

"He needed to loosen up," Suoh replied. "Wanted him to see how other people play. S'all," he shrugged.

"Alright. I won't push it."

"Besides," Suoh smirked at his best friend. "Even if I did like him, it wouldn't matter," he grinned. "The guy's probably a virgin, and saving himself until he finds 'the one'. Seems like that type," he said, chucking his cigarette butt to the ground to stomp out.

"Nothing wrong with that," Kusanagi shrugged, taking another long drag off of his cigarette

"Wasn't saying there was," Suoh grunted. "I don't want to taint his virgin ass." A gust of wind blew past their faces, the smoke from the cigarettes floating away. Kusanagi let out a snort, and Suoh didn't have to look at him to know the man was rolling his eyes.

"Maybe he wants you to corrupt him," Kusanagi replied, tossing the butt of his cigarette onto the ground. He placed his shoe against the slushy snow, twisting it around as the lit end slowly burnt out.

Suoh tapped the end of the cigarette, dumping the ash to ground. "Doubt it."

"Why don't you ask him," Kusanagi grinned.

"You want me to ask Munakata if he's had sex?" Suoh asked.

"Why not?" Kusanagi grinned.

~

Munakata's fingers swiped over the keys. Keyboards really were not his thing. He didn't like the lightness of the keys...the way the plastic clicked when he applied pressure. It didn't hold the same weight as the grand pianos he was used to.

The practice space was silent, quiet enough that Munakata could hear his breath echoing in the large hall. Suoh and Kusanagi had gone outside for a smoke, and Yata had run off somewhere. He'd been arguing on his cellphone to the boy he always seemed to be fighting with. Munakata still hadn't quite figured out what their relationship was.

He sighed, wondering if his playing had actually grown at all. Yes, he was experiencing 'new things' by playing with this band, but he wasn't certain it was actually helping him develop as an artist. He wanted to try again at Scepter University in just a few months for the Spring semester, and he wanted to be ready. Though he supposed he couldn't quite 'experience life' in such a short amount of time, but who exactly could put a number on that anyway.

He felt his playing had been rough today, his fingers pushing hard against the keys. Suoh had said to try new things, and even pushed him to to be similar to their style, for the purpose of their competition...and yet, today, it hadn't felt...right. Suoh had said it was better, though he hadn't elaborated beyond one word. Munakata really should've expected nothing less by now. Suoh wasn't the world's best teacher, in fact, he wasn't really a teacher at all. He was horrible at communicating, and Munakata still didn't quite know what he meant.

Slamming his fingers against the keys, he stood up, thinking he could take a walk and clear his head. But just as he did, Suoh slid the door open.

"Break over so soon?" Munakata hummed. There was a bit of a sing-song in his voice, teasing Suoh, though really it was odd he was coming back so fast. Normally a break meant 30-40 minutes of down time.

“So, what’s your deal?” Mikoto asked, ignoring Munakata's question as he walked back towards the stage.

“My…deal?” Munakata’s head tilted, his hair swaying slightly with the movement. His deep purple eyes met Suoh's gold.

“Yeah, you know…why you got such a large stick up your ass?” Suoh snorted.

Scoffing, Munakata folded his arms, turning his head away. “Excuse you.”

“Yeah, sorry," Suoh said, stamping his foot against the stage, hopping up onto it. "It’s more like a tree ya’ got stuck up there.”

"I thought you said I was doing better," Munakata frowned. "Did you lie?"

"Nah," Suoh shrugged, sitting down on Yata's drum stool. "It was better. Your shoulders still looked like they were going to punch your ears, but better."

"What is that supposed to mean, Suoh?" Munakata hissed. He wanted to better himself yes, but the way Suoh handled his strange lessons was so incredibly childish...

Suoh's shoulders raised to his ears. "Tension."

"I do _not_ sit like that."

"It's subtle, but ya' do."

Grunting, Munakata unfolded his arms about to speak up, when Suoh picked up Yata's drumstick, rolling it against the top of the drum.

"You a virgin, Munakata? Ever been in love?"

"Excuse _me_?!" Munakata asked, taking a step backwards as he almost tripped over the bench of the piano. "Have _you?_ "

Suoh's normally tired golden eyes widened ever so slightly, a flash of pain flickering behind his gaze. He was quiet, still rolling the drumstick, but even then the movement got slower. Seemed Munakata had touched a nerve. "Not important," he said finally. "Gonna assume that deflection means no."

Suoh was apparently smarter than he let on. "The same could be said about your response," he retorted, his face feeling hot. " don't see why you need to know this information about me," Munakata said finally.

"Don't. Just tryin' to get to know you. And you know, a lot artists use a broken heart to really dig inside themselves for emotion when they play," Suoh continued. Whenever he talked so much, Munakata always felt thrown off guard, like he was hearing Suoh's voice for the first time.

"I take it that's what you do," Munakata snapped, knowing it was a low blow. Suoh was obviously quite attached to Totsuka Tatara, the writer of their songs.

Suoh grunted, slapping the drumstick against the hard, white snare drum. "Not important," he repeated again after some silence.

"I don't see why _my_ personal information is important and yours is not..." Munakata continued.

"Just tryin' to help ya'." Suoh shrugged.

"...Well, still, not that I believe it is _any_ of your business, but no. I have not experienced either of those things. I never had time for it, I was too busy with music." It was true, Munakata hadn't experienced love...or any sort of sexual relations. He had spent his teenage years focusing on the piano and learning to perfect his technique; A technique which felt utterly useless on this stage.

"Knew it. Kusanagi owes me ten bucks," Suoh chuckled, spinning the drumstick around in his hand once more.

"Owes you?" Munakata frowned. "I thought you were trying to teach me some kind of lesson, not _mock_ me." He yanked his coat off the back of his chair. "I'm leaving."

"Ah, c'mon, Munakata, lighten up! This is what I meant about that stick thing."

"Stick...thing?" Munakata asked, clenching his jacket hard.

Suoh stood up and pointed to his ass. "Up there."

"I am trying to learn and better myself, Suoh, this is no time for stupid jokes," he scoffed, turning his head away, his cheeks feeling hot.

"Embarrassed?" Suoh let out a deep, prideful chuckle, as though he were beyond thrilled he'd caught Munakata in the lie.

"I'm not," he said, keep his gaze fixated on Suoh, so not to give away his true emotions.

"Just...take the joke," Suoh groaned, covering his eyes. "Look, you really wanna better yourself, meet me here tomorrow night around 9 PM."

"9 PM? But it's a Friday, we don't practice on Fridays. I have a great deal of solo practicing I need to get done. Additionally, I really need to begin working on my new composition," Munakata explained. He couldn't go gallivanting around every night with Suoh, especially when the man was insufferable to be around. He had many things to work on, and his friendship with Suoh was not one of them.

"Yeah, we don't have practice, so you're free right?" Suoh talked, ignoring everything Munakata said.

"Did you not listen to a word I just said?" Munakata asked, his brow furrowing. "Do you plan on taking me to another concert?"

"Tomorrow. 9 PM. I'll teach ya' how to loosen up."

~~

Munakata sighed, once again waiting outside for Suoh. He should've learned from last time, should've known Suoh wouldn't have shown up at 9. He took off his scarf, and re-wrapped it around his neck, covering up his mouth and nose, the hot air from his breath blowing back into his face.

He yawned, and stretched his hands up. It was getting late, already 9:15, and Munakata wasn't quite sure what Suoh had planned for the evening, but he hoped it would wrap up soon. He'd never been one to stay out very late.

Munakata wasn't sure why he kept agreeing to these weird outings, but something about Suoh intrigued him. The red haired man was incredibly obnoxious and Munakata couldn't stand how he acted about some things, and yet he was drawn to him. Perhaps there was a part of him which truly believed Suoh had some magical answer to his problem. The guy's life seemed to be a mess, and actually Munakata had no idea what the man did besides play his guitar, but for some reason, he held the key to unlocking something more inside of Munakata. Or at least that was what he wanted to believe. Plus, he really hadn't had a bad time at the concert, it had been rather nice to experience something new and different.

"Oi, Munakata," Suoh called, cigarette in his mouth. "Ya' ready?" He breezed by him and the door to the practice space, waving his hand up and down.

"Ready for what?" Munakata asked, glancing between Suoh and the door. "Are we not going in there?"

"Nope," Suoh said, tucking his hands his pockets as he scuffed his feet along against the sidewalk.

"Then, where are we going?" he asked.

"You ask way too many questions," Suoh sighed, turning the corner as they made their way down the block. Their feet squished against the messy slush on the sidewalk, the snow had begun to melt earlier in the day with the sun out, but the night brought back the cold, meaning the wet slosh wouldn't be there for long.

After what seemed like many minutes, Suoh finally stopped in front of a door underneath an awning. A bright red light flashed above it, reading only one word: bar. The sign lit up one letter at a time and then flashed the whole word, in a increment of only about three seconds.

"A bar?" Munakata asked.

"Yeah," Suoh said, flashing his ID to the man in front of the door. "I'm buying you a drink."

"Oh no," Munakata said, shaking his head. "You are sorely mistaken. I don’t drink alcohol."

"You don't?" Suoh asked, turned to face him, the tall bouncer blocking a small space between the two.

"No," Munakata urged. Right about now was when he'd be having his late, before bedtime tea, nothing alcoholic.

"You tried it?"

"No," Munakata repeated.

"Well you wanna experience shit right?"

Pulling out his wallet, Munakata showed his ID to the man, following Suoh inside. "I refuse to get drunk."

"S'fine," Suoh shrugged, grabbing a high top table for them near the bar. "Wait here, I'll get you something you might be okay with."

Munakata watched Suoh disappear into the large crowd of people. The bass was loud here too, but in a different way than the concert. This one pounded in his head, reverberating against his eyes. The speakers amplifying the loud twisting sounds of the dance music.

It was hot, sweaty, and the club smelled like a mixture of smoke, alcohol and body sweat. Munakata thought he might choke on the heavy atmosphere, the body heat lingering all around him, even though he was nowhere near the bar or the music. This certainly was a...new experience.

Suoh returned, placing a blue looking drink in front of Munakata, and he placed a small glass of brown liquid down in front of his own chair. "Try that," he said, gesturing to the blue glass.

"What is it?"

"A...blue drink," Suoh said, taking a sip of his own. "Just trust me. It's kinda sweet, kinda sour. You'll like it."

"Hm," Munakata hummed, pulling the drink towards his mouth. He sniffed it, and it smelled almost exactly as Suoh had described. Wrapping his lips around the thin glass, he took a small sip. The alcohol, or what Munakata assumed was the alcohol, was very strong, though it did have a sour taste, making Munakata's lips recoil for a moment. "It's not...terrible," he said. "But...why did you want to take me drinking?" Munakata asked, calling over the music.

"You said you wanted to experience new things, right? I figured you'd never been to a place like this."

Suoh wasn't wrong. Munakata had never actually been out to a bar or a club before. Nor had he tried anything like this drink. It really wasn't horrible. He took another sip, a larger one this time, the liquid stinging his throat as it went down.

"A very strange sensation..." he hummed.

Suoh chuckled, shaking his head. He raised his own glass to his lips, sucking down the brown liquid with ease. Obviously, this was something Suoh had done many times before. His golden eyes stayed fixated on the drink in front of him, sadness washing over him. For a moment, Munakata couldn't help but notice how attractive Suoh was, especially when he wore that cocky smirk, as obnoxious as it was. And when he looked sad, his eyes held a loneliness Munakata found he wished to understand.

He couldn't really figure out why though, and his cheeks felt flushed just thinking about it. He took a deep breath, and took a large gulp of the liquid.

"Oi, pace yourself if you don't wanna get drunk," Suoh grumbled, shaking his head. "You've never had alcohol before and you probably ate hours ago, it might hit you fast."

Munakata didn't really know what Suoh meant, so instead, he changed the subject. "What made you want to play guitar?" Munakata called out over the crowd.

Suoh quickly glanced away, looking annoyed. "Not important," he snapped.

"Hm. I told you quite a few things about myself, don't you think it's only fair you tell me at least one thing about you." Another sip slipped down his throat, the burn stronger that time, perhaps this drink had far more alcohol than he realized. His skin felt tingly, and his face felt hot.

Suoh swirled the drink around in his hand, took a large gulp, finishing off the drink. "You want one more?" Suoh asked.

Munakata looked at the blue drink which was slowly depleting. "Why not!" he shrugged, letting out a chuckle. "Since I am 'experiencing' things."

Suoh stood up from the table, moving over towards the bar yet again. Munakata followed his movements, noting again his attractiveness. He was tall, and his hair was so wild, Munakata couldn't even fathom doing his own hair in such a way. It seemed difficult...but it fit Suoh's gruff persona.

Suoh placed the drinks down on the table, and pulled himself onto the chair. "Totsuka," he said flatly.

"Totsuka?" Munakata asked, finishing off the rest of his first drink as he moved onto the second. "The...pianist before me?"

"Yeah," Suoh grunted.

"What...about him?" Munakata asked, knowing it was a...touchy subject with the red head.

"He's the reason," Suoh said, taking a large gulp of his brown drink.

"That...you play?" Munakata asked, putting two and two together.

"Yeah. He taught me. He started writing these dumb songs. Damn they were so stupid, and he wanted to play 'em...so he gave me a guitar and started teaching me. Sooner or later, we became this."

This. Their band, HOMRA, and yet, Totsuka was gone. Suoh's reason. It all became clear; Suoh had been in love with Totsuka...or well...in love with his music, though perhaps maybe him as well...and when Totsuka was gone, there was no reason for Suoh to play anymore. No wonder he was so picky about the piano.

"Ah...I see," Munakata said, swirling the half drank blue drink in his hand. "I...hope I can do his songs justice then," Munakata said, his purple gaze focusing on the liquid.

"Mmm," Suoh grunted, the noise barely audible as he finished off his drink.

Munakata felt a little fuzzy, the pounding in his head growing stronger. He took the drink and gulped it down, slamming the glass on the table. "Alright," he called out. "I will buy the next ones!" he announced, standing up before Suoh could object. He made his way to the bar, suddenly realizing he had no idea what the drinks were called, but as he leaned against the bar, ready to turn back towards Suoh, a man stopped in front of him.

"You're pretty, for a dude," the tall man said, staring directly into Munakata's eyes.

"Ah, well, thank you!" Munakata said, confused by the strange compliment.

The man raised his fingers, running them over the blue strands of Munakata's hair next to his face. "I bet you'd be a great time for me tonight," he said, leaning closer. His breath smelled strong of alcohol, and his hair was messy, as though he'd been dancing in sweat all night.

"I am...unsure about that," Munakata chuckled, backing up against the bar. The man stepped closer, blocking him in, though Munakata's eyes darted behind the man. If he wanted to, he could duck under his arm, pushing past him and-

"Hey!" A familiar voice called over. "What the hell is going on here?" Suoh's golden eyes looked intense, angry. He stepped next to the sweaty man and glared, wrapping his arm around Munakata's waist.

Feeling dizzy, Munakata felt his arm get yanked forward, away from the strange man as he felt Suoh's face moving closer. Their lips connected, and Suoh's fingers pressed against the back of Munakata's head, keeping him in place.

Munakata blinked, the feeling of Suoh's drunk lips and smokey breath were enough to keep him intoxicated. It made his face feel even more flush, and his stomach flip flopped, turning over on itself. Pulling back, Munakata kept his eyes shut, waiting for the lips to return, but they did not.

"We're leaving," Suoh grunted instead, tugging Munakata's hand in the direction of the exit.

~~

Suoh wasn't sure why he did it. He'd seen the man from afar earlier in the night. The asshole had been drunk, pointed almost directly at them, and Suoh knew he was pointing at pretty boy Munakata. The idiot was a walking target. Beautiful, slightly intoxicated, the man of course had gone in for the kill when Munakata had approached the bar alone.

Munakata hadn't seemed to notice what the man was doing though, and Suoh took it into his own hands to...well, ‘save’ him. He'd wrapped his arm around Munakata's shockingly slender waist, pulled him close, and when the man had taken a step forward, Suoh had possessively kissed Munakata's lips.

And man, for some stuck up virgin, Munakata sure did take to kissing well. He'd opened his mouth, as though he was waiting for the kiss to progress. But instead, Suoh willed himself to pull away.

All night, Suoh had been practically unable to take his eyes off of the blue haired man. He'd looked so damn cute, sucking down the alcoholic beverage for the first time, and he'd seemed so proud when he was going over to the bar. Suoh had watched him leaning forward over the bar and his golden eyes had followed his slender back all the way down to the curve of his perfectly taut ass. His blue hair framed his face perfectly too, the wisps of his bangs flicking out to the side in the most perfect wave. Was everything about this asshole perfect?

And after the kiss, Munakata's eyes had stayed closed, and Suoh was fascinated by the shape of Munakata's mouth and the way his eyes fluttered. His face was so damn flushed, probably from the alcohol and heat, though Suoh secretly wished it was from the kiss too. Maybe...

"We're leaving," he grunted, dragging Munakata outside away from the club.

"What was that?" Munakata said loudly, his ears adjusting to the outdoors.

"Stupid assholes like that were going to hit on your pretty boy face all night. I couldn't keep protecting you," Suoh growled.

"Oya? I didn't need protection," Munakata said, yanking his hand away. "I was actually about to duck under his arm and move around him. He wasn't a very intelligent man, it would've been easy to get away. And yet, you felt the need to _kiss_ me?! Why?! What were you trying to prove!? You could've just pulled me away-"

"Ya' didn't see the way he was looking at ya'. I was-" Suoh stopped, turning around to look at Munakata's frowning face. What exactly _was_ he trying to do? "Forget it...let's just go. I'll walk ya' back," Suoh grumbled, tucking his hands into his pockets as he walked silently ahead.

"Ah yes, all is well now. You said 'forget it', so now we can move on!" Munakata called out. Obviously the alcohol had hit him by now, and he kept talking as the two of them made their way back to the pianist's apartment. "You kiss me, give me my first kiss, for practically no reason, but of course we drop it, because making Suoh talk is far too much effort for his lazy behind," Munakata rambled.

"Shut up," Suoh grumbled, his brow twitching angrily. "Or I'll kiss ya' again just to make ya'."

"Oya, oya!" Munakata chuckled, walking faster to walk next to Suoh. "I think you _want_ to kiss me more!" he teased, which only made Suoh walk faster.

He did not wish to kiss Munakata again. He'd only done it to stop the other asshole from kissing him. The man was insufferable, and completely obnoxious, especially now he was slightly tipsy or borderline drunk.

"I don't," Suoh said finally. "I was tryin' to help," he scoffed, stopping outside of Munakata's apartment building. "Just...helpin' you experience crap."

Munakata chuckled, shaking his head. "Well, you certainly succeeded this evening."

Suoh stared at Munakata's red cheeks. His face was flushed, and his breath was heated enough to make a cloud when he breathed out into the cool air. No, he definitely did...not want to kiss Munakata again. He clenched his fists in his pockets. "Yeah, welcome."

"I suppose I'll see you Monday then," Munakata said, his voice softer.

"Right, Monday."

"Until then," Munakata said, turning away from Suoh to head towards the lobby of his apartment complex.

Suoh let out a long sigh, pulling out a cigarette. He began to walk away, wondering what the inside of Munakata's apartment looked like.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HERE I AM. A YEAR AND A HALF LATER, GIVING A NEW CHAPTER LIKE AN ASSHOLE. LOL I hope you enjoy it! I promised this fic wasn't dead. And it will eventually be finished XD if anyone cares?? It's Mikorei Week! So I thought it would be cool to put out a new chapter of this :). This is for Day 1 Fascination, I felt it was appropriate cause the two of them are sort of quietly fascinated with the other at this point, even if they don't admit it! Thanks to Adriana for reading this over even tho she supah busy <3 I'll see you guys tomorrow for more Mikorei ;)
> 
> My Tumblr: [emeraldwaves](http://emeraldwaves.tumblr.com/) or chat with me on Twitter [musickazoo](https://twitter.com/musickazoo)


	6. Chapter 6

A headache greeted Munakata the next morning, a throbbing pain which felt as though it were knocking on his head. Perhaps this was a so-called hangover he'd heard so much about, and yet never experienced. It was...highly unpleasant.

Sighing, he brought a hand to his head, trying to recall the night before. He hadn't been so intoxicated that he forgot, still the evening weighed heavy on his mind. He brought his hand down his face, the ceiling looking partially blurry without his glasses, but his fingers stopped at his lips. Slowly his eyes widened with the realization; Suoh had kissed him.

He swallowed, sitting up quickly, which in turn hurt his head even more. "Ugh..." he groaned, leaning forward as he felt around on his nightstand for his glasses. Why had Suoh felt the need to kiss him?

He claimed it was to stop the other man from doing anything, and yet...Munakata didn't understand why Suoh couldn't have just dragged him away.

He placed his glasses on his face, and pulled up his phone. It was almost 10 AM, which was the latest he had slept in in a long time. Sighing, he stood up, walking towards his kitchen. A cup of tea would most likely help, or at least calm the raging headache.

Glancing towards the piano in the corner of his living room, Munakata let out another soft sigh. He brushed his hand over the keys. The competition was next Thursday, under a week away, and Munakata had never felt so unprepared in his whole damn life. Normally he was the vision of confidence, but currently he had no idea if he was meeting Suoh's ridiculously high music standards.

His hand pressed against the keys, making a dissonant noise, and he immediately regretted it, his head hurting more. As much as he wished to work on music, he really needed to cure this headache problem first.

The pot whistled in the kitchen, and he made his way back, pouring himself a glass of morning tea, just enough caffeine to get his day started. Hopefully, this would help. Standing by the piano while he waited for his mug to cool down, he stared at the large instrument. Perhaps he should consider trying to write a new piece. For the past month or so he'd been so damn focused on Suoh and his band, he hadn't even considered the Spring audition for Scepter University. He knew he had a lot to prepare if he was going to try for it again. He'd been exposed to many different genres of music now, and maybe that was what he needed. Maybe now he could create the perfect track.

He pulled out the bench, and took a seat, sipping on his tea. Could he get the piano to make the sound he wanted? His head still hurt, and yet, he felt a newfound determination.

Munakata placed his fingers on the keys, thinking about his old piece. He supposed the exam committee hadn't exactly been wrong, the song had been boring. It wasn't that he found Totsuka's music to be all that complex, but it did have a certain heart to it, a heart Munakata was having difficulty finding.

And just as he was about to try playing something new, one of Totsuka's songs came out, soft, gentle. Munakata let his hands lead as they brushed over the keys, the melodic tone of Totsuka's ballad echoing in his tiny apartment. It was a beautiful song, even just the piano part, and he added the melody from the guitar, playing it more intensely than he had before.

He smiled, his fingers lingering on the keys once the song was done. His heart pounding in his chest, Munakata took a deep breath, leaning his head back with a sigh, his blue bangs draping over his forehead. His headache had dissipated, and now he wondered if maybe he should play through their entire set. They didn't have practice today, and so a little private session would probably be helpful.

Finally, Munakata thought he was beginning to understand what Suoh and the people at Scepter University meant. Playing through his emotions, actually _feeling_ what the music was telling him. As though he'd been possessed by Totsuka's ghost, his fingers glided over the keys, and he could feel his pulse in each finger, his wrists throbbing with the movement.

He knew all of the songs by heart now, and could feel them flowing from his fingertips, connecting with the instrument. If only he could write a song like this on his own, then Scepter University would gladly accept him, or so Munakata wanted to believe.

It wasn't until he received a text message that Munakata pulled himself out of the music begrudgingly . He glanced at the buzzing phone on the side of the piano, and reluctantly pulled his hands away.

"Suoh," he muttered, seeing the name flash on the screen. He was surprised to see it had already been an hour since he'd woken up, nearly 11:30. He'd gone through most of their set before the text interruption.

Text from Suoh: [U home? Let me in.]

Munakata's face stared at the phone screen, his eyes slowly widening. Suoh was here?! At his apartment?! How did he know where he lived? Munakata supposed he had walked him home last night, but how had he remembered?

He glanced around his apartment. It was, of course, spotless, but he hadn't been expecting any guests and wasn't sure what Suoh would require. Had he possibly been summoned by Totsuka's music? Maybe Suoh could just tell when someone was playing it. Though Munakata knew that was absolutely ridiculous.

Text from Suoh: [Hey]

Another small ding sounded on his phone. And another, and another...and...another.

Text from Suoh: [Munakata]

Text from Suoh: [Muna]

Text from Suoh: [kata]

Text from Suoh: [Cold]

Munakata's eyebrow twitched as he stared at the phone. Any headache he had gotten rid of was slowly returning. He had half the mind to leave Suoh out there, but instead he found himself rolling his eyes as he opened their chat.

Text to Suoh: [Dial 444, and I will buzz you in. I'm on the 4th floor, apartment 44.]

He felt his face heat up, thinking about seeing Suoh again, after the events from the evening prior. Would he say anything about the kiss? No, Suoh rarely spoke anyway, there was no way he would bring it up. But what was he doing at Munakata's apartment? The kiss hadn't meant anything, it had simply been a protective measure, so Munakata was certain he didn't owe Suoh anything. Did you owe someone something anyway if you kissed them? Munakata highly doubted that, there were plenty of people who kissed no strings attached! Just because it had been his _first_ kiss didn't change anything, or at least, he didn't think it did.

His phone began to buzz, and he pushed the button, letting Suoh into the building. He'd be up here any minute, and all Munakata could do was wait.

~~

Suoh could remember his first hangover well, head pounding, eyes sensitive to the light, all highly unpleasant things, and currently he could only imagine what Munakata was doing. Probably laying in bed, wondering why his head hurt so much, maybe he was even trying to remember the previous night's events. Suoh let out a chuckle, pushing the button to his elevator.

He trudged down the hall, sighing when he realized Munakata's apartment had to be on the other side of the building, far away from the elevator. He swung the plastic bag in his hand, letting it flip about from side to side, flapping annoyingly in the wind.

Stepping in front of Munakata's door, he knocked, waiting for the other man to answer.

"Yo," he said, holding his hand up, once Munakata opened the door. Suoh hated how the blue-haired man didn't even look disheveled. His hair looked perfect, his bang flipping to the side in a singular swoop, and his deep purple eyes were surprisingly awake for someone who had been as drunk as he was for the first time the prior night.

"Uh, yes, hello. Please come in," Munakata said. His brow was furrowed, his eyes looking at Suoh in slight confusion.

"How ya' feelin'?" he asked, stepping casually inside of Munakata's apartment. Glancing around, he couldn't believe a person actually lived in this space. Clean didn't even come close to the correct word. It was pristine, as though no one actually lived in the space. "Oi, Munakata," he hummed, his voice tired. "You live here, or this apartment just for show?"

Munakata tilted his head, his blue locks swaying with the movement of his face. "I feel fine? Perhaps a bit tired but nothing out of the ordinary," he said, shutting the door as he followed Suoh into his living room. "And yes, I live here, I thought that would be quite obvious by now."

"Mm," Suoh grunted, leaning in to look at a few of the pictures resting on Munakata's side tables. He stood, presumably with his parents and brother, outside of a school holding a diploma. There were also a few framed pieces of music, but Suoh didn't recognize the titles. "Looks like this place belongs in a catalog or somethin'," he muttered, looking around, his eyes falling on the piano, taking up the majority of the corner of the room.

"Really? I'll take that as a compliment," Munakata hummed, pressing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. "I can only imagine what your place looks like."

To that, Suoh decided to ignore Munakata's statement, holding out the bag. "Brought you this," he said, changing the subject.

"What's in this?" he said, peering into the bag.

"Some instant coffee, soup, french fries from the fast food place down the street." Suoh listed off the items tiredly.

"Oya?" Munakata replied, taking the bag to the kitchen. "You stopped by to give me this random assortment of...odd food choices?"

"For hangovers," Suoh said. "I thought ya' might have one, but apparently you're some perfect being who avoids them." His voice was stuck in his throat, grumbling as he watched Munakata walk to the kitchen.

"I see!" Munakata said. "A typical 'hangover remedy'. Much appreciated Suoh," he bowed. "However, I only experienced a headache earlier this morning but it seems to have dissipated."

"Ah..." Suoh replied, running his finger over the edge of the piano.

There was a small part of Suoh that wanted to ask Munakata if he remembered anything about the previous night. If he only had a headache this morning, Suoh couldn't imagine Munakata would've forgotten, or perhaps he was some miracle drinker who avoided hangovers, but still had memory loss? Either way, he didn't wish to bring up their kiss. It had meant nothing, as far as Suoh was concerned. Munakata's lips had been soft, and the gentle squeak he had made when he had been taken off guard had been cute, but still, Suoh had only done it to get Munakata away from the other man.

Taking a seat on his piano bench, he noted the keys were uncovered. He flicked his golden gaze to the tall man. "You practicing?" he asked, gesturing to them.

Munakata gently rubbed the piece of hair beside his face between his thumb and pointer finger. "Yes, I was. I was thinking about last night, and some of the things you mentioned...about Totsuka," he said softly. He knew bringing up their past band-mate's name was always difficult for Suoh. "Plus the competition is only a few days away," he mused, a slightly bout of anxiety flickering across his eyes. "The short answer is yes, I was practicing."

"Mm," Suoh grunted again. One of the only other people he had met who was as diligent as Munakata when it came to music was Totsuka.

"I apologize," Munakata said quietly, bowing his head. "I suppose you would prefer me to not speak about Totsuka Tatara."

"S'fine," Suoh said, pushing himself off of the piano bench. "Can I smoke on your balcony?" he asked, and Munakata nodded his head.

Munakata opened the sliding door, and made his way back inside, grabbing his coat. "I'll join you."

It was then Suoh noted Munakata was wearing something more...casual. Normally he was so well-dressed, even for their practices; wearing some sort of nice pants, a button down and occasionally a tie. But currently he was in long, blue flannel pants, and a long-sleeved shirt. It was cute, how casual he looked. He wrapped the pea coat around himself, hugging it tightly to his body.

Munakata pulled out his own pack of cigarettes, placing one in his mouth, and Suoh's eyes widened. "You smoke?" he asked, his voice incredulous.

The pianist chuckled. "Oya? I think that is the most emotion I've heard from you, Suoh." He flicked the lighter against the cigarette, taking a long hit. "Yes, I do. Rarely, but I do."

"Can see that," Suoh muttered, leaning over the balcony as he watched some drifting snow flutter around them.

They were silent, and Suoh appreciated that. He always envisioned Munakata as the type of person who would never shut up, but he glanced over, watching as Munakata stood with his eyes closed, leaning against the railing, taking a long drag off of the cigarette.

"Tatara died," Suoh said finally, the words sounding foreign on his lips. It was a sentence he didn't approve of saying, and yet the words slipped from his lips. He wasn't sure why he felt the need to tell Munakata, the man was intelligent, he had to have known.

"I assumed," Munakata whispered, his gaze staring down at his feet. "I didn't wish to ask how or why, as I did not wish to re-open any wounds. It is obvious you cared for him deeply."

"Loved him," Suoh said, again the foreignness of the phrase tickling his tongue oddly. He could remember nights he'd spent wrapped up in Tatara, the blond's smiling face forever scarred into his mind. Sometimes they would sing together, play guitar, and sometimes Tatara would want to try out some crazy new thing, like making balloon animals, or trying out do-it-yourself videos online. And other nights Suoh would move inside him, Tatara calling him his King. And then they'd kiss and kiss, all night long, like something out of a dream.

And yet, life wasn't fair.

Munakata pursed his lips, his fingertips squeezing his cigarette. "I see, I am...so terribly sorry for your loss."

"It was a year ago, almost exactly. I get a phone call from Izumo, some drunk asshole hit him while he was crossing the street. Found him with his guitar and a skateboard, probably was...trying something new out," Suoh chuckled, flicking the end of the cigarette to drop the ash to the streets below. "Seemed like he was on his way to my place." His golden gaze stayed fixated on the streets beneath the balcony, watching as the snow swirled by, making cars drive slower than normal.

Suoh felt a hand on his shoulder, and he quickly turned to the left. "You did not have to share that with me," he whispered.

"Yeah. Wanted to," Suoh shrugged. "Izumo signed us up for this damn competition so I'd stop moping around. Guess he kinda succeeded."

"Well I wouldn't say you've been moping," Munakata chuckled softly.

"Nah. Just angry. Sorry. S'not like you knew. It's...hard to imagine someone else in his spot on stage with us," Suoh admitted. He hated saying that, as though it now made his words true, and the situation real. He'd be playing Tatara's songs without Tatara.

"I am...sure," Munakata nodded.

"Izumo was right though," he grunted. "And don't tell him I told ya' this," Suoh threatened, Munakata only nodding accepting the secret. "Tatara would be mad if he knew I was sitting around not playing. And it would be even worse if people didn't get to experience the songs he did write."

"They deserve to be heard," Munakata whispered. He pressed his cigarette against the snow, snuffing it out. Bowing his head, he turned towards Suoh. "I promise to do my best to play Totsuka's songs in his honor."

Suoh couldn't help but snort. "I appreciate that, but ya' don't gotta be so formal. Just keep doin' your best," he shrugged, pressing his own cigarette against the balcony. "You're getting better at 'em. Hell," Suoh chuckled. "we might even win on Thursday."

Munakata smiled, the white glare from the snow making his face light up. "It is highly possible!"

Suoh couldn't help but blush, guilt washing over his body as he thought Munakata's radiance looked as beautiful as Tatara's, and he wondered what it would be like if they kissed sober.

~~

The next afternoon, Suoh felt pangs of regret going to Munakata's apartment. He'd left shortly after their talk on the balcony, and all it had done was make Suoh feel guilty, and slightly stupid. Why had he told Munakata about that? He didn't wish for the blue-haired man to view him all sympathetically, and he certainly didn't wish for Munakata to force playing emotionally because of these songs now having some sort of 'tragic past'.

Munakata hadn't even needed his help with a hangover, which was the whole damn reason Suoh had gone in the first place. And yet, something about the stupid blue-haired man and his strange demeanor had gotten Suoh to open up.

Then again, he'd also left feeling the most determined he'd felt in awhile. He wondered how Munakata would play, after spending time practicing alone, and perhaps with his new knowledge he would have a new outlook on the songs he was playing.

"You seem to be in a pleasant mood today," Kusanagi chuckled, watching as Suoh flopped down onto the practice stage.

"Mmm," Suoh grunted. "Munakata knows."

"About?"

"Tatara," Suoh muttered.

"How?" Kusanagi asked.

Suoh simply shrugged. "I told him."

"Did you see him over the weekend?" Kusanagi raised an eyebrow, surprised by his friend's action.

"Yeah. Went to a bar," he muttered.

"You took Munakata to a bar?"

"Got him drunk too," Suoh smirked. "And kissed him."

"What?!" Kusanagi yelled, his eyes peering over his sunglasses. "What the hell were you thinking?! Is he even coming to practice anymore? You just-"

"Izumo. Shaddup, it's fine. I did it to get some creep away from him," Suoh chuckled, shaking his head. "Dunno if he even remembers it."

Kusanagi sighed, his shoulders deflating. "I will never understand some of the choices you make. But are you really alright with him knowing about Tatara?" Kusanagi asked.

Suoh shrugged. "Yeah. I think he deserved to know."

"You gonna stop hating him now?" Kusanagi teased, nudging Suoh's shoulder.

"I never hated 'im..." he muttered.

"I would beg to differ," Kusanagi hummed, standing up when the large door began to slide open, Munakata stepping inside.

"Afternoon, gentleman," he said, bowing his head.

"Munakata," Suoh grunted. "Let's get started."

The four band members made their way onto the stage, taking their spots. "Oi," Yata said, sitting down in front of his drum set. "Saruhiko said he could come set up our lightening and check our sound equipment tomorrow."

"Perfect," Kusanagi smiled. "We're about ready for Thursday."

"Only a few more days left!" Yata cheered.

"Gentleman," Munakata began, taking his seat in front of the keyboard. "I have been truly honored to play with you, and I feel I have learned a lot. I hope to do these songs justice on Thursday," he nodded.

"You're doing great," Kusanagi smiled. "Actually I think we have a really good chance at winning," he chuckled, winking towards Suoh.

Suoh rolled his eyes, playing the first chord. "Let's get started."

Counting in, Suoh began to play the first song, the loud music echoing in the large practice space as it always did. This time however, his ears noted the smooth pace at which they all fell into. It was almost like a switch had gone off inside of them all, and they all followed each other, and Suoh's vocals.

Munakata's sound was no longer choppy and stilted, no, instead it sounded melodic, and full of something Suoh hadn't heard before. It blended too, no longer disjointed and sticking out from the rest of the band.

Suoh swallowed, it was a familiar sound, and he glanced out into the empty practice space, letting the music settle in his chest. The noise flowed into his heart, and moved through his bloodstream, making his fingers tingle with each strum of his guitar. It sounded good, _damn_ good.

It sounded so close to Tatara.

Suoh wanted to glance towards the piano, wondering if by some miracle, Tatara had come back to life, and maybe this whole time he'd been stuck in some weird alternate dimension where Tatara had been ripped from him. But one flick of his golden eyes reminded him of the reality. Munakata sat now where Tatara once had been.

And yet, the knowledge awoke something different in Suoh's chest. The music flowed, the tempo picking up as they switched to a faster song, and Suoh could feel how in time everything was, how in sync _they_ were. It was horrifying, it was thrilling, it was a feeling he'd never thought he'd feel again.

"Damn!" Yata called, rolling his drumsticks down against the drum. "That sounded fucking amazing! I really think we could win."

"It flowed so smoothly," Kusanagi said, almost breathlessly.

Suoh stayed silent, the music washing over him. He'd never expected to play like that again, and yet here he was, loving the feeling. He loved the throb of the perfect beat in his chest, and he adored how all the emotion he often stored so deep inside, slowly rose up, Tatara's music describing everything Suoh felt so perfectly.

And yet it felt so damn wrong.

Slowly, Munakata lifted his fingers off of the keyboard, his hands trembling. "I believe that...was much better," he said slowly, as though he had to catch his breath. When there came no answer, he turned around, staring at Suoh's back. "Suoh?" he asked.

"Great," he muttered.

"What?" Munakata asked.

"It was great," Suoh snapped. "Let's take a break," he grunted, and stepped down off the stage. He couldn't look at Munakata, couldn't possibly tell him his playing had been absolutely perfect. This is what he had wanted all along, and yet...

He stormed towards the door, pushing it open as he stepped out into the cold air, a shiver rolling down his spine. It was too late to back out of the competition, not after...all they'd done, but Suoh knew what he was going to do. The second they stepped off of the stage on Thursday, he'd be putting his guitar away, and Munakata would be out of his life. No more competitions, no more practices, no more music. Maybe then he could focus on making things...normal again.

~~

Munakata sighed watching Suoh storm off of the stage. "It would seem I cannot win with him," he said, standing next to Kusanagi. "At first my skills were not adequate, or up to his standard, and now they are, he seems mad once again. Rather frustrating."

"You were perfect," Kusanagi muttered. "Even more perfect than before, if that's possible," he chuckled. "Mikoto is...still hurting."

"I know," Munakata admitted. He wondered if he should go out there, try and to speak to him, but he had the feeling he would only make whatever Suoh was feeling worse.

"Don't worry about him. I think he probably felt you were almost...too close to Totsuka," Kusanagi admitted.

"Perhaps," Munakata whispered. It was the only thing that seemingly made sense.

"So," Kusanagi began, "any ideas for your next application piece?"

Munakata shook his head. "I believe I have learned a lot by being here, and I need to decide how I wish to implement them into a new classical style piece." Admittedly, it had been awhile since he'd practiced his normal style.

"I see," Kusanagi sighed, folding his arms behind his back. "So I guess there's no way you'd stay with us then. Too bad, you’ve really been getting into it lately!" he chuckled.

Munakata looked towards the ground. He had not considered the expiration date on their time together. Once the competition was over, Munakata would have to prep for his application to Scepter University, and if he got in, he would have absolutely zero free time. There would be no way he could continue playing with them.

His heart felt heavy in his chest thinking of it. Of course he still wanted to apply to Scepter University. It had been his dream to be a part of their music program for so long, he couldn't even fathom when such a thought had begun. And yet, he couldn't help but feel a longing to stay with the band. They could write new songs, create new music together. They were simple, yes, but they had something Munakata couldn't quite explain, but it was something he'd grown to enjoy in the past few weeks.

"Unfortunately," Munakata said, trying to keep his voice steady. "I will have to...take my leave. It has been a wonderful, eye-opening experience being here with you, and I am greatly looking forward to the competition in a few days, but..." he sighed, glancing back at the keyboard. His fingers were so light when he touched it, so different from that of a grand piano. At first he had hated it, and now...it was such a pleasant, freeing, different feeling. "Being at Scepter University is important to me. I will keep applying until they accept me, and if I get accepted this time around, well, I won't have any free time," he chuckled.

"That sucks," Kusanagi admitted.

"Actually I'm quite used to it. With so much free time lately, I've not been sure what to do with myself. I practice a lot yes, but I'm used to a very strict schedule."

"Well," Kusanagi sighed. "We'll miss you. Especially Mikoto, even if he is acting like an ass right now."

"I do not know if he'll miss me, I'm sure he'll be happy to find someone more to his liking," Munakata chuckled waving him off.

"I dunno, he did kiss ya'," Kusanagi winked.

"O-Oya!" Munakata hissed. "He told you about that?"

"So you do remember," Kusanagi hummed. "Yeah, he told me. He was pretty nonchalant about it, but knowing Mikoto, it probably meant more than he let on," Kusanagi said. " _He_ probably doesn't even know it yet. Idiot," he scoffed. "Anyway, I'm going to drag his ass back in here so we can run through the set again," he said, pushing himself up.

Munakata's face was far redder than he wanted it to be. The kiss meant more than Suoh had let on? There was no way, he'd done it to pull him away from the other man, and Suoh hadn't said a word about it otherwise.

Swallowing, he gripped the side of the stage and shook his head. It was better if they didn't speak on it again. Suoh wasn't big on words, so if Munakata never brought it up, he was certain he could just let it go, especially since he wouldn't be able to stay in their band after the competition was complete.

He and Suoh were from two completely different worlds. They had collided for this one purpose, and soon that purpose would be ending. It was _fun_ , hanging out, playing such wonderful, heartfelt music. And even though the concert and bar hadn't been things he'd experienced before, Munakata hadn't _hated_ them. Suoh had been far more interesting than Munakata had expected, and the more he thought about him the more he wanted to know.

He _wanted_ to spend time with him, _wanted_ to experience these things he'd always missed out on. All his life he'd only focused on piano, and nothing else. Suoh was showing him something so different, so _new_. It was… freeing.

Yet, he missed his safe, classical piano, he missed his schedule. He liked his routine, and Suoh was the opposite of these things. Suoh was an adventure, one he had enjoyed, but...this wasn't how Munakata could imagine his life being forever. He was a classical pianist, not a rock star.

And, as much as he did think about the kiss, and Suoh, there was no need to bring up one event when their paths would be diverging so soon. The less attachments Munakata had, the far easier it would be to walk away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am REALLY trying hard to update this once a month so I can legit finish it!! And even though it's the last day of October, it still counts!! I hope you guys enjoy the coming angst becauseeeeee It's me and I love angst so prepare yourself LOL! Thank you to Adriana for reading this over SO QUICKLY! Amazing, best beta <3! and thank you guys for sticking this fic out with me!


	7. Chapter 7

After weeks of practice, it was finally time. The competition was this evening, and Munakata awoke, the music in his head filling the silence. The songs had consumed him over the past few weeks, and they rolled through his head on repeat. He did feel just a hint of nerves, tugging under his skin. It had been so long since he'd actually performed, and he had never performed like this before.

But he knew these songs perfectly, and he was determined to do them, and Totsuka Tatara justice. He was ready.

Munakata stared at his closet, letting out a gentle sigh. He was certainly ready when it came to understanding and knowing the music, however, dressing for a rock concert was a whole different beast. Most concerts required him to wear a suit and tie, or at least a dress shirt and slacks. This time however, Suoh had told him not to show up in his suit or they'd send him directly home.

The only problem was, Munakata had no idea what to wear. Most of his pants were slacks, and many of his shirts were sweaters or sweater vests. He had a few t-shirts, but they were mostly plain, blue and white. He had no need for any grungy rock clothes.

Rubbing his forehead, he reached for his phone in his pocket. He'd have to ask Suoh if he could borrow some clothes. Though Suoh hadn't been in the best of moods during their last few practices. He wasn't much of a talker, but Suoh had left abruptly after every rehearsal for the last week, not staying to say anything. He hadn't even been critiquing Munakata, which had Kusanagi believing Suoh was satisfied with Munakata’s performance. Munakata however, wasn't so sure.

**Text to Suoh:** [Do you have some spare time? I was hoping to ask for your assistance in regards to my clothing situation for this evening.]

He pushed send, and began to look through his closet again. Nothing was really jumping out at him, but maybe he could...rip a t-shirt or something. That was edgy and interesting right? He did have a pair of dark jeans, maybe those would work? His phone buzzed and he glanced at the reply.

**Text from Suoh:** [comin]

Of course Suoh wasn't exactly the best with words, and his text messages were always clipped and short, but Munakata didn't care at the moment. He was relieved Suoh was going to help him.

It took Suoh close to an hour to get to Munakata's apartment. He had no idea how far away Suoh lived, but knowing him, he'd probably taken the majority of that time to get out of bed.

"Thank you for coming over Suoh, I appreciate it, seeing as I have absolutely no clue what I could possibly wear tonight," he rambled, as Suoh brushed past him and stepped inside of his apartment. Munakata noticed the few bags in his hand. He tossed them onto Munakata's couch and flopped down.

"Here," he grunted, holding one of the bags out. "I brought this."

Reaching forward, Munakata took the bag and peered inside. A collection of shirts were all bundled up and squished inside, wrinkled, completely messy. "Suoh...What is this?"

A sigh trilled from Suoh's lips. "Figured you had nothin', brought you shit," he grunted.

"Well I... appreciate it," Munakata said, clearing his throat as he pulled out one of the shirts. The front was completely torn up, and Munakata's face flushed red. "Suoh, if I wear this, my..." he trailed off.

"Yeah people will see your chest. Who cares?" he asked.

Munakata's nose wrinkled, and he placed the shirt down on the table, shaking his head. Instead, he pulled out another shirt. This one was completely black, with a pattern of dark gray paint splatter across the front, the sleeves were short, cut up to be a short-sleeved t-shirt. It looked tiny, though Munakata could imagine he and Suoh weren't too different as far as sizes went. They were about the same height and build, though Munakata was possibly a bit more lean comparatively.

"This seems...small," he observed.

"Just try it. It's supposed to be tight, and you put this over it," he muttered, chucking a leather jacket towards him. "Ya' have jeans right?"

Munakata nodded. "But they're not...tight like this?" he said. Glancing over at Suoh, he picked up the shirt and his jeans and made his way to the bathroom.

"What?" Suoh called after him. "You can't change in front of me?"

"No!" Munakata called out from the bathroom. He wasn't going to strip down in front of the other man. His mind immediately flashed to their prior kiss. Kisses had the potential to be innocent, but they also had the potential to lead elsewhere, and Munakata was starting to wonder what would've happened if Suoh had come inside with him that night. He swallowed, shaking his head. Now was not the time to be thinking of that.

He yanked the shirt over his head, surprised at how tightly it hugged his body, and he pulled up his jeans, bringing his jacket over it. "Is this...alright?" he asked, tugging on the bottom of the shirt to make sure it didn't ride up at all.

Snorting, Suoh stood up, folding his arms. "Yeah. You actually look...cool." Munakata tried to ignore the hint of red which sat upon Suoh's cheeks.

"Cool?" Munakata muttered, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose.

"Yeah, less uptight," he chuckled, patting Munakata on the shoulder.

"Really now?" he smiled. "I suppose I should be thankful then. Without your clothes I would've looked quite foolish this evening," he smirked. He stepped back, glancing at his phone as he noticed the time. "Should we be heading out? Kusanagi mentioned sound check would be early."

Suoh sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. "Guess so. I gotta go home and grab my guitar. I'll meet you there."

"Indeed," Munakata nodded. "I look forward to...performing with you tonight," he bowed.

Suoh only waved, shutting the door behind him as he left.

~~

Suoh was not looking forward to this evening. He’d had just about enough of their practices, and though Munakata had grown on him slightly, lately he'd just been so damn _angry_. He was a hypocrite, he understood that, but it didn't change how he felt.

All this time he'd been wanting Munakata to be _better_ , to play Totsuka's songs like Totsuka. But now that he was, and he was playing them even better, Suoh regretted it. It was so damn hard, feeling as though Totsuka was behind him, playing his songs, only to turn around and discover it was Munakata...

Plus these weird stirrings he felt in regards to Munakata...he hated them. He hated how his mind kept constantly flashing back to their one, stupid kiss, and how he wanted to do more. And then the idiot had called him over this morning because he didn't have any clothes. The moron wouldn't even take off his shirt in front of him, and Suoh felt like he wanted to punch something.

Sitting on Munakata's couch, all he could imagine was Munakata nervously changing in the bathroom, his bare chest smooth and pale under the bright light of his bathroom...

No. These thoughts were absolutely stupid. He didn't have feelings for Munakata. Munakata was a _replacement_ for one night, and one night only. Nothing more.

And after tonight, it would be all over. After tonight he could announce that he was quitting, and Munakata could go about his business, go back to his snobby classical school. Everything would be back to normal after tonight.

He stepped inside the venue, snuffing out the cigarette he had walked over with in his mouth. All around were various groups, and Suoh recognized a few of them. JUNGLE was off in the corner, looking all sullen and creepy. Suoh wasn't a fan of their style. Hakumaitou was there as well, looking bright and cheery. Their rock was upbeat, and fun, but also not really to Suoh's taste either. There were a few other groups he didn't recognize as he casually walked to where Kusanagi, Yata, and Munakata stood.

"So nice of you to join us," Kusanagi teased, and Suoh grumbled a grunt of approval in response.

"Yeah."

"Our sound check is in 30 minutes," Kusanagi explained. "We'll play a little bit of each song, just the first couple of measures, and then move on. But hey, I'm feeling pretty confident about tonight, how about you guys?"

Suoh shrugged, but watched as Munakata nodded sagely, as though he were the King of rock concerts now. Yata of course cheered, always the positive one.

"Then let's do this!" Kusanagi cheered.

The soundcheck went off without any sort of hitch, none of them needing to change anything about their set up. Yata had been nervous and started too early, so Kusanagi talked with him, making sure he didn't do it during the actual performance. Suoh however, was simply counting the hours until the damn thing was done.

He knew it was wrong, but he almost hoped they lost. He wasn't so horrible as to throw the competition, seeing as it meant too much to Kusanagi, and Suoh couldn't imagine ever playing Totsuka's songs badly even if he tried. But...if they lost, maybe Kusanagi would give up on this whole thing, and Suoh wouldn't have to be the one to quit yet again.

The groups were led backstage, told the concert was to start in a mere hour and a half, so they had to start letting people into the venue. And as they walked backstage, Suoh felt a hand on his arm.

"Suoh..." Munakata's voice was oddly quiet, and Suoh saw the way his hand trembled ever so slightly. Was he...nervous? He had no reason to be.

"Hm?" he grunted.

"I wished to...thank you," he said, a slight hint of pink of his cheeks. "You were quite harsh these past few weeks, but I do believe I have improved and it is mostly thanks to your assistance. So no matter how HOMRA does this evening, I am very grateful for what I have learned here."

Why the hell was Munakata _thanking_ him? Actually he couldn't believe Munakata was thanking him, mostly because it seemed so out of character. The blue-haired man had come into this whole situation with so much pride, Suoh could barely believe it.

"Yeah well, you sucked, now you suck less," he grunted, stepping into their dressing room, ready to wait their turn.

Munakata let out a chuckle as he followed behind them. "Indeed. I'll take that as the highest compliment coming from you," he snorted, sitting down inside.

The group was quiet while they waited, and Suoh kept tapping his foot on the ground. What he really wanted was a damn cigarette, but he knew he wasn't allowed to smoke inside and he couldn't leave so here he was, desperately wanting to scratch that itch. They were the sixth band to play out of ten, so he knew he had quite a while before they went on stage.

His gaze kept flicking over to Munakata, the man looking a bit anxious. It was strange, he was so used to seeing Munakata looking poised, composed, as though he owned a room when he walked in, and yet now, he looked quite perturbed. He kept wringing his hands together, and glancing at his phone. Occasionally, he would close his eyes and lean his head back, his body swaying a bit as though it were going through the music in his head.

"Awashima is coming," Kusanagi said, making light conversation to break the tense silence.

"Ah yes, I spoke with her earlier," Munakata chuckled. "I think she will be quite surprised to see me...like this," he said, tugging on the jacket.

"You look perfect. I can't believe someone like you would have that just lying around in your house," Kusanagi teased.

"Oh no," Munakata began, "Suoh lent this to me. I have nothing of the sort, though the pants are mine."

"Oh yeah?" Kusanagi grinned, giving Suoh a telling look.

"Yes, thank goodness or I would've looked quite the fool," Munakata chuckled.

"Yeah," Suoh grunted, folding his legs.

There was a knock at the door finally, the stagehand letting them know they'd be up next so they were to come backstage to wait.

"Wait," Kusanagi said, standing up with the group. "I just want to say that I believe in us. We've worked really damn hard, and Totsuka would be so proud of us doing this," he said, smiling proudly. "So let's go out there and kick some ass."

"Hell yeah!" Yata cheered, thrusting his fist into the air.

Suoh nodded, his heart clenching at the mention of Totsuka's name.

They made their way backstage, waiting for JUNGLE to finish their set. Suoh wrinkled his nose, listening to Hisui Nagare scream his lungs out on the stage. Their sound hadn't changed at all in a year.

The audience cheered, louder than Suoh could ever remember them cheering for JUNGLE in the past, perhaps they had gained some traction while he'd been gone. Good for them, he supposed, though he knew they were going to be better.

Hearing JUNGLE play ignited a fire in Suoh's heart. These were Totsuka's songs, and even if Totsuka wasn't here to play them, he had to do them justice. He knew they could get more cheers than that.

"Back after an entire year hiatus, we are proud to be the ones to bring you HOMRA! Finally back to play us their amazing songs!" the MC called out, the audience cheering loudly.

Stepping out onto the stage, Suoh suddenly felt as though everything was happening in slow motion. The lights were brighter than he could remember, the white light shining brightly down onto the stage. Suoh could hear his heartbeat in time with each step he took, the crowds cheering growing more and more muffled as he stood in front of his microphone.

His guitar felt heavy around his neck, the instrument planting him close to the earth, and he couldn't feel his hands. Eventually they were going to have to start playing. He'd have to introduce them, but right now all he could hear was the sound of his shaky breathing.

Behind him, he could hear Munakata sit down, and Yata, his foot pressing against the drum pedal.

_'You're the best guitar player I know!'_

_'I love your voice, Mikoto!'_

Suoh didn't love his voice as much as he loved Totsuka's...but he had no choice. He had to find his voice. He had to say _something_. Their set was to be starting right now.

"Hey, uh," he grunted. "I'm Suoh, and this is HOMRA. We're gonna play some songs. They're uh...written by the best person, who couldn't be here. So...please enjoy," he muttered into the mic, not sure if anyone understood a word he had said.

_'Just play something. Anything. Don’t think. Just go.’_

And so...he did. His guitar felt lighter as he strummed the chord of the first song, the sound echoing through the venue. Immediately the crowd's cheers cut through his ears, and he heard as they hollered and called out to them while they played.

The music began to flow, circling around his body as he felt Totsuka's soul descend upon the stage. The brightness of the lights grew even brighter, and Suoh thought he was floating. Behind him Yata's drums pounded in his ears, and Kusanagi's bass strummed perfectly in rhythm. The worst part was, he felt as though Totsuka's soul had possessed Munakata. If he were to look behind him, he kept feeling as though he would see his old love, and not this other man, and yet, every time he glanced to the side...there was Munakata. His blue hair swayed with the motion of his body, and his fingers struck the keys at the perfect moments, the sound flowing out of the keyboard just as Suoh had wanted it to.

His heart was soaring and breaking, simultaneously, and he couldn't stop the overwhelming emotion which throbbed through his blood.

~~

Munakata's fingers felt light as the glided over the keys, his sweat rolling down his cheeks, his body feeling so damn hot from the lights and the speed at which they were playing. He kept his eyes trained on the keyboard, not wanting to miss a note, or anything. He could barely keep track of what song was happening when.

Suoh's voice reverberated against his chest and his ears. He could hear everything, every crack, every small hitch in his voice, and Munakata could tell Suoh was feeling the music more than he had during practice. The audience's cheers and claps were positively addicting, making Munakata wish to play more, and faster, if only to keep in time with Suoh and the rest of the band.

His heart pounded, but it was light, and fluttery, the adrenaline coursing through his body. It felt better than any classical piece he'd ever played. Nothing had made him feel so damn connected, not like this. He could tell when Suoh was going to slow down, speed up...or pause...it was incredible.

The lights were blinding, and switching from song to song seemed to go by in a whirlwind, Munakata wishing it never had to end. And yet when the last chord played, he felt his hands tremble against the keys.

The audience roared with approval, and Munakata stood up, pushing himself away from the keyboard to give a shaky bow with the rest of the band. His body felt like jello, as though he were about to fall right off the stage and into the crowd.

"I...I cannot believe we did it," he said once they stepped off the stage. "That felt...amazing!" Munakata whispered, his palm placed over his chest as if he could still his fast beating heart.

"It sounded amazing!" Yata cheered.

"Totsuka would be so proud!" Kusanagi smiled, placing his hand on Suoh's shoulder, who quickly shrugged it off.

"I need a smoke," he muttered, and stormed by all of them, his body hunched over.

Munakata pursed his lips. They only had a few more sets until the announcement of the winners, but Munakata had a sneaking suspicion Suoh probably didn't care.

Walking forward, he nodded to Kusanagi, deciding he was to be the one to speak to him. It might have been better for Suoh's best friend to follow him, but Munakata's feet were moving before Kusanagi could speak up to say anything.

Munakata had no idea what to say, though he knew why Suoh was upset. Their performance had been amazing, and it had been amazing without Totsuka. It had to be a weird feeling to the other, especially when Suoh had obviously been so in love with the other.

He hadn't gone far, unsurprising of Suoh, and Munakata let out a sigh. "Do you mind if I join you?"

A non-committal grunt was Suoh's response, and Munakata leaned back against the wall, letting Suoh enjoy his cigarette in silence.

"I know you do not wish to hear this, but Suoh, Totsuka would be very proud of how you played this evening," he muttered.

"You're right, Munakata," he hissed. "I don't wish to hear it."

"It...was a really incredible performance. It is...something I've never experienced before. I have never known music to feel so alive," Munakata said.

"Yeah, because you keep playing that shitty classical crap," Suoh retorted, chucking the butt of his cigarette to the ground, stamping his foot on it aggressively.

"Well...I appreciate you letting me play these beautiful songs," Munakata said softly. "I think we have a real chance to win," he smiled.

"Whatever," Suoh said. "It doesn't matter. I don't care what happens, I'm still quitting after tonight."

Munakata felt his mouth run dry. Suoh was quitting? He blinked, staring at the other. "Y-You can't?"

"Why the hell do you care?" he sneered, glaring at Munakata. "It's not like you're sticking around. You're about to head back to your pretentious music school, and I don't want to play without Tatara. I made this clear to Izumo and he didn't listen and somehow I got roped into this bullshit!" he snapped.

It was the most Munakata had heard Suoh talk, and the loudest, and his message had come across more than clear. "It seems...no one can change your mind then?" he said, quietly. "Which is a damn shame," Munakata hissed, stepping back from him. "What you did on that stage tonight was incredible. I know you felt it, because we all felt it, and you wouldn't be this upset if you didn't notice how amazing it was. You took me to concerts, you wanted to teach me about music, and here I feel I finally connected with it, and with you, the audience and all of this. I could tell you missed this feeling. But if you want to throw it all away, no one can stop you it seems," Munakata snapped. "It'll be such a shame, to have a talent like yours wasted."

With a grunt, Suoh turned his head away from the other. "Leave me alone, Munakata."

"So be it," he said, yanking the door open to return inside.

~~

When the results came in, it was obvious HOMRA was the clear winner. No one else had moved the crowd so greatly, and no one else had been as talented as they had. They had truly connected with the audience and each other.

Kusanagi had offered the trophy to Munakata, since it was his first concert, but he had insisted on Kusanagi keeping it since it was his idea.

"Did Mikoto come back?" Yata asked, looking around for where the guitarist could be.

Munakata simply shook his head. "He said he didn't care about the results and that he was quitting after this evening anyway."

"What!?" Kusanagi exclaimed, standing up. "What the hell, Mikoto!?" he growled, tilting his head back in frustration. "I thought...I figured after a performance like that he'd be ready to come back."

Munakata smiled sadly. "It is...quite a shame. He was so emotional, passionate, and alive tonight. He is...really doing a disservice to the world, by not sharing his talent, and Totsuka's songs. You could write more and do many great things," Munakata finished.

"I wanted to," Kusanagi whispered. "I was hoping that this would help him see how good he is, how good we can be. Totsuka would want him to do this, you know? He loved how Suoh sang, he loved how he played, he loved him."

"It seems Suoh can't let go of that, and he's letting it hold him back instead of push him forward," Munakata nodded.

"I was hoping with you here, it would help," Kusanagi admitted. He ran his hands down his face. "Now I gotta go talk to him," he groaned.

"I don't know if you'll change his mind, Kusanagi," Munakata said gently. "He sounded very resolute, and based on how he was acting at practice up during this last week, I'd say he's been planning this for awhile."

Yata slammed his drumsticks down on the counter. "Goddamn it Mikoto! We can't be HOMRA without him!"

"I'm aware, Yata," Kusanagi sighed. "But I can't force Mikoto to stay with us, or keep playing. If this is what he chooses, then so be it."

Munakata squeezed his hands together. "And...I'm afraid this must be my time to say goodbye as well. Of course I would love to...play with you, but I really must return to my main goal of working towards being a part of Scepter University," he said softly. "I have to start working on my original piece and if I get in well, I will not have a great deal of free time."

"Really?" Kusanagi said. He chuckled sadly. "I guess I should've expected that, I mean I knew when you got involved that would be the case. I just thought after tonight, ya' might consider staying. But then again our lead guitarist won't even stick around so I guess I can't blame you," he sighed.

Munakata let out a sad laugh. "Please, do not view this as personal. This was...one of the best musical experiences of my life. And I feel I'm finally ready to do what Scepter wants me to do. I finally...understand what they were looking for when it came to emotional music," he said. "And really that is all thanks to you, Totsuka, and tonight and..." he trailed off. It was obviously thanks to Suoh, but there was no point in thanking a person who wasn't there.

"So I guess this really is it then?" Kusanagi asked.

"I suppose so..." Munakata whispered, remorse heavy on his lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The concert finally happenedddd!! There are still a few chapters left tho ;) I hope everyone enjoys the last few chapters of this fic. Im still planning on doing one chapter a month! Thanks for sticking with me! Adriana, as always, is an incredible beta who read this over for me!


	8. Chapter 8

Things should've felt more normal. Should've. Or so Munakata had thought, and yet he felt like he was missing out on so much. A week went by without practicing with Homra, then another, and it wasn't long before it had been almost an entire month with no practice.

That didn't mean Munakata wasn't playing. He'd been working on his original composition much harder than before. Scepter's admission audition was only a few weeks away, and Munakata was still going to audition as planned.

Still, it felt _different_. He truly did believe his playing had improved, even now as he sat at the piano, writing out the notes of his new original composition, he _felt_ something for the piece. It held a sadness Munakata's music had never depicted before, and depending on his mood, he could also feel anger resonating from his fingertips. He still hadn't quite determined where the emotions came from, but he could finally feel them there.

Before, his music had seemed intelligent, and it had come from a place of his technical talent. There had been nothing _wrong_ , but nothing had been emotionally interesting either. Looking back on the piece he had wrote before, he could see why they had found his music to fall flat.

This time was going to be different. If he could actually finish the damn song.

He'd taken to walking around out in the snow, listening to the bustling noises of the city. The cacophony of sound would swirl in his head like the whooshing of the wind blustering through his bangs. The sounds sometimes inspired him, and it was as though he could hear the beautiful sounds in his head. However he usually heard it as a band, as a combined unit, not just his solo piano music. Then he would return home, sit down to practice, and the sound would feel off. Like it was missing something.

Really his whole life felt like it had been missing something.

He hadn't meant to fall in love with the band, and the style of music, and...

Well, it didn't matter. Suoh had split up the group, decided to leave the rest of them behind, and there was absolutely no way Kusanagi and Yata were going to play without Suoh. It had been such a silly little blip in Munakata's career. It was supposed to only be a gig for a few months, then he would move on once he had the life experience.

Which he now had, and yet, for some reason, he _missed_ it. He missed practices.

"How has the new composition been coming along?" Awashima asked. She had stopped by to pick up a few music books Munakata had borrowed during what he had called his 'planning phase'.

"Ah, it is much better than my last, Awashima," he chuckled. "Though...I still feel like it's missing something. Or perhaps _I_ am missing something."

"You were rehearsing quite frequently in a completely different genre of music for a long time," Awashima stated, always true to the facts. "Maybe you miss playing more casually?" she suggested.

"I suppose it very well could be that," Munakata admitted. "The thought has crossed my mind. How is Kusanagi doing?" he asked, genuinely curious about the man's well-being.

A soft blush slipped across Awashima's cheeks, as it always did whenever either of them brought up the topic of Kusanagi. "I think he's trying to decide what direction to take his life in," she said. "I know he wants to keep playing music, but he feels strange doing so without Yata and Suoh."

"Yes, well Suoh made his choice quite clear," Munakata snapped.

"I take it you haven't spoken to him then?" Awashima asked. "Izumo asked me if you had, but at the time I didn't have an answer for him. I suppose I do now."

"Indeed," Munakata said, regaining composure. "I have not spoken to him since. He is not much of a talker anyway, so I don't see the point. I don't foresee him changing his mind."

Awashima nodded. "Izumo seemed to think the same thing, but this wasn't for his lack of trying," she sighed. "I think he goes to Suoh's apartment almost everyday," she explained. "He wants to make their band work. Would you...go back if they asked you?"

For a moment, Munakata wasn't quite sure how to respond. Of course there was a part of his heart which was desperate to return to the rush of feelings he'd felt upon that stage, and yet, it also felt so impossible. He had a goal, and he wished to stick to it. Munakata wasn't the type to give up, and he'd been shooting for Scepter University for so long, he couldn't imagine changing his mind to go do something else. Perhaps he could try and do both?

"I...apologize if that was an odd question?" Awashima's voice broke through the silence and Munakata blinked for a moment, shaking his head.

"Ah...no it was not. I suppose I hadn't thought much about it, since it does not seem to be a possibility, even in the near future. Besides," he said, pressing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. "I really am focused on my audition, and you and I both know if I am accepted I would have barely any free time."

"...True," she said, though Munakata did not miss the slight hesitation in her voice.

He said goodbye to Awashima, ready to return to his piano for the evening. He felt as though he was close to finishing the composition, and then he could make tweaks and rehearse it. Perhaps he simply needed to get over the challenge of writing.

And yet, even as he sat down to focus, he found his mind drifting once more, to the stage, to the sound of the music resonating across the audience, to Suoh's voice. The truth was he adored that rush, and if Suoh came back, Munakata most likely would've jumped at the chance to play with them again, even if he felt like he shouldn't...or couldn't.

With a sigh, he brushed his fingers over the keys. He had to focus. Scepter University was what was important now. He was going to continue on his path to becoming a classical pianist, just as he always had planned. He couldn't afford anymore distractions, especially ones which weren't going to follow through.

~~

The snow was beginning to melt, since the spring season was slowly rolling in. The breeze was growing warmer, and Suoh finally could sit outside on his balcony and enjoy a cigarette. Also if he sat out there, the chance of missing Kusanagi was much higher.

His best friend had come over almost everyday since Suoh had decided he didn't want to play in the band any longer. And everyday Kusanagi would ask for the exact same thing. Suoh however, would never relent. He wasn't going back to the band.

He placed the cigarette in his mouth, taking a long drag as he leaned over the railing. He never wanted to touch his guitar again. Never, not without Totsuka, and especially not with stupid Munakata.

Munakata had gotten far too close to Totsuka, and it hadn't sat right with him. It had been a month, and nightly, the concert would haunt Suoh. He would hear the way Munakata's fingers pushed over the keys, the sound echoing in his mind. He hated the thought that he would turn around and see someone playing Totsuka's songs who wasn't him...and he was playing them better.

So he had to end it.

"And what the hell are you going to do now?" Kusanagi had yelled at him. It was no surprise Kusanagi was angry. Hell, Suoh had expected it, but it didn't change his resolve. He wasn't going to play with the band anymore.

"Dunno," he shrugged. "I'll figure somethin' out."

"You can't smoke and sit in your apartment for the rest of your life," Kusanagi had said.

But as far as Suoh was concerned, he was more than happy to do just that. Which admittedly, was what he had been doing for the past month or so. Playing music was too complicated, and it evoked too many _feelings_ Suoh didn't _feel_ like feeling.

There was a knock on the door, like expected, and Suoh rolled his eyes. He knew it wouldn't be the last time Kusanagi tried to get in. Shaking his head, he held the cigarette to his lips and sucked in a long drag, puffing out the smoke. It swirled with the spring breeze, and flew away from his balcony. It would've been easier to do the same.

Sighing, he kept his cigarette between his teeth and opened the door, his face unchanging when Kusanagi pushed past him to step into the apartment. Suoh shut the door behind him, and made his way out onto the balcony.

"So I don't even get a 'hi' now?" he asked.

Suoh shrugged, waving his hand.

"Thanks..." Kusanagi muttered, pulling a cigarette from his own pack as he walked towards the building. "Mikoto...You can keep living like this. You're gonna waste away."

"Yeah?" Suoh grunted, letting another puff of smoke slip from his lips.

"Why did you quit, Mikoto?" Kusanagi sighed, leaning against the railing with him.

"I already told ya'. You've already asked me. I don't want anything to do with music." Kusanagi had forced him in the first place, and Suoh was sticking to his original plan. "I played the damn concert. It was practically a month ago. What the hell do you want from me?" he grumbled, shaking his head.

"I want you to be honest with me. Mikoto."

"I don't want anything to do with music," Suoh grunted.

"Are you scared? Of continuing this path without Totsuka? You actually looked like you were having a good time on that stage, and even during practice."

"I wasn't," Suoh muttered.

"You're being stubborn," Kusanagi said, glaring at his best friend.

Suoh sighed. "Ya'. Stubborn. You've come over here every single day to see if anything would change and it hasn't. I dunno what you're expecting."

"I'm expecting my best friend to pull himself out of this funk and realize what it is he loves doing. I wish you could've seen how great you looked. Hell, we all looked great. And what happened to spreading Totsuka's music? Mikoto, you could write new songs and share them with the world, be inspired by what Totsuka did-"

A long sigh trailed from Suoh's lips while Kusanagi talked. "I already told you Izumo," he mumbled. "We went through this before you practically forced me to come back against my will. I said I didn't want to in the first place, and I don't want to now. The concert changed nothing."

Admittedly, there had been a moment where Suoh had considered it. When he'd taken Munakata's stupid ass to that concert, seen how his face had lit up...He'd realized he liked teaching the idiot about the world of music, he liked seeing Munakata learn new things and grow. But when he got too close, their kiss, the strange feelings which were slowly growing inside of him, Suoh wasn't sure how he felt. It wasn't until Munakata had fully grasped Totsuka's songs, almost to the point of surpassing him, that Suoh realized he needed to stop. Munakata would never be Totsuka. They were nothing alike, and Munakata could never be as good as him. Even if he seemingly was.

Suoh hated that.

Kusanagi sighed, snuffing out his cigarette against the railing. "Fine," he grumbled. "I'll be back tomorrow."

"...right," Suoh grunted. He used to tell him not to bother, but after many weeks of this, Suoh knew it wasn't worth it. Kusanagi would come back whether Suoh wanted him to or not.

The two didn't say anything else and Suoh finished his cigarette, but stayed outside. He wondered for a brief moment what his life would've been like had he chosen to stay a part of the band. It wasn't like Munakata was going to stay with the group. No, he would've left and joined his pretentious university, leaving them all behind. All that work Suoh had done had been so Munakata could push himself forward and forget they had ever existed.

Perhaps that had been part of the reason why he'd quit. He'd never looked at it that way, but now that the thought crossed his mind, it made Suoh angry. There was no point in staying in a group that would have to keep cycling through people, and Suoh wasn't going to teach them how to be little mini Totsukas each time Kusanagi found a new pianist who inevitably wouldn't be good enough.

No, Munakata never would've stayed, and even if he had, Suoh didn't want to get closer to the guy. Suoh didn't want to get close to anyone.

~~ 

The stage looked exactly the same as it had so many months ago, and Munakata felt his hands begin to tremble. He wasn't the type of person to get nervous, but something about reliving the experience from before, made him feel uncomfortable.

The stage felt cold, and unwelcoming, the light shining down on the solo piano was enough to make Munakata feel nervous. He didn't know why though; a little over a month ago, he'd played piano in front of a huge crowd of people. And that hadn't even been a genre he was truly familiar with.

Before the classical stage had always felt like his home, but now, he wasn't so sure what he felt exactly. However, he knew it was a feeling he didn't much enjoy.

Taking a deep breath, he made his way out to the stage, bowing to the small group he was about to perform for. "Hello, my name is Munakata Reisi, and this will be my original piece performance," he said.

A man gestured for him to take a seat. "Whenever you are ready."

Nodding, Munakata pulled out the bench and sat in front of the grand piano. He placed his fingertips against the keys, and shut his eyes. He smiled for a moment, letting the thrill wash over him. This time he was going to do it, this time he was going to be successful. He would walk out of this building, prepared to be a student in the spring; he was sure of it.

With a sigh, he pressed his fingers down on the keys, and began to play. He knew his piece by heart now, and he glided through the beginning, a slower more somber part of the piece. The music felt like it flowed from his fingertips, and though it didn't have the same rush as performing on the concert stage had, Munakata could still note the difference in times he'd been on this particular stage.

The tempo of the piece began to pick up; Munakata's fingers pressed harder against the keys as the anger began to seep through. It was so frustrating, how different things felt now. It was as though Suoh had ruined him. Perhaps ruined wasn't the proper word. Changed? Classical music was his life, and he could tell this piece was exceptional. Scepter University would truly be crazy to not accept him after this, but Munakata didn't feel the same thrill he had while playing with HOMRA, and he despised that.

His fingers angrily slammed down on the keys, his emotion shooting through his fingertips. How dare Suoh change everything he'd known about music. Yes, perhaps he was a better performer now, as much as Munakata hated to admit that, but also he hated that the joy he'd felt had seemingly dissipated.

Or maybe he'd never really felt joy at all.

Finally, he moved into the final movement of the song, a somber ending, laced with a bit of resentment.

All his life, he'd wanted to do exactly what he was doing now. Sit on a stage by himself, and wow the classical world with his talent, skill, and art. He was finally capable of doing so, and yet he felt as though something was missing. The loud roaring of the crowd at the end of a song, Suoh's grungy vocals which were so incredibly captivating it wasn't fair. He missed HOMRA, that stage was where he wanted to be, not this one. This one was far too lonely, and empty.

But he didn't have much of a choice. HOMRA didn't exist anymore, and this stage had beckoned to him, had been his 'dream' for so long. Munakata had no choice but to push forward. His fingers danced over the keys as he played the last few lines, filled with a resignation to the fate he had chosen for himself.

He pulled his hands back, opening his eyes, and he waited for some kind of response. Slowly he turned his gaze towards the audience, trying to gauge what they could possibly be thinking. All of them were sat, mouths open, staring at him.

Finally, one of the men stood up and began to clap, the others now following suit. All of them cheered and clapped, and it took Munakata a minute to process what was happening. Months ago, this would've been his proudest moment, but Munakata didn't feel much of anything.

He stood up from the bench and bowed, stepping forward to the front of the stage where he had spoken to them before.

"Excellent," the man in front of him said. "Simply, excellent. It seems you really took our criticism to heart. It was like watching a different man up there!" He was so excited, so Munakata pulled his lips into a smile.

"I thank you," he replied, and bowed once more. "I've been working on this original piece for quite sometime now."

"And it greatly shows," A woman continued. “Your improvement shows just how capable you are. And in such a short amount of time."

"We'd be happy to offer you a position at our school. You have definitely earned it," the man said.

"Thank you so much," Munakata smiled, and bowed once more. "I am very grateful that you have given me this opportunity, and that you even gave me the opportunity to prove myself once again. I know not many people are given a second chance."

"You have an extremely promising future here," the man said. "We could tell your technical performance was absolutely perfect, and when we gave you instructions to better yourself, you did. We could not be more pleased with your results. So, I take it we will see you in the spring?"

Bowing one more time, Munakata nodded. "Of course," he said, smiling widely.

"Marvelous!"

Grabbing his music, Munakata exited the stage. He had finally been admitted to the greatest music program, and he knew he should be happy. He should've been elated, thrilled and any other word one could think of for happy. And yet, as he exited the building, he couldn't help but wonder if he was making the right choice.

~~

 

"I hear Munakata got in to that Scepter University he wanted to get into," Kusanagi said, letting out a puff of smoke into the air.

"Tch," Suoh scoffed. "Figures."

"You sound mad?"

"Not mad," Suoh grumbled.

"You sound it," Kusanagi teased, gripping the railing with his hand, he leaned back, staring up at the sky. "What did you expect him to do?"

"Nothing. I expected him to do that," Suoh said, shrugging his shoulder.

Kusanagi chuckled softly. "Yeah I guess he did kinda join our band with the idea that he would leave after everything was said and done so he could do his university shit."

"Yup," Suoh said, shoving his cigarette aggressively against the railing as he turned around and headed back inside. He walked towards the kitchen, and grabbed a beer, plopping down on the couch.

Kusanagi's brow furrowed, and Suoh hated that look on his face. It usually meant Kusanagi was thinking about something Suoh would not want to talk about, and he was going to bring it up, whether Suoh wanted to talk about it or not.

"You really do seem mad," Kusanagi chuckled, grabbing his own beer to take a seat next to him.

"Izumo. M'not," he grunted, taking a long swig of his beer.

With a sigh, Kusanagi leaned forward. "Lemme ask you something."

"You're gonna anyway," Suoh muttered, leaning against the arm of the couch.

"Would you have stayed with HOMRA if you thought Munakata was going to stay?" Kusanagi asked and Suoh sighed.

That was exactly the question he'd been expecting, and it was just another question Suoh had no desire to answer.

"S'got nothing to do with him..." Suoh muttered. "He was just a shitty replacement for Tatara."

"Yeah at first. We needed a pianist, but I think it's more than that," Kusanagi said. "The two of you got pretty close."

"We didn't..." Suoh groaned, and pushed himself off of the couch. "Izumo. I don't want anything to do with Munakata. No one would be as good as Tatara, especially not him."

Kusanagi frowned and stood up. "Are you really going to spend the rest of your life hung up on Totsuka? Look, I know you loved him. I get that it was incredibly devastating to lose him, he was one of my best friends, and he should never have died like that. But what do you think Totsuka would say if he saw you like this? Saw you sitting around doing nothing? Do you know how _mad_ he would be?" he hissed.

"Izumo," Suoh rolled his eyes lazily. "Don't bring Tatara into this."

"I will, because I know that's the only sort of thing you listen to. And you know I'm right," he snapped. "Munakata is incredible, and you know that too. Hell, you liked him. Don't even try and deny it. I know you two haven't been talking anymore since you quit, but he was good for the band, he was good for you!" Kusanagi yelled.

"I dunno what you want me to do Izumo," Suoh sighed. "I'm not coming back to the band, and even if I had stayed, Munakata would've left. I'm not going to keep training people to play Totsuka's songs half-assed."

"Munakata didn't play them half-assed and you know that," Kusanagi accused.

"Izumo, shut it. Stop telling me what I know. If you think I know it, why the hell are you talking to me?"

"Because _you_ won't say it. Did you ever consider asking Munakata to stay?"

Suoh froze. It was such a damn catch-22. Asking Munakata to stay would've meant accepting that he was Totsuka's replacement, and it meant he might actually stick around. Which in turn meant that Suoh would have to stay a part of the band, something he was hell bent on _not_ doing.

"He wouldn't have," Suoh said finally. It was easier to push the blame on that asshole.

Kusanagi frowned. "Y'know, I think you're wrong. At the end of everything...he seemed really happy. I mean I didn't know him as well as you, but it really seemed like he wanted to...keep playing with us."

"Yeah, well he's got a fancy university now."

"So you're not even willing to try? We could keep the band, and play together," Kusanagi asked.

"I told ya' I didn't wanna do that anyway."

"Even if Munakata was there?" Kusanagi asked. There was hope in his voice, as though he'd finally found the reason why Suoh had quit, and he was partially right. Partially.

"...yeah," he grumbled.

Kusanagi chugged back the rest of the beer. "Fine. Be stubborn," Kusanagi grunted. "I don't care anymore. When you realize that you're doing exactly what Totsuka wouldn't want you to do, come find me, and maybe we can actually do what we're good at doing. And maybe when you realize Munakata is good for you, you'll actually try and talk to him again."

After his speech, Kusanagi immediately stormed out the door, slamming it behind him. In the silence, Suoh wondered if this meant Kusanagi was going to finally give up on getting the band together.

He pursed his lips and glanced around the room, his eyes falling on his guitar. He hadn't touched it since the concert. He hated when Kusanagi spoke these things out loud because he was always fucking right, and he made Suoh actually think. Totsuka would be incredibly mad if he knew Suoh was sitting around doing nothing.

_'You're the best guitar player I know!'_

_'I love your voice, Mikoto!'_

The words echoed in his head again...and he hated it. Just as how Totsuka's voice had convinced him to play the concert, it was starting to convince him not to give up music, not to give up Munakata.

_'Don't think, just go.'_

With a grunt, Suoh began pacing around the room. Don't think, just go. Totsuka was right. Totsuka was always right. Grabbing his jacket, Suoh yanked the door open and left his apartment, heading for the place he needed to go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh mannn I can't believe we're almost to the end of this story!! It's been so long, but I think my last updates are coming soon. :) I really hope you guys are enjoying the ending of this story, and seriously, I know these are slower updates, but I'm so happy you guys have stuck with me over all these long months of me writing this and updating <3 !! I say this as though there aren't still a few chapters left LOL! <3 Thank you to Adriana for reading this over!! :D


	9. Chapter 9

Scepter University was huge, and Suoh hated it. How the fuck was he supposed to find Munakata's studious ass if he couldn't even navigate the damn school.

Originally, Suoh had gone to his apartment, but when he realized Munakata wasn't there he decided the worst possible thing he could do at that point was wait. If he waited, he'd either fall asleep outside of Munakata's apartment, or he'd get so bored he'd give up and go home. Neither of those options seemed like something Suoh was interested in, so instead he did the unthinkable and texted Izumo.

Text from Kusanagi: [You want to know where Munakata is?]

Text to Kusanagi: [ye]

Text from Kusanagi: [Why?]

Text from Kusanagi: [Are you talking to him about the band?]

Text to Kusanagi: [ask Awashima]

Within only a few minutes, Suoh heard back from Kusanagi. Munakata was apparently working on a new original piece in the practice rooms of the main music building, but fuck if Suoh knew where that was. He had been unaware the goddamn campus looked like a freaking city all on its own.

Text from Kusanagi: [Why didn't you just text him yourself?]

Why did Izumo have to be so nosy about his business? Admittedly, Suoh knew it was because Izumo wanted to get the band back together and apparently Suoh talking to Munakata was step one. Which, Suoh hated to admit...was true. They couldn't play without Munakata, and so Suoh was going to have to suck it up and beg for Munakata to come back.

He wrinkled his nose at the thought. Beg? Hell no. He was going to ask him in the most Suoh way possible. He wasn't sure what that was yet, but he was gonna figure it out. Goddamn Munakata made him so fucking awkward.

Shaking his head, he pulled up the campus map on his phone yet again. Apparently he had walked by the music building, since he was on the other side of the building next to it. He rolled his eyes. This is why he rarely thought about things in depth, it always messed him up.

He tucked his hands into his pockets and began to trudge back towards the music building. He hated that Totsuka's voice constantly haunted his thoughts, constantly reminded him of the right goddamn thing to do.

He didn't like to think about life without Totsuka because everything had felt gray and muted. Awful, like the whole world had stopped, or rather Suoh's world had stopped, and somehow everyone kept moving around him. Hadn't they noticed the most bright and beautiful part of the world had somehow disappeared?!

Suoh had, and he'd wallowed in it-let the despair eat his soul completely. It wasn't until Munakata had taken over as their pianist that Suoh had begun to _do_ things again. He'd taken him to a concert, he taken him to the bar, he'd kissed the man for damn sake. (Actually he wouldn't have minded doing that again).

At the concert on stage, Suoh had actually felt something. He'd felt excited, the joy of music pulsing through his veins. And when he looked out at the crowd, everything looked so vibrant, even with the lights practically blinding him.

Suddenly, him stopping music made absolutely no sense to him. He _had_ to find Munakata.

Stepping into the building, he made his way to the top floor, the hallway lined with practice rooms. The hall was an obnoxious conglomerate of sound. There were horns, guitars, pianos, drums, and everything was so loud, Suoh couldn't focus.

"Okay...piano..." he grumbled, wishing he'd had at least one cigarette before stepping inside. He made his way down the hall, listening for a piano. There was one keyboard that sounded so boring and dull, Suoh knew it couldn't be Munakata.

At the end of hall, he could hear another piano. This had a fuller sound, and though it sounded much more alive than the damn keyboard had, he still could sense a sadness emanating from the room. Maybe Munakata missed the band more than Suoh anticipated.

Taking a deep breath, he stood outside the room, looking at the door. This was it. The moment he knocked on that door, he had to leave everything else behind. He wouldn't forget Totsuka, no, that would've been an impossible feat. But he had to at least _try_. For Totsuka's sake, for Izumo's sake, for his own sake.

He pounded his fist against the door, and immediately the sound stopped. He waited, watching as Munakata opened the door, his gaze on his phone. "One moment, I am pulling up the schedule for proof that I have this room reserved for another-" he paused, as his purple eyes slowly widened, realizing who he was looking at. "S-Suoh?"

Damn Munakata looked good. He hadn't seen the guy in a few months, and Suoh had almost forgotten how stupid gorgeous he was. His blue hair flipped to the side perfectly, as it always did, and his glasses had slipped down the bridge of his nose while he stared, as if he needed Suoh to reintroduce himself.

"W-What...are you...?"

"Come on, we're leaving," he muttered.

"L-Leaving?!" Munakata stammered, and adjusted his glasses. "Suoh Mikoto. I haven't seen or heard from you in three months, and you show up to my school, during my private rehearsal time and tell me we're _leaving_? Give me one good reason why I should come with you."

Munakata's shock had quickly deteriorated into a frown, and Suoh couldn't exactly blame him. He had been a dick, but he wasn't going to admit that. There was no way he could give Munakata the satisfaction.

Instead, he smirked. "Cause your piano never sounded that sad when you were playing with me."

Munakata froze, his eyes widening once again. He swallowed, and sadness flickered across his gaze. Seemed Suoh had been right. Munakata _did_ miss them. "So?" Suoh began, "you comin' or not?"

Pursing his lips, Munakata let out a soft sigh, his eyes rolling. "Let me grab my bag."

~~

To say Munakata was confused was most likely the understatement of the century. He followed only slightly behind Suoh, walking in silence, mostly because he didn't know what to say. (Which was honestly quite rare, Munakata never had _nothing_ to say).

He wasn't quite sure how to process his emotions. He was, of course, confused. Suoh hadn't explained himself, and knowing how talkative the redhead was, Munakata highly doubted Suoh was _going_ to explain himself.

On top of the confusion of why Suoh was here, and where the hell they were going, Munakata also was beyond frustrated. How _dare_ Suoh interrupt his precious practice time. It was rare he got to use the recording equipment in the school's practices room, and he had to work on this original piece. He doesn’t hear from the man in months, and then Suoh shows up and drags him out to who-knew-where.

And yet, Munakata hadn't said no.

Really this was so _Suoh_. He'd done the same thing when he'd taken him to the bar, and to the concert. It seemed Suoh enjoyed dragging Munakata where ever he pleased, and Munakata never said no.

With a gruff sigh, Munakata adjusted his light-weight coat, rolling his shoulders back. "Care to tell me where we are going?" he asked.

Suoh let out a long, drawn out breath. "The bar. We're getting a drink, and we're gonna talk."

" _You_ wish to talk?" Munakata scoffed. "I should've known better than to say yes to this excursion."

"Yeah don't make me regret this," Suoh said, turning the corner as the stood outside once again near the blinking neon sign which simply said, 'Bar'.

Suoh led him downstairs, and sat at the exact same table in the corner they had before. Munakata certainly had not missed the loud sound of the bass pounding in his ears. "One sec," Suoh grunted, leaving Munakata to sit while he removed his jacket, and placed it next to him.

It wasn't long before Suoh returned with the two drinks. "My treat," he said, placing it down in front of Munakata.

Adjusting his glasses, Munakata took a small sip, his lips pulling tight when he remembered how alcoholic beverages from this bar actually were. "Well thank you, but I can really only have one tonight. I do have class tomorrow," he said.

Silence. Suoh nodded his head one time, and continued to take large gulps of his drink, downing the liquid much faster than Munakata.

"So you wished to talk?" Munakata asked curtly, waiting for Suoh to actually start some semblance of real conversation.

"Yeah," he muttered.

"Alright, go ahead," Munakata urged. He placed his hand underneath his glass as he held it daintily in his hand.

"You're pissed."

"No," Munakata said. "You made your choice. I have come to terms with it. I'm not 'pissed'," he hissed out. He had never taken himself for a passive aggressive man, but Suoh always seemed to open new doors to his personality.

"Nah, you are. I wanted you to drink so maybe you wouldn't be so...this," Suoh grunted gesturing to Munakata.

"What? Me?" Munakata scoffed, placing the drink back down on the table slowly. "I don't know what you expect from me _Suoh_ ," Munakata said bluntly. "You decide to quit the band after we had a rather astounding performance, _and_ won I might add, and then I don't hear a word from you for almost 3 months? What exactly do you want me to think? How exactly do you expect me to act?" he said, shaking his head.

"So you're mad I quit the band?" Suoh asked, resting his head on his palm.

Munakata froze momentarily, taking a long sip of the drink. "I don't understand why that is what you took away from what I just said-"

"So ya' miss it?" he smirked, his face too attractive for his good.

Munakata's eyes flicked down to the drink in his hand. Did he miss it? Of course he did. Suoh had brought him into a brand new world, and Munakata had honestly fallen in love; with the music, with the emotion, with...everything...He sighed as the realization slowly dawned on him. He wasn't an unintelligent man, even if he wasn't an expert in the romance department, he did know when something was off in his brain, and things had definitely been off. There was a reason he hadn't said no to coming out with Suoh tonight, and it was one that had been bothering him for all three months.

"I don't know..." he said finally, not willing to admit anything to the cocky looking guitar player.

"Yeah. I get it," Suoh grunted, standing up to head to the bar. "You sure you don't want another?"

Pursing his lips, Munakata held his drink up to his lips, and tossed it back. "Alright, why not?" he shrugged. He'd come this far, after all.

He watched as Suoh lazily trudged up to the bar, leaning against the wooden structure. He was shockingly attractive in the lighting of the bar, his messy red hair curling against his neck. Munakata's cheeks felt heated, and he could remember the last time they were here and Suoh had kissed Munakata. What he really hated, however, was how he couldn't stop thinking about having Suoh do that again.

Suoh walked back slowly, and Munakata watched his hips sway lazily as his feet dragged against the floor. He stopped at their table to place Munakata's drink down before he hopped back up onto his own chair. They stayed silent, and once again Munakata waited for Suoh to say something...anything in regards to the band perhaps? Their own friendship, or...whatever they wanted to label _this_ as.

Munakata bit his lip. "Why did you bring me here, Suoh?" He held his other drink in his hand, swirling the liquid around, but he couldn't bring himself to drink it. Already his heart was pounding in his chest, his skin feeling the tingle of a buzz.

"I dunno..." he mumbled, finally looking at Munakata. His golden eyes shone bright against the dark lights of the club, and Munakata couldn't help but stare, his mouth opening a bit.

With a smirk, Suoh leaned over the table, and pressed his lips against Munakata's, kissing him gently. Suoh's lips were smooth, and tasted like the strong alcohol which had been in his mouth for so long. The redhead pulled back, slowly sitting back down in his chair, leaving Munakata flabbergasted.

"W-What...What was that for?!" Munakata sputtered, his face turning bright red. It had already been a little flushed from the alcohol, but now he was convinced his face matched the color of Suoh's hair.

"Just wanted to see your face like that," Suoh smirked, taking another sip of his drink.

"Suoh," Munakata gripped at his cup tightly, trying not to lose his cool. "You bring me out here, tell me we need to talk, but instead you kiss me, and you've barely said two words-"

"I'm fuckin' dumb," he grunted, and Munakata stopped, slowly lowering his glass to the table.

"What...?"

"Munakata...just...keep your mouth shut for two seconds." Another grunt left his lips, and he tossed back the drink. "I'm not gonna repeat myself. But...look...you're...a fuckin' amazing pianist, and...you did a fuckin' good job at the concert...and...and I shouldn't....I shouldn't have..." he mumbled.

"Quit?" Munakata offered.

With a huff, Suoh nodded. Munakata almost dropped the glass. Had Suoh...really admitted he had made a mistake?

"What I'm tryin' to say...is I like you," he grumbled. "I like your piano and I like you..." he trailed off.

Cheeks red, Munakata drank down the rest of his drink. He placed the cup back on the table, and ran his finger over the edge of the glass. Suoh liked him...he liked him and...Munakata stupidly liked him too.

"Izumo was right..." he grumbled.

Humming, Munakata run his finger around the ring of the cup. "I would say so yes. I know you would like to honor Totsuka's memory, and the best way to do so is by continuing to share his music with the world. Writing new songs in his honor and style is another way to continue on. You're a very talented musician, Suoh. I'm certain you could do this..." he trailed off, a few words not coming together. He wanted to add that they should do it together, that he liked Suoh too, but really did Munakata have a place in their band? He'd never met Totsuka, and as much as he had loved the performance...he was pursuing his dream now.

"Yeah. I'm...gonna tell Izumo we should play again," Suoh nodded.

"I...am happy to hear that," Munakata replied. "I think it will...be very good for you." The alcohol was hitting him far harder than he cared for. Placing the rest of his drink down, he slid off the bar stool and grabbed his coat. "Anyway, it has been pleasant catching up, but I do have class in the morning as aforementioned, so I really must be on my way," Munakata said, and began to head towards the exit. 

He couldn't look at Suoh any longer, if he did he knew he would cave, leave Scepter...and go off to join Suoh's risky band. How would he even know if Suoh would stick with it? He could up and quit again if something went wrong. He couldn’t let his feelings for the red-haired man get in the way of his own goals.

"Munakata..." Suoh grunted, and wrapped his hand around Munakata's arm. "Wait...at least...lemme walk you home..."

~~

Munakata had tried to protest to Suoh escorting him back to his apartment. He was a grown man, and he didn't need another man to walk him back, especially one who had absconded him for the night and only made him more confused.

It was strange, as much as Munakata had secretly wanted to see Suoh and talk to him, now that he had, he only felt unsure. Suoh hadn't exactly invited him back to the band, all he had said was he was going to return himself, but he had also claimed to like him, something Munakata hadn’t quite addressed yet.

They walked in silence, and Munakata kept glancing over at Suoh. He looked awkward, as though he had more he wanted to say, or do, but didn't quite know how to do it. Maybe he was going to surprise kiss him again? That had certainly been strange, not that Munakata had minded the kiss. It had been quite nice actually.

"Well," he sighed, "this is my place, as you know. So I'll be on my way," Munakata hummed softly.

"You're actin' weird," Suoh grunted, rubbing the back of his neck.

" _I'm_ acting weird. Suoh, you pulled me from my practice time and brought me to a bar to tell me you were wrong about the band."

"I want you to come back too."

Munakata bit his lip. He'd been waiting for Suoh to ask him if he was going to, and he had no clue how to respond. It wasn't that he didn't want to. Oh, no...he did. Especially after being incredibly lackluster about what he was doing at Scepter. But he also was terrified to give it up. He'd been working his whole life to get to this point, and he was going to throw it away for what?

Some punk-ass boy he'd fallen in love with...

"I don't know, Suoh," Munakata said finally. "I've worked so hard to make it to this point and I-"

"You what? Don't wanna play with us anymore?"

A scoff slipped from Munakata's lips. "Oya...you're certainly one to talk, Suoh," he hissed, folding his arms over his chest. "I have school."

"Do both," Suoh shrugged.

"I could try...but Scepter takes up so much time..."

Suoh shrugged. "So quit."

"Oh now because _you_ want to do it I should just quit my dreams?"

"Like Scepter is really what you're dreamin' about," Suoh scoffed, poking Munakata in the chest.

"How would you know what my dreams are, when you've spent your days wallowing about in your room?"

"'Cause..." Suoh began. "I'm comin' back to the band for one of the same reasons you wanna," he muttered.

"And what, pray tell, is that reason?"

"You _felt_ something on that stage with us. I did too, and I was scared and I ran from it, but I'm...not gonna do that anymore," he muttered, his golden eyes flicked up to the sky. "Pretty sure some people would be pissed if I kept wallowing."

A smirk curled on Munakata's lips. "I can...imagine."

"So yeah, I want your stupid dumb ass to come back."

"How kind," Munakata trilled, his eyebrows raising. "I...will think about. I at least need to sleep on it."

Stepping towards him, Suoh cupped his cheeks, and moved his lips closer to Munakata's, his breath smelled mostly of cigarettes, but the hint of booze from the bar still hung in the air. "Lemme help you decide," he grunted, slotting their lips together.

This kiss was much more passionate than their previous two, and it made Munakata forget who he was momentarily. He pressed his lips towards Suoh, letting out a gentle sound when Suoh's teeth nipped at his lower.

"Another...kiss.." Munakata whispered.

"Best one yet," Suoh teased.

"I don't see how that would help me decide," Munakata hummed, and shook his head.

"Lemme come upstairs and I'll show you."

~~

His back hit the top of his bed, and Munakata let his head sink into the pillow, taking in all of Suoh as he climbed on top of him. He'd never _wanted_ anyone more.

Suoh's lips caressed at Munakata's, and Munakata wrapped his arms around Suoh's neck. Was it wrong to be kissing the other man like this? Munakata would've been lying if he said he hadn't thought about it, or that he didn't want it. He did. Ever since their first kiss, he hadn't been able to help his attraction to the man.

"Suoh..." he mumbled, his fingers gently twirling through the red tendrils which brushed over Suoh's neck.

"Yeah?" Suoh replied. He rest his forehead against Munakata's, his chest gently heaving with the feeling of his hot breath tickling at his lips. It only made Munakata want to capture them again, and feel them on his skin.

And yet...there was a sense of hesitation in his chest. Was this really the right way to go about deciding if he should go back to the band? Kissing Suoh was everything Munakata had thought about and more, and yet...

What if he and Suoh wished to date, and then broke up? What would the band do then? Would Suoh fall into despair and quit? Or would Munakata be forced out since he was the newest member? Getting involved in this way seemed like such a dangerous idea, and yet Munakata didn't want to stop

"Stop thinkin'. I can practically hear your nervous thoughts."

"I...apologize I just...wonder if this is the best move for us?" he asked.

"Y'nervous?" Suoh teased, and raised his eyebrow.

"I'm nervous if things go south between us. If you really wish for me to return that is..." Munakata whispered. Even as he spoke, he throat grew dryer.

"Why you thinking about that? We just started..." Suoh muttered. Munakata wasn't really sure _what_ they had started exactly. "Look..." Suoh whispered. "If you ya' don't wanna, I'm not going to force you."

Snorting, Munakata gripped Suoh's hair tightly, pulling their lips together. "I want to. I'm simply thinking about repercussions."

"God, Munakata, for once in your life, _don't_ think, just enjoy it," Suoh muttered, his fingers slipping up under his shirt.

"Fine, but I ask for you to forgive me, as I've never experienced this before. I can't imagine I'll be very good at this." He'd met Suoh on a whim, hoping to experience life, and the man had shown him so many different things. It seemed only appropriate that Suoh would show him this as well.

However, Suoh's amber eyes stared down into Munakata's purples. "You tellin' me you're still a virgin?"

Slowly, Munakata moved his head up and down. "Nothing has changed in the past few months, so yes."

Suoh scoffed. "Ya' sure you wanna do it with me?"

"Why would I not? We've gotten this far," he snorted, rolling his hips up towards Suoh.

"Alright," Suoh sighed, nipping at his lips again. "If you're sure..."

"I'm sure," Munakata whispered, brushing his fingers through Suoh's hair again. At the very least, he knew he was sure of this.

It truly was unlike anything Munakata had ever experienced. Suoh's hands flowed over his body, and his calloused fingertips touched his most sensitive parts. It was hot, sweaty, and his toes curled against the sheets as his breathing grew more and more staccato.

Their hips rolled together in the perfect rhythm, slowly as though they were a legato ballad, swaying towards each other. Munakata found he was desperate for some sort of contact, and he was slowly finding Suoh's lips were not moving fast enough.

Their shirts were gone first, but it didn't take long for their pants to go as well, Suoh kicking them messily to the side, and Munakata shivered, the cold air hitting his warmed body. His hands gripped at Suoh's back, pulling their lips together, so he could feel his warmth.

With each hitch of his breath, Munakata was convinced he could hear Suoh chuckle, his golden eyes, smirking up towards him as he moved lower and lower down his body. A moan erupted from Munakata's lips, as Suoh's lips touched him in such a sensitive area. His body felt overwhelmed, the shock sending vibrations of pleasure through his spine down to his toes.

There was an unpleasant feeling of pressure as Suoh began to take things further, though he didn't move fast. He kept a nice steady tempo, moving his fingers so expertly inside of Munakata. It was no surprise the guitar player was good with his hands, Munakata smirked to himself as he rolled into the pressure.

It was oddly intimate, watching Suoh work him open, and Munakata bit his lip as he let out a long hiss with each finger the red-haired man added. Suoh seemed pleased with himself, especially when noises slipped from Munakata's lips, his mouth open wide, and his eyes fluttering shut.

It was especially loud, when Suoh pressed his fingers deep, curving them towards a particularly sensitive spot, which made Munakata's entire body tremble with need.

"S-Suoh...W-When..." Munakata begged, his voice sounded so feeble and desperate, a tone he wasn't quite used to.

"Now...if you want it," Suoh chuckled.

"Yes," Munakata grunted breathlessly.

When their bodies connected, Munakata felt as if they created some perfect harmony, all dissonance between them evaporating into the air. Instead, there was the sound of breathing, grunts from Suoh's lips and Munakata's deep moans, while the two of them moved. Munakata's hips matched and met Suoh's rhythm.

It was a feeling Munakata had truly never experienced before, a level of euphoria he'd never reached. Suoh's movements were like an unpredictable song, starting off slow and deep, but moving into a faster tempo, slamming hard against him.

And as Munakata let the feelings take over, his moans rose, like a crescendo, growing louder and louder until he found his release, the feeling washing over his body gently.

"A-Ah...S-Suoh..." he panted, his hands trembling against Suoh's sweaty back.

"Damn..." Suoh grunted, his own body collapsing against Munakata's. "You sounded damn good."

"Really now?" Munakata teased, though he was still attempting to catch his breath as he pet through Suoh's hair.

"Yeah...for a virgin you were pretty damn great," he snorted.

"I suppose...it helped you were so...skilled," Munakata grumbled, his cheeks heating up. How embarrassing, to admit to Suoh he had done such a fantastic job, thought Munakata was sure the man had figured it out from the way he had sounded.

Rolling off of him, Suoh tucked his arms behind his head. "Good..." he smirked, yawning. "M'tired," he grunted.

"You can sleep here if you like," Munakata offered, and a small snort left Suoh's lips.

"Did you really think I was gonna leave after this?" he chuckled, his eyes staying shut.

"I honestly didn't know." Munakata never did with Suoh, but it was part of the reason he enjoyed the man so much. He was so unpredictable. Leaning over, he brushed his lips against Suoh's before laying more comfortably next to him. "But...I am happy you're not..." he mumbled, not wanting Suoh to hear him say something so embarrassing.

~~

When Suoh awoke the next morning, he had a moment of forgetfulness, remembering quickly he had slept with Munakata and spent the night at his house. The man was still sleeping beside him, and Suoh wished to curse the heavens above because of course Munakata looked absolutely breathtaking. His features were so relaxed, and his hair gently swooped across his forehead, and even though it was a little bit messier than normal, it still looked as though he'd done it on purpose.

Leaning forward, he brushed their lips together, and Munakata groaned softly, his eyes fluttering open. For a moment, his purple hues looked shocked as though it took him a moment to register what had happened the night before. But then he smiled. "Good morning, Suoh," he whispered.

"Mornin'."

"I can...make us some breakfast," Munakata yawned. "Give me but a moment to wake up more."

"Take your time," Suoh shrugged. He was happy to waste more time relaxing in his bed.

"Right."

Munakata didn't waste time in bed, a concept quite foreign to Suoh. The guitarist preferred to take his time getting out of bed, enjoying how comfortable and relaxing it was. However, Munakata was up and in the kitchen quickly, and it wasn't long before Suoh could smell eggs cooking in the kitchen.

The smell of food drew him in, and he rolled out of bed, heading towards the kitchen as he wrapped his arms around Munakata's waist and rest his chin on his shoulder. "Smells good," he murmured.

Humming, Munakata flipped the omelet in the pan. "I hope it is to your liking."

"You making me breakfast? I'm already pleased," Suoh chuckled, kissing at Munakata's neck. He was waiting for the bombardment of questions from the other man. Munakata didn't seem like the type to do anything casual, and so soon enough he'd want to put a label on...whatever they were, and Suoh was still coming to terms with his newfound life. It wasn't that he didn't want to be with Munakata...

There was just one thing tugging at the back of his mind, and he could think of only one way to remedy it, if Munakata would agree.

The two ate breakfast together, and Suoh enjoyed the fluffy eggs in silence, until he finally glanced up at the beautiful man. "Y'thought about it anymore?"

"Us?" Munakata questioned.

"Nah," Suoh chuckled. "I meant the band."

Munakata slowly lowered his fork. "Oh. I...think I need more time." Unsurprising.

"Take your time," Suoh mumbled, trying to mask any disappointment.

"I can't simply change my mind based on our first intimate night. I need to weigh the options and possibilities...I need some time alone to do so."

Carrying his plate to the sink, Suoh set it down lightly. "Alright," Suoh sighed, folding his arms. "I didn't sleep with you to make you choose us. That was a joke. Mostly."

"I know. I wouldn't base my decision on that. I assume even if I say no, we can still be...friends, or...yes..." he trailed off awkwardly.

"Yeah," Suoh shrugged. "Take your time and think about it then," he said flatly. "And do what you _wanna_ do. What your heart tells ya'. Don't do it for me, or don't stick with Scepter cause you feel you have to. Do what you wanna do," he said. It almost felt hypocritical to say something like that, but Suoh wanted Munakata to make this decision.

Of course Suoh felt there was a right answer, and he knew what he thought Munakata should do. Partially because he was selfish, but partially because he genuinely wished for Munakata to let go, relax, and do what he pleased.

"Text me when you know," Suoh said softly.

Munakata nodded, his hands squeezing at the mug which held his tea. "I will..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I only have one chapter left of this story!!! But I hope you guys like the conclusion :) I can't beleive how long this story has been going on and how close I am to finishing it! Sort of crazy! LOL Thanks to Adriana for reading this over. I'm glad people have stuck with me for so long. <3


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Munakata makes his choice

There were so many thoughts plaguing his mind the moment Suoh left, and Munakata took a seat at his piano. He brushed his fingers over the white keys, wondering what exactly he should do.

Suoh urged him to come back to the band, and if Suoh had asked him to stay right after they had played their original concert, Munakata probably would've said yes. After they had performed, his emotions and feelings had been raised so high, Munakata would've done anything to experience the same euphoria again.

Still, to this day, even months later, Munakata felt the desire to feel that same way. All his training at Scepter hadn't compared to the feelings which had awoken within him that evening.

But Scepter had always been his dream. It was what he had worked so damn hard for and why he had even joined Suoh's band in the first place. After all this, could he really just give that up?

Even if things felt different.

He stood up, moving away from the piano. He thought being near it would assist him in making the decision but it only made his heart ache with confusion.

And of course, there was the problem of Suoh himself, and Munakata's feelings for him. After the intimate night they had shared, Munakata still wasn't really sure where they stood. They had barely talked about it, and the only thing Suoh had said was that he hadn't slept with Munakata to sway him.

The idea of actually dating Suoh didn't sound too bad. He couldn't pinpoint why he liked Suoh as much as he did. Really, Suoh was the type of person who normally drove Munakata absolutely insane, but for some reason it worked. They got along very well, despite being almost complete opposites. In fact, because they were opposites, it was as if they fit together, like two pieces of a very awkward puzzle.

Even if he didn't choose the band, it didn't mean he couldn't date Suoh, and his biggest fear was choosing the band _because_ of Suoh. If they ever broke up, there was no way he'd be re-accepted back to Scepter if he left.

He sighed, and pulled his glasses from his face, rubbing at his eyes.

He glanced towards his cell phone and wondered if Suoh was waiting for his answer. He said Munakata could take as much time as he needed, and yet looking at the phone made his heart throb with anticipation.

Picking up the device, he dialed, though it was not the number he originally planned.

"Munakata?" Awashima's voice echoed on the other end of the phone. "How are you? How is Scepter?" she asked. There was a slight hint of surprise in her stoic tone, and Munakata could only assume she hadn't expected to hear from him anytime soon, since he'd been so busy.

"Ah, it's different," he said, hesitation clear.

"Is it not...what you hoped?" she asked.

Munakata pursed his lips. He wasn't sure why exactly he had chosen to call her, but as one of his oldest friends and most trusted confidants, he knew her opinion would be reliable. "I suppose you could say that..." he said softly.

"Oh no..." she muttered. "And here you worked so hard."

"It's...difficult to explain," he murmured, taking a seat back down on the piano bench.

"How so?" she asked.

"I honestly have to blame Suoh and his band..." he muttered.

"Them?" Awashima asked. "But I thought everything was over with that."

"It was, or so I thought. Suoh stopped by last evening to invite me back. For once in my life, I don't really know what to do," he whispered.

"Oh...Munakata," she said gently. He could hear the caring smile pull across her lips. "It's okay if you don't know what to do."

"I...suppose..." he replied quietly.

There was silence between them, and suddenly Awashima gasped. "No. Wait...it isn't that you don't know what to do," she said quickly. "You want to leave Scepter but you feel strange doing so after you worked so hard to get in."

Munakata felt his cheeks flush, how had she figured it out so quickly? Was he really that transparent?

"Well..." he sighed, rubbing his forehead. "Perhaps..."

"Munakata Reisi," she began, "if you wish to join their band, then that is what you should do."

"How can you say that with such certainty?" he asked, incredulous.

"Because," she said gently. "Sometimes we can plan for things all we want, and life takes us in a completely different direction. During your performance you were so enthralled with the music, I'd never seen you play so passionately.

"Plus, the last time we spoke, you seemed so hesitant to leave it all behind, and now here you are again. I know this could be difficult for you. But I believe you should do what your heart wishes for you to do. It may not be logical, or even seem correct...but you should follow what it is you want to do."

It was so rare Awashima was wrong, and as strange as the idea of changing his life was, it seemed worse to stay on the path he was on.

With a smile, he let out a sigh. "Well then, it seems I have a phone call to make."

~~

Kusanagi quirked his eyebrow. "You talked to Munakata last night?"

"Yup."

Leaning back against the railing of his balcony, Suoh lit his cigarette and held it up to his mouth. All he had to do was wait, and Suoh was quite patient. It was rare he was ever anxious or nervous, but right now he did feel a bit of a flutter in his chest.

"S'gotta be him."

"Really?" Kusanagi snorted, leaning over the railing himself, lighting his own cigarette.

"I'm not teachin' anyone else," he grunted.

"Stubborn," Kusanagi sighed.

"Guess so, plus I don't think we're gonna find anyone else like him."

"So funny to hear you say this after you hated the guy's guts at first," Kusanagi chuckled.

"He grew on me," Suoh shrugged.

"In more ways than just one," Kusanagi smirked, grinning at his best friend.

"I did spend the night last night," Suoh smirked right back, blowing out a long puff of smoke.

Groaning, Kusanagi rubbed at his forehead. "You're kidding..."

"Nope."

"Great. Now he definitely won't come back."

With a snort Suoh shook his head. "What the hell's that supposed to mean?" he grunted.

"You know," Kusanagi grunted.

Both of them chuckled softly, and Kusanagi held the smile on his face. Suoh knew his friend was probably happy he was looking towards the future. Kusanagi had been trying to get Suoh to move on for so long, and now that he finally had, there was only one more thing he felt he had to do.

"Do you think Munakata's going to come back? Or did you scare him off?" Kusanagi teased.

"Nah," Suoh replied, flicking his cigarette, knocking the excess pieces off. "I didn't scare him. I think he’ll come back. He knows that he feels better when he plays with us. Trust me, Izumo," Suoh muttered. "I heard him in the practice room at Scepter. Barely even sounded like him. He sounds way better when it's us."

"I'd believe it. I can't imagine playing anything at a stuffy school like that."

Suoh chuckled, glancing towards his friend. "In theory it seems perfect for a guy like Munakata. But I'm tellin' ya...he thrives with us. Comes alive."

"We really did sound incredible the night of the competition. If we could get him back, I think we could do a lot of great things, make a lot of great music."

"Yeah..." Suoh said.

"Totsuka would be proud," Kusanagi whispered, gently placing his hand on Suoh's shoulder.

"I know."

"He'd want you to be happy, he'd want you to share his songs."

"Yeah I...finally figured it out," Suoh sighed. "Don't worry, you don't have to nag me anymore," he smirked.

"Good. It was getting old. Worrying about your ass is too difficult for me," Kusanagi snorted, letting Suoh laugh it off.

"In all honesty...I am really glad you came back," Kusanagi said. "And for our sakes, I hope he does too."

Suoh smiled, folding his arms. "He will." Admittedly, he was happy he was back as well. It was nice to feel actually excited about music once again.

"So I guess we just gotta wait," Kusanagi mused.

"Yup," Suoh nodded.

It would probably take a few days, Suoh assumed. Munakata was the type to mull things over, really think about any and all decisions he made. Knowing the pianist he'd want to carefully weigh his options and think about the pros and cons. If he focused too much on the future and his logical brain, it was possible Munakata would, in fact, stay with Scepter. But if he actually followed what his heart wanted for once, which Suoh was hoping for, he would choose to come with them.

His phone buzzed in his pocket, pulling Suoh from his thoughts. "Damn..." he said, surprised to see Munakata's name pop up on the screen.

"Suoh?"

"Hey," he said, holding the phone up to this ear.

"I believe we should speak. I know it hasn't been a day but I believe I've made a decision. I would like to discuss in person. Do you mind if we meet?"

"Sure. I'll text you an address. Meet me there."

"Perfect. I will see you shortly then."

Suoh tucked his phone back into his pocket, grinning at Kusanagi. "Seems like we're gonna know sooner rather than later."

~~

The address Suoh had provided him with wasn't very far from his apartment, so Munakata decided to walk. Though it was still a bit cold out, he really didn't mind the fresh air. So much of his time had been spent inside as of late, and he wanted to enjoy the walk.

Shockingly, his head felt completely clear. After making the decision, he thought he would've felt anxious or nervous, and yet he felt so at ease. As though his mind knew he had made the right choice.

He stopped in front of the large gate at the address on his phone, and paused. A cemetery? Why had Suoh sent him to a cemetery? There had to be some sort of mistake. He glanced around, trying to see if he had taken a wrong turn, and he peeked at his phone again, wondering if he had in fact put the address in incorrectly.

"Hey," Suoh's voice called out from behind him, and Munakata turned around, surprise twinkling in his purple eyes.

"Suoh? So I wasn't wrong..."

Suoh took a moment and glanced around, his eyes darting from side to side.

"Nope."

"And why...did you wish to meet me in a cemetery?" he asked, glancing at the entrance to the long paths.

"I'll explain in a bit. Anyway, your answer?"

Munakata cleared his throat, still uncertain about what Suoh was planning exactly. "You really don't hesitate, do you?" he asked.

Suoh shrugged. "Don't see why I should when you have your answer, right?"

Munakata nodded. Sucking in a long breath of cool air, he sighed, his breath curling through the frosty air. "Alright. I would like to rejoin the band," he said. "You...were right. I am happier when I play with you. The best performance I've ever had was on that stage with HOMRA and I'm sorry I...did not realize it sooner," he bowed.

Suoh smirked. "Good. Now c'mon," he said, waving his hand as he made his way into the cemetery.

Munakata blinked, watching the red-haired man walk slowly away from him. "Suoh?" he said, catching up with the man. "Is that...all you're going to say?"

"Yeah. You said you're coming back, which means we can keep the band going. Nothing really else to say," he shrugged. "There's a person I need you to meet though, before we actually move forward."

Munakata furrowed his brow. Leave it to Suoh to have barely any reaction. Though from the way he walked and the small smile pulled across his lips, Munakata could easily infer Suoh was pleased.

"Alright then. I am eager to play with you again," he said, trying to spur conversation, but Suoh stayed silent, walking on the pathways through the various graves. Munakata wasn't a stranger to cemeteries. All of his grandparents had passed away throughout his childhood, though he hadn't thought about anything like that for a long while.

Suoh began to tread up a small hill, and he stopped in front of a small grave, flowers placed in front of it. He hummed softly, looking at the bouquet as he pulled a guitar pick from his pocket and placed it down.

Glancing towards the grave as he walked up behind Suoh, Munakata noted the name immediately. Totsuka Tatara.

He understood now.

Bowing his head respectfully, Munakata stood in front of the grave. His eyes widened as Suoh's fingers wrapped around his own, standing next to him.

"Sorry. Haven't been here in...awhile. Izumo has though," he chuckled.

"Take your time," Munakata said, giving Suoh's hand a gentle squeeze.

"Wanted you two to meet...since you're gonna be taking his spot," Suoh said, his voice carrying on the breeze.

Munakata nodded, knowing Suoh meant that in more ways than one.

"I...am honored you would bring me here," Munakata said softly. "I am certain I would've enjoyed knowing Totsuka immensely. He's an incredibly talented songwriter, and I can only imagine how good he was at piano."

"He was good at every instrument. He's the one who taught me how to play," Suoh nodded. "Sorry for not visiting sooner," he said, bowing his head to the gravestone. "This is Munakata, he's the pianist we have now that...you're not here. And, uh...I really like him," Suoh began. "I think you'd like him too if you were here..." he said softly. His face was almost as red as his hair, and though it was cold, Munakata felt a warmth rush over his body.

"We're going to play your songs, share them with the world, and I pledge to do them as much justice as possible," Munakata said, talking with Suoh. He could feel the way Suoh's hand trembled in his own. "I know Suoh isn't easy to deal with," he smirked. "But I'll take good care of him."

Suoh blushed, and rolled his eyes. "I don't need taking care of..."

"Oya? Really now?" Munakata hummed, shutting his eyes. "I bet if Totsuka were here, he would agree with me."

"...Maybe it's actually for the best you two never met," he chuckled, and turned back towards the grave. "Anyway...I wanted to introduce him to you, so you knew who would be taking care of your music. We're gonna do it, Totsuka...we're gonna be amazing, just like you always wanted to be."

"We are," Munakata said, squeezing his hand reassuringly.

"Thanks," Suoh whispered. "For coming here, for saying yes..."

"No...thank you..." Munakata sighed, closing his eyes as the breeze blew through his blue locks. "I don't know if I would've ever learned what it means to love music if it weren't for you, and for Totsuka really...I have a lot to thank you both for. Next time we come I'll have to bring flowers," Munakata said softly.

"Yeah..." Suoh said. "You will." The two stared into each other’s eyes for a moment, and if it hadn't felt inappropriate to do so, Munakata would've maybe kissed him. Though he wanted to respect the relationship Suoh had shared with Totsuka.

Clearing his throat, Suoh pursed his lips. "I guess...we should get to practice. Kusanagi is gonna kill us if we're late."

"We have practice?" Munakata blinked.

"Yeah I told him to set it up when you said we needed to talk."

"Well someone was confident."

"Eh, I had it on good faith you were going to pick the thing that made you happy," Suoh smirked.

"We definitely should not keep Kusanagi and Yata waiting," Munakata nodded.

"Yeah, I don't need him naggin' me," Suoh chuckled.

As the two made their way back out of the cemetery, Munakata turned back around and bowed to Totsuka's grave one more time. His heart felt warm, and he couldn't help but smile as he and Suoh held hands. Together, they would carry on Totsuka's legacy. Together, they would make music that inspired them and others. Together, they would be happy.

~~

"Mikoto!" Munakata hissed, swinging the door to their dressing room open. "What are you doing!?" he asked.

"What? I was finishin' up tuning. Calm down, Reisi," he frowned.

Munakata folded his arms. "Mikoto, we're about to go on stage. We can't be late for our cue!"

"We'll be fine," Suoh grunted, rolling his eyes. "And if we miss it by a minute. Oh well, it'll keep 'em guessin'." He stood up, gripping his guitar in his hand, as he wrapped his arm around his boyfriend's waist, planting a kiss on his lips. "I bet you wouldn't mind if we were late if I was doin' this."

"Suoh Mikoto," Munakata whispered against his lips. "You are truly a nuisance." Though his words did not match his actions as he kissed him back, a smile on his lips.

"Sure am."

"My nuisance," Munakata sighed. "Now come on, there will be plenty of time for this sort of thing after the show!"

"You know it," he smirked, and Munakata rolled his eyes, yanking on Suoh's hand to drag him from the dressing room.

The two walked towards the stage, standing with Kusanagi and Yata just in time to hear the announcers voice boom. "Introducing, tonight's headliner, HOMRA!"

Cheers could be heard as they all walked onto the stage, and Munakata took his seat at the piano bench in front of the keyboard, Suoh standing in the middle. Suoh's golden eyes twinkled with excitement as they glistened against the stage lights, and Munakata was sure his own eyes were doing the same.

He brushed his fingers over the plastic keys of the piano keyboard. They weren't as heavy as a grand piano, but it had become so familiar over the last few months. Munakata loved it. Just as much as he loved many other things on the stage with him currently. He turned towards the audience, eagerly awaiting their first song, and the lights shone on him, making his forehead begin to sweat with anticipation.

His eyes glanced towards Suoh, and he smiled. Everything about this stage felt familiar, exciting, and new all at the same time. It was a rush Munakata had fallen completely in love with. And as Yata clapped his drumsticks together, and Suoh played the first chord, Munakata pressed down on the keys, the music reverberating through his chest, across their stage, and throughout the venue. He saw the music swirling around them, and he could feel it pumping through his veins.

He knew he'd made the right choice. As Suoh began to sing, matching perfectly with the emotions of the music coming from Munakata's fingers, he knew his smile wouldn't go away for a long, long time. Here, on this stage with him, he was home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHHHHH I CAN'T BELIEVE I MADE IT TO THE END OF THIS FIC! I started this fic so long ago, and I never thought it would take me so long to finish. I thought people didn't like it at first, and then I received such immense support over the years. I'm so sorry I was so slow at finishing this but also I'm SO grateful to anyone who followed this story regardless of how fast I updated!! Seriously, It was amazing getting write the end of this story! SUPER huge thanks to Sara for RPing this with me YEARS ago. TBH I doubt she even remembers most of this RP but the graveyard scene was her idea if I remember right. And also thanks to Adriana for betaing this fic!! AND THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO COMMENTED AND KUDOED! I have one other unfinished Mikorei fic which I will be finishing, so please enjoy that. And who knows 7 stories my spark some new stories! Anyway, huge thank you <3 <3


End file.
